All The King’s Men

Greg is back, even if his LA Kings are not. Pancakes, go-go boys, bitter beer face, and gay face. Are there any topics we won’t tackle? Oh, and Staples section 320, row 8, is a killer.

Jonathan Quick

The Kings are definitely not who we thought they were.  They cannot score.  Their power play is downright AWFUL.  Jonathan Quick has been spectacular this season however the team has been largely inconsistent, which cost a very nice man (Terry Murray) his job last month. Good news is the players are still pretty good-looking, so if this hockey thing doesn’t work out I’m sure most of them could be models.  Whether it be for John Varvatos on the runway or whether it be on the menu at IHOP. Yes, that’s right…Dustin Penner hurt himself while eating his wife’s “delicious pancakes”

   Good lord I hope this wasn’t a euphemism for something that no gay man wants to hear about.  I’d look up old Flapjacks’ stats, but they are incredibly disturbing considering his huge salary.  He’s underachieving and incredibly overpaid. 

Fact is, Dustin Penner missed a game because of a bad back that he aggravated whilst eating pancakes.  Were he in my group of friends, he would have immediately been crowned “fattest of the fat 2012”. Regardless, Penner is a total beard-o-sexual and I would buy him beer and a short stack any day. 

Speaking of beer, our new coach totally has bitter beer face.  I know for a fact that I am not the only one who thinks this.  Really not much I can add to that. 

Darryl Sutter has bitter beer face.  The end. 

Brad Richardson

On the other hand, Brad Richardson has a serious case of gay face.  There is no way around it.  Brad Richardson is quick, has hands of stone, and cannot finish at all.  But god damn is he pretty. He looks like that super hot go-go boy you saw on go-go boy appreciation day in West Hollywood a while back.  Yes, a city sponsored go-go boy appreciation day.  Have to love it.  

This past offseason my parents and I decided to save some money and move our seats back a few rows.  They are more nosebleed but much more affordable, as well as close enough to the press box that we can hear all the announcements that so and so left the game with an upper body injury and is not expected to return, and that tonight’s attendance is 18,118. 