WWDCT: What Would DC Throw?
Although we’re known for our maniacal devotion to the home team (imagine Hezbollah and Shining Path as hockey moms and dads and we’re their sons), the truth is that this is a house divided, a mixed marriage. While we claim Hockey Capital as our adopted home, one of us hails from Hockeytown, hence the occasional domestic violence. So of course, the news about banning the Wings’ traditional launching of the cephalopod has us concerned.
Aside from throwing tradition out the window, end-running what should be cause for a drawn out and ungodly expensive legal battle, Wings management tell us they’re enforcing a League dictate; they’re just following orders. Luckily, our brothers at The
Provocation Production Line have enjoined the battle. Rob, Michael and Chris are best known for their highly effective (yet low casualty) Operation Curly Fries campaign (The fast food Battle of Agincourt for Red Wing fans), which saved another cherished Detroit custom.
Nevermind that these eight-legged creatures (binomial name: Octopus vulgaris) are slimy and disgusting, we’ve scraped up far worse from the Verizon sheet (see: Avery horribilis vulgaris, Cooke criminalus insufferablus, etc.). That got us to thinking. We have icons steeped in history such as Slapshot and the Red
Knockers Rockers, but why don’t we hurl things like other teams have come to do (varieties of seafood, snakes, rats and waffles)?
Although shy and retiring by nature, Washington Capitals fans may want to consider some of these items as suitable, DC-centric projectiles:
AOL Time Warner stock certificates
Redskins season tickets
Employee photo IDs
Volumes of the Congressional Record
Freshman members of the 112th Congress
NBC and Versus announcers
Lobbyists (freshman members of the 102nd Congress)
Unused Game 7 Caps-Rangers tickets
Supreme Court Justices (You pick ‘em)
*3pm is cocktail hour: We’re back to Nellie’s for this afternoon’s Ranger drubbing.