Boys In The Band

On Wednesday, November 2, the Leafs traveled to The Rock to face the Devils.  Andrew and Brian, the respective correspondents had a little date – a cross border watch party, and they captured their running commentary.

Thanks to their efforts, hockey anthropologists can now better understand what makes gay fans tick – aside from the obvious (Hi Tyler Seguin!). The following dialogue is familiar to any gay fan, but now the straight fan can see a game through our cultural lenses, where the topics include: Spilled drinks, Rick Nash, metric conversion, Hits of the ’80s, Johnny Weir, Futurama, the worst NHL player on a scoring line, and a twist on one of Hollywood’s most memorable quotes (Hi Jack!). We thank them for the experiment and memorializing the evening.  

Pregame:

Beer Choice:

Andrew: Mill St. Brewery Original Organic Lager – because apparently I’m a hippie.

Brian: Dogfish Head 60 Minute IPA – clearly defining my belief that this is a special evening.

Brian: I’m just happy you’re drinking.  I hate to drink alone.

Snack Choice:

Andrew: Had nothing of any real veracity or vorocity or other city words. Just sausage and eggs. Because breakfast for dinner is amazing. But I have a game accompaniment of Ketchup Lay’s, halloween candy and…. edamame. Maybe I am a hippie….

Brian: I went for Taco Bell tonight.  Had some nachos and finished off with a Caramel Apple Empanada (the King of fast-food dessert options).  Have a burrito stashed away for later, if need be.

Brian: Edamame?

Andrew: Don’t even. Although I’m not really helping prove I’m not a hippie.

Brian: No need to worry.  Hippies hate hockey.  It doesn’t involve a bong, frisbee, or hacky sack.

Andrew: Because clearly I’m such a…. well, you did mention sack.

Brian: Our first sexual reference.  Didn’t take long.

Andrew: Meh, I figured it’ll be helpful to get it out of the way early.

Brian: Good thinkin’

Andrew: The pregame on TSN here is about Movember. This makes me happy.

Brian: It’s all business here.  Too much going on (Brodeur back in net, shakeup on the top line) for human interest.  And now Daneyko is talking about his time at the NHL offices this week, talking with Shanaban about what constitutes an illegal hit and such.

Andrew: They covered that off in the first few minutes… but had more on Movember and the drama in Washington. Oh the drama.

Brian: My God, those Caps are such drama whores, right?

Andrew: They make Heidi Fleiss look like Angela Lansbury (see what I did there).

Brian: It always comes back to Angie.  And Heidi Fleiss?  Wow, topical reference there…

Andrew: I can bring stuff out of my grab bag of random crap every once and a while. And funny story about Angela. So, I’m having Edamame. Which I affectionately call “Auntie Mame”. Yes. I know.

Brian: I’m waiting for the funny part.  And now I’m ducking.  And waiting.  Mostly ducking.

Andrew: Why you have to have such a hate for mah lurve in Miss Fletcher?

Brian: I love that ole girl.  Still the only real Mrs. Lovett.

Andrew: !!! You just went there with a Mrs. Lovett. I are amused.

Brian: Always happy to entertain.  (And I know my musical thee-ate-errrr.  It’s how I got my gay card.  Well… there were other things I done to earn it, too.)

Andrew: Surprisingly, I’m not a huge musical fan. I love plays and drama, but only some musicals. But Phantom… yeah, I could live off that shit.

Brian: I’m no fan of Phantom (though a friend of mine played Carlotta for like, four years or something.)

Andrew: Wow, impressive. I think I love it so much because it was my first….

Brian: Awwww… I understand your love for it.

Andrew: Apparently, according to our guys on TSN, it’s pronounced Neeeeeeeeeeew Jersey.

Brian: As in, “Eww.  Jersey.” ?

Andrew: I don’t think any malice was meant… but it was very strange.

Brian: Well, if it wasn’t malicious, I guess I won’t tell all of Canadian broadcasting to go fuck itself.

Andrew: It’s on TSN, so it’s moderately tolerable. If it were Sportsnet, and the joy of Joe Bowen… yeah, he’s special.

Andrew: Now they’re making fun of the inability for NJ to score! I think you spoke too soon.

Brian: Plenty of time for me to tell them where to go.  Almost game time – gonna grab another and get ready for the game.

Andrew: I’m just waiting around… chips already open. Omnomnom.

