HNIP: Hockey Night in Pakistan
On Saturday, DoD officials released a two and a half minute videotape of mass murder (and Pittsburgh Penguin fan) Osama bin Laden lounging around his million dollar Abbottabad hovel staring intently at what looked to be a $15 thrift shop TV. Slacking off in a trash strewn room, seated comfortably in his best pajamas and working the remote with his greasy paws, bin Laden was channel surfing, snacking on Cheesy Poofs and looked as if he was settling in for a Sex in the City marathon on E!
For security reasons, intelligence officials stripped the audio off the tape before releasing it, but after hours of work in the PuckBuddys’ lab, and using the most sophisticated acoustic forensic technology available, we were able to enhance the audio portion to finally decipher what was said in that room. We were startled to learn that the tape was made just moments before his play date with Seal Team 6, and that it wasn’t Carrie and Samantha he was giggling over, but rather cheering on two guys named Stamkos and Lacalvier in Game 2 of the Caps series against the Bolts. Too Soon? We think not.