Andrew: Ahahaha, Elias is “a little long in the tooth”. Classy TSN. Classy.

Brian: He’s no spring chicken, but he’s been our best player this season.  And last season.  And for about a decade.

Andrew: Yeah, our longest serving Leaf is Luke Schenn. I think that says it all.

Brian:  Brian Burke likes to clean house.  I can respect that.  Except I prefer to have someone else clean it for me.

Andrew: We needed a giant ass kicking, because holy crap were we just awful. But I hope we can at least keep some of these pieces for some meaningful length of time. Which, going this way, we should.

Brian: Most of the guys are on their entry level or locked up for a time, right?  Phaneuf and Kessel locked up long term?

Andrew: I think we’re in a decent contract position, for that very reason… but now…..

First Period: And we’re off!!

Andrew: It terrifies me when Gustavsson plays the puck. Not as much as Luongo, but still.

Brian: I love Tedenby – he may be my favorite Devil.  He’s such a quick little douche of a player.

Andrew: What’s attendance been like in NJ? Or is it still early for seats to be filled? AND STOP REMINDING ME OTTAWA BEAT US, GUYS. GOD.

Brian: It’s a shame we’re not watching the same feed.

Andrew: It could provide some interesting…ness. And yes, we needed to know Schenn was turning 22. See? You’re missing out on so much!

<2:30 Devils finish a quality scoring chance with a healthy trip through the crease.>

Andrew: JHC.

Brian: Chico Resch is telling us it’s a good sign that we didn’t get a goaltender interference call. 

Andrew: Yeah, what the hell. Totally bowling over Jonas.

Brian: OK – Marty – First save, out of the way.

Andrew: And pfft, Brodeur couldn’t stop a beach ball (except when he does). Well, the action in the first five has been truly non-stzzzzzzzzz…….

Brian: Devils Hockey – it’s not the most… fan-friendly hockey all the time.

<5:08 Brad Mills and Mike Brown drop the gloves>

Brian: Ooh.  Fight.  zzzzzz.

Andrew: MIKE BROWN IS GOD. But this is kind of lame.

Brian: Brown put a nice tackle in there.

Andrew: Did you see Brown pound the shit out of Kris Newbury’s face during the Rangers game?

Brian: I did.

Andrew: Ooohh yeah. And I wouldn’t call that a save…. more of a chest deflection. But 2 on 1, really Leafs defence? Really? Sigh.

Brian: You’re fortunate, it was Nick “Granite Hands” Palmieri and Cam Janssen on that 2 on 1.  

Andrew: And I swear the Leafs will learn to hold the line one day. One day. Not now, clearly, but one day. Like when the wall that divides Berlin comes down.

Andrew: Or the inablity to clear your zone after 400 hours of chances, or a goalie who is probably WHY ARE YOU PLAYING THE PUCK. Bah. I like Gustavsson, I do… ish. But he always gets me nervous.

<8:37 Scramble in front of the net, and….>

Andrew: JOEY CRABB!!!!!!!!!!!! BAHAHAHA!

<1-0 Toronto>

Brian:  See, when two players are alone on the weak side…. you should.. um… cover them.  Nice baseball bat by Crabb.

Andrew: Well, unless you’re a Leafs fan. Then it’s allllll good. And pfft, whatever. (is it wrong I’m done the first beer already?)

Brian: I’m on beer 2.  You’re fine.   And shit Devils, let’s play some defense.  Not you, Kovalchuk.

Andrew: Or we’re both deeply troubled.

Andrew: So One-love right now. I like this. A lot. Although I feel bad for Matt Frattin, he’d been playing so well for the Leafs (well, well…ish). Gets sent down in favour of Crabb and first goal? Yeah. Kind of sucktastic.

Brian: Frattin might be seeing his name next to “Healthy Scratch” for a while.

Andrew: Well, he was sent to the Marlies, so it’s all good on that regard. But still, you get sent down and the next game…..

Brian: He’ll get playing time with the Marlies.

Andrew: Oh, naturally, which he needs, but it’s still a bit of a stick to the eye.

Brian: “Stick to the eye” makes me smile and think of Pronger. 

Brian: Still smiling.

Andrew: Yeah, you’re welcome for that. And for Grabo for doing it. Although it could have been terrifyingly worse (see Malhotra).

Brian: Very true.  Oooh – penalty.  Now you get to see a fabulous blah blah power play.

Andrew: (And wow, 6 minutes in in Buffalo and Miller is already pulled after letting three in) And our shit PK!

<10:50 – Devils run their standard puck to Elias, pass to Larsson, pass to Kovalchuk who slams a one-time into Monster’s pads>

Brian: Yeah – you can’t really leave that one-timer to Kovy open.

Andrew: Do the Devils know they have a man advantage? Should someone tell them?

<11:41 – Devils run exact same setup for Kovalchuk>

Brian: Soooooo… the plan tonight is to have Kovy wind that one-timer up every time he can

<12:16 – Power Play is winding down as Henrigue has the puck on the rush> 

Brian: SCOOOOOOOOOORE!!

Andrew: Well shit.

Brian: Dainus Zubrus! 

Andrew: It’s like clubbing a baby seal, really. Our PK would be better if we just linked arms on our blue line.

Brian: LOL

Brian: If it makes you feel any better, I’m told that Zubrus is, um… gifted.

Andrew: This is…. I’m not quite sure what to make of that.

Brian: Do with it what you will.

Brian: Zubrus missed the net on a 3 on 1.  His endowment got in the way.

Andrew: Or maybe he’s using the wrong stick….OH. Imagine if his was a composite dong. It’d snap in a second.

Brian: LOL.  All of this is getting cut.

Andrew: Like he is? (I can keep going)

Andrew: Bobby Orr does commercials now. This makes me sadder than it should.

Brian: I’m eating low-fat saltines and watching a child hunger public service announcement.  I should feel shame, but I really just want the regular fat content saltine.

Andrew: HA! And saltines? Apparently you skipped right to menopause.

Brian: I had them for the chili I made the other day.  The crackers outlasted the chili.

Andrew: I want chili…. I need to utilise my slow cooker more.

<15:50 – Nick Palmieri misses an empty net on a 2 on 1 where both players run Gustavsson, play comes back to the Devils’ zone and…>

Andrew: YES!!!!!! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! Grabo! But Jake Gardiner is amazing. Really good signing. And what the sweet hell is it with your Devils running our goalie?! We’re already down one.

Brian: What a pass from the blue line by Gardiner.  Way to backcheck wingers..  As for running your goalie – it was Palmieri.  You know, after he missed the wide open net.  Because he’s the worst player playing on a scoring line in the NHL.

Andrew:…That isn’t a Blue Jacket. Because they’re all terrible (excluding Rick Nash, because he’s just too dreamy to suck).

Brian: Poor Rick Nash.  He must look forward to the All Star Game every year.  “Finally!  A Center!  And another Winger!”

Andrew: And a goaltender that isn’t basically Milhouse strapped to goalposts.

Brian: Now you’re just being mean to a beloved Simpsons character for no reason.

Andrew: Ah, yes, very true. Poor Milhouse. He’s one of my favourites. Like of all time.

<19:42 – Petr Sykora takes a hooking penalty with 18 seconds left in the period>

Brian: Wow..  this is a pretty shabby penatly.  Stupid Sykora.

Andrew: He should hang his head in shame. What the hell was that trash? BUZZZZ.

<End of the First Period, Leafs up 2-1>

Brian: We should take a minute and thank Grabo.  He’s supporting Gay Rights with his limp-wristed goal.

Andrew: I suppose we should honour Marty too for taking it like a champ. Twice.

Brian: I’m drinking for both of them.

Andrew: Which reminds me, I need a refill. Should I go for the cream coloured can, sliver can or… the third one I can’t remember? Oh, white. White, cream or silver.

Brian: I tend to go for the white can.  ZING!

Andrew: HA! Yes, well done. White can it is. Rickards White is very good shit.

Brian: Excellent.  I’m riding the Dogfish Head until the six pack is done.  Then I might have to go to Dewar’s.

Andrew: Six? Holy balls. I’ve only got 4… although they are 473 mL ( I don’t know that in American)

Brian: What is that?  A gallon?  A keg?  Enough to fill a swimming pool?

Andrew: 16 fl oz.

Brian: Just an “Ugly American” joke.  I know (approximately) what size that is.  Same size I buy Purell…

Andrew: What a strange comparitive value. “Hey, how big’s your xyz?” Oh, it’s 5 purells.

Brian: I was going to say “lube”, but my mom might read this.

Andrew: Oh my god, this Rickards is so good. Citrusy and light and crisp (although I should keep it crips, for street cred). And really Bob McKenzie? You didn’t know who Messi was? You thought it was Messier? Really? LE GRAND SIGH.

Brian: Is he Doug’s brother?

Andrew: Did you really just go there? Because if you did….

Brian: Uh-glee American.  Though I’m already being punished.  Geddy Lee is singing “Great White North” on a loop in my head right now.

Andrew: Ooh sweet fancy Moses that’s cruel. Yeah, Geddy Lee….

Brian: Don’t get me wrong.  I love me some Rush.  (I’m way old, eh.)

Andrew: Or you’re from Orillia. And that will be a joke received well by me and about 4 other people. Because you have no idea what Orillia is.

Brian: Cor-rect.  In other news, Milbury’s tie isn’t offending my eyes tonight.

Andrew: The other night his was tolerable. Not great, but it didn’t look like a kaleidoscope after dropping acid and throwing up his Indian food.

Brian: So – how many times have you watched “Bonjour Girl” since Monday?  Just once more, for me.

Andrew: About 4. And already spread the word to others. Who love it. Because it’s amazing.

Brian: And I’ve muted my television and am watching it again 

Andrew: Muted? You have to keep it muted?

Brian: I’m watching on the computer.  On my second monitor.  Fancy.

Second Period:

Andrew: Speaking of fancy, minute and a half PP to begin the period. Won’t amount to anything, but hey, why not.

Brian: “Bonjour, Bernice, I love your new wig.”

Andrew: I just choked on beer. Well done. Are you trying to kill me?

Brian: My work is done.

Andrew: Bitch.

Brian: I’m sorry for the waste of beer. 

Andrew: You should be. This shit is delicious.

<1:54 Sykora and Salvador have two quick shots on net right after Leafs PP ends>

Andrew: And fuck. FUCK. FUCK. YES SAVE. Anus unclenches.

Brian: LOL – it’s our season in a microcosm.  No goals.  Many chances.

<2:09 Gustavsson gets whistled for interference when holding up Zubrus behind the net after he plays the puck.>

Brian: Gustavsson playing the puck equals good things for the Devils.  In this case, it’s a minor for interference when the Monster sticks his ass out.

Andrew: Don’t even. Fucking Luongo quality play. Or that time Curtis Joseph played the puck badly. Oh, right. Every time almost. (I love the hell out of Cujo tjough. Lived in my town!)

<3:08 Devils set up PP with Elias-to-Larsson-to-Kovalchuk one-timer.  Again.>

Brian: Damn he has a huge shot.

Andrew: ……. And the childish giggle… <3:29 Elias scores> end in a goal. FUCK.

Brian: AWESOME!  What a play.  On the power play.  Again.  Watch the Kovy pass to Larsson.

Andrew: I did. Fucking hell damn shit. Our PK is just the worst thing in the history of all things. Let’s just stand around and let everyone set up. JHC.

Brian: And congrats to my favorite player, Elias, for becoming the all-time Devils leader in Power Play Goals.  And Adam Larsson for his first NHL point on the primary assist.

Andrew: Yes yes, good job and all that. Bah.

Brian: Very good of you.  Manners, always manners.  I appreciate them.

Andrew: Manners are underused now….I type that as I belch loudly. Classy bitch, right here.

Brian: My god, Kovy’s on his game right now.

Andrew: “Grab his stick, want to go in?” Yes. just said on my broadcast.

Brian: Just before the goal, “Parise goes to the bench for fresh wood.” was the play-by-play call.

<6:31 Toronto goes back on top, 3-2 with a Joffrey Lupul snapshot.>

Andrew: LUPUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I like that Lupul got it.

Brian: Let’s all huddle around Brodeur while the puck is above the slot.

Andrew: But hey, you have to admit Lupul is a tasty dish. That should help make the medicine go down.

Brian: LOL – I”ll have to wait and see what pic the PD guys put up.

Brian: Tedenby may end the season as our leader in hits.  And he’s the size of a tuna can.

Andrew:  have more substance in my……hold on, phone ringing.  No, I do not want a subscription to the Sun.

<8:15 – Clarkson frees himself of Shenn at center ice and ties the game on a breakaway>

Andrew: OR THAT GOAL.

Brian: CLARKIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!  How does your man let him go at center ice?!  Was Clarkie whispering sweet nothings there?

Andrew: Because our defence is merely a suggestion. Luke god damn Schenn, you 22 year old blah.

Brian: I can imagine the Schenn home tonight.  “Why couldn’t you be more like your brother!? Injured and not playing.”

Andrew: HA! Low, but hilars.

Brian: All bitching aside.  It’s a fun game so far.  3-3 in the second.

Andrew: It really is. Let’s just hope it’s not Jets from the other week. 8-7 is some kind of BS.

Brian: If it gets like that, that Dewar’s bottle is history.

Andrew: If it gets like that, I’m hitting the rum.

Andrew: And yes, please, I wanted a Ben Stiller/Eddie Murphy buddy comedy.

Brian: Marketing people everywhere were clamoring for Tower Heist.

<8:48 – Monster snags a long snap shot from Parise>

Brian: Nice glove there, Monster. 

Andrew: Wow, 80”! (out of context measurements are amusing)

Brian: It’s bad that a grabbed a backup beer when I went for #2, wasn’t it?

Andrew: Yeah, it’s not a good sign. But, on the other hand, it saves a trip… so really. AND JESUS CHRIST REBOUNDS. STOP IT. STOP IT NOW. YES CAPS ARE REQUIRED.

<9:45 – Lupul fires his second of the night, Leafs up 4-3, beating Brodeur in close>

Andrew: YES! LUPUL AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Brian: HOLY SHIT.  WHY?  MARTY?  WHY?

Andrew: Is it normal for your organist to play Rock Lobster after 4 goals?

Brian: I don’t know.  It never happens.

Andrew: Ha HA. Knowing this game…. it’ll be 7-5 or some ridiculous number. I’ve dug into the chocolate now. This is also a bad sign.

Brian: Marty does not look very good.

Andrew: No, he’s sluggish as hell. First game back can only be so much of an excuse. (Hahaha, Schenn was “victimized” by Clarkson.)

Brian: Seriously – we’ve given up 4 goals, but your D is… well… they’re something.

Andrew: Our D is an A.

Brian: Your D gets an F.

Brian: Ahhh – Lupul’s shot was deflected up.  That makes me feel a touch better about Marty.  Not much…

Andrew: I will always have a space for Marty in my heart (2002, oh yes).

Brian: Of course.

Andrew: Not so much 2010…. But meh, still. <3

<13:13 – Lupul completes his hat trick as two Devils D watch him.  5-3 Leafs>

Brian: FUCKMUTHER

Andrew: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. HATTIE LUPUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Brian: This is insane.  We’ve blown two 2 on 1s that have led directly to goals.  Fluffernutter.

Andrew: That one was because Marty was super slow getting back up and in position. And I hear boos. Five goals on fourteen shots…. yeah. That’s not a good stat.

Brian: I would not be surprised to see Moose head out for the third. 

<14:11 Brodeur makes a save on a Schenn point shot.>

Brian: Hooray!  A SAVE!

Andrew: On Schenn. That’s a save on grandma.

Brian: I’ll take it!

Andrew: Yeah you will.

Brian: Easy, tiger.

Andrew: And now Eye of the Tiger plays in my head.

Brian: On a loop.  Forever.   All the hits of the 80s.  and none of the cool ones.  No Smiths for you.  No B52s except the organ Rock Lobster.

Andrew: Hey, I have cool 80s songs too. Um… right now all that’s coming is A Flock of Seagulls.

Brian: Excellent.  My curse is working.

Andrew: FUCK. NOW IT’S 99 LUFTBALLOONS IN GERMAN. DAMN YOU.

Brian: Fuck Charlie Sheen – I’m the fucking warlock.  Winning!

Andrew: No, that’s the Leafs. :-D

Brian: Eff.  True.

<TSN Camera finds Granite God Scott Stevens>

Andrew: OH HAI SCOTT STEVENS. Shit. That’s some bit of fine. Even from a distance and grainy.

Brian: Is he wearing the glasses? 

Andrew: Yes.

<15:14 Henrique tips a pass up over Gustavsson that knocks off the crossbar>

Brian: EFFING CROSSBAR!!!

Brian: Also – the Scott Stevens librarian glasses make me melty.

Andrew: I’m a little wet, can’t lie. I may have sprtized. And what the hell is with that drunk bitch yelling “Get out of here!” every time the Leafs shoot.

Brian: “Forget about it, Jake.  It’s New Jersey.”

Andrew: He fans on the one-timer? What is he, a Canuck? (I’m being overly cruel to my other team)

Brian: ZING!

Brian: Icing is probably the most I’ve had to cheer about in the last 10:00.

Andrew: Yeah, it’s not been going your way. (Fleetwood Mac now)

Brian: That’s 70s, but I’ll take it.

<17:41 Clarkson and Schenn drop the gloves>

Andrew: Clarkson and Schenn…. Greco-Roman style. AHAHA MORTAL KOMBAT THEME. (and yes, I know it’s 70s, please)

Brian: Look – there’s something Luke Schenn can do.

Andrew: Luke could still get it.

Brian: If I could skate like Kovalchuk…  I’d have taken less money to play with Kopitar.

Andrew: Yeah, Kopitar is always good. Plus LA is not a bad organization. Not fantastic, but not Columbus.

<End of Second Period, 5-3 Leafs>

Brian: That’s the second.  5-3 Leafs.  Devils just need to actually put their chances in the net.

Andrew: And maybe Marty can do some cardio during the break. OOOH YEAH.

Brian: Just a couple of leg lifts might do it.

Brian: I just opened #3.  You can’t rush Dogfish Head.

Andrew: I could probably crack the third now too. Cream coloured can or silver.

Brian: I’m guessing your silver isn’t Coors Light.  So hit the silver.

Andrew: Done and done. All my biere is Canadian tonight. First one is brewed right in Toronto. Silver is Sleeman Original Draught. A basic beer, but very nice.

Andrew: Aaaah, crisp.

Andrew: My grand slam was supposed to come with sausage.

Brian: HOW DARE THEY?!

Andrew: It’s just downright rude. You might as well have pissed in my eggs. Which they probably did.

Brian: They just showed video of Coach Wilson scoring during practice and the resulting goal celebration.  I like that dude, too.  Leafs might actually be my second favorite team.  Classy unis, lots of history. 

Andrew: Really? YAY! I like converting nonbelievers.

Brian: This was pretty much already a thing, but you can take credit.

Third Period:

Andrew: And speaking of credit taking… opening up again at 5-3. Just need to reiterate.

Brian: Nice.  Classy.

Andrew: I know, I’m kind and considerate. You’re welcome. <3

Brian: And you’re offiside.  That’s the best comeback I have right now, down two goals. 

Andrew: It’s the best because it’s technically correct. The best kind of correct. (Futurama, anyone?)

Brian: Now I’m full of a sea of Zoidberg quotes.   Smiling.

Andrew: Zoidberg is simply the best. Period.

Brian: Sheesh, has the Monster had a clean play on the puck all night?

Andrew: He’s not about style, he’s about results. Which can be spotty. Even Reimer is rebound city. But he needs to come back soon (hopefully against CBJ….although we could put Johnny Bower in net and still win in that case).

Brian: You could put Johnny Weir in goal for that game.

Andrew: HA! Yes. Now that would be something to see. And be terribly frightened of.

Brian: There would be some changes to the uniform.  Is anyone allergic to goose down?

Andrew: I imagine some kind of Black Swan meets Ke$ha type gear.

Brian: Something that would make Bjork say, “Dear, that’s a bit too much.”

Andrew: Bjork would probably just screech, and then arrange oranges in a circle.

<5:57 – Kessel attempt on a wide open net robbed by Brodeur’s paddle>

Brian: MARTY!!!!!!!!!  There he is.!!

Andrew: Yeah, in the third. Down by 2.

Brian: Lots of time left.  How dare you rob me of hope, Pandora!

Andrew: Maybe the ride on the elliptical did help.

Andrew: And Ke$ha playing over the PA now. Good call, Devils. (I might like Ke$ha a bit…)

Andrew: FYI: We’re on 14 pages.

Brian: Oh dear.

Andrew: Meh, we’ll make it work. The Devils won’t, but we will.

<8:03 Gustavsson bowled over, take 4.  This time, Tedenby takes a minor for interfering.>

Brian: That’s probably a penalty….  For, you know, bowling over Gustavsson.

Andrew: Yes, as it freaking well should be. Only the fourth time it’s happened. I suppose fourth times the charm? And in an aside, I loathe how refs announce the penalties like in football. Maybe I’m old fashioned, but I liked the pointing and hand gestures. And waiting for a Toronto goal decision was a lot more dramatic.

Brian: Not in New Jersey.  Toronto goal decisions always go against us.

Andrew: Hate crime? And I’d feed a-head to Parise.

Brian: Who’s on the power play here?

Andrew: Detroit.

Brian: Don’t let Lidstrom get the puck!

Andrew: Hehehe, aaaaah shit.

<10:17 – Sykora corrals puck off the boards, about to go in alone>

Andrew: Thank sweet god that’s offside.

Brian: Awwwwwww – nice call by the out-of-position linesman.  Spatial comparisons are so easy to make from the absolutely wrong place to view them.  Balls.

Andrew: See, the Leafs could be up by 30 goals in a game if they had people in position around the net all the time, instead of centre passes to no one.

Brian: Giving the puck away isn’t helping our cause.

Andrew: I was wondering where you had gone off too… turns out it was below the break. Way to go, scroll.

<12:55 – Sykora and Kovalchuk combine on a nice play that results in a blocked shot>

Brian: What a move, Sykora!

Andrew: Shit shit shit…. shit. Thank god. Ok.

Brian: Yes, Devils.  More please.  Maybe with some getting in the net?  (It sounds better if you read it in Zoidberg voice.)

Andrew: Everything sounds better in a Zoidberg voice! But that sounds good! AND EVERYBODY DANCE NOW?! I love your music guy in NJ.

Brian: You’ll have to see a game at The Rock.  Good seats available. 

Andrew: I want to see more games in other arenas. Only been to a game in 4 differenent ones.

Brian: I think I have you beat there.

Andrew: How badly?

Brian: 7 or 8, including some older, no longer in service arenas.

Andrew: I’ve done ACC, Scotiabank, Joe Louis and Maple Leaf Gardens.

Brian: The old Cap Centre, The Igloo in Pittsburgh, Pru Center, Byrne Arena (CAA, Izod Center), Madison Square Garden, Joe Louis Arena, the old Spectrum, Nassau Colliseum.

Andrew: The steps leading up to JLA are insane.

Brian: I was there a loooong time ago.

Andrew: I’ve been to the Bell Centre too, but for concerts… so it’s not quite the same.

Brian: I prefer MSG for concerts over hockey games.  Cause, you know, it’s the Rangers there.

Brian: Remember how busy and fun the second period was?  I miss it…

Andrew: Eww, the Rangers. I’d rather have dental surgery. But I’ve been near a bunch of areanasas.dkmfasd;ofkjwer… ARENAS. Eff. And I’m alright with this pace now….

Brian: Are you finishing up your fourth metric pony keg of biere?

Andrew: Effing page break! And no, I’m still on my third hand league chain of biere.

Brian: Tallinder is having an epically bad game here.

Andrew: This really isn’t a stellar game for either team. Just happen to be breaking the Leafs way.

 <End of Game, Leafs take it, 5-3.  Lupul scores the first opposing hat trick in Prudential Center history.>

 Brian: This is the Devils’ season in a nutshell.  Many chances.  Not enough bank.

Good game for your Leafs, though.  Cashed their chances.

Andrew: They did, but it was not a banner game, by any means. But it’s nice to have a seemingly decent (and non fluke) start this year.

Brian: Well, it’s a road game.  You take any wins you can get.

Andrew: The next one is in Columbus. :D

Brian: Don’t count out the Blue Jackets.  Wisniewski is back.  He makes a difference.  Carter might be back soon, too, right?

Andrew: Soonish, but still, you can have all the upfront talent you want, but if your foundation is a colander, you can’t really win.

Brian: But you can make a fantastic pasta dish.

Brian: This was fun.  And a reason to drink mid-week.  Always a bonus.  We play three more times this season……..

Andrew: Mwahahaha, this will be a fun thing. I vote for making it a regular occurrence (well, three more times). Although I may be able to get tix to the Dec. 6 game…. so…..

Brian: Well, when we’re physically able, it’s a date.  If either of us is at the game, we tweet a couple of times.

Andrew: Sounds good to me. I really enjoyed this.

Brian: Nobody else will, but that’s their problem! 

– End of Transmission– 

About Craig

Proudly serving gay hockey fans and players since 2010
This entry was posted in NJ Devils, Toronto Maple Leafs and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Boys In The Band

  1. imsmax says:

    Enjoyed reading!

  2. This was amazing . I’m watching the Rangers/Canadiens replay while reading this and I was laughing so hard that my mom walked into my room and was like, “Rangers hockey isn’t THAT funny, is it?”

    It is, but that’s besides the point.

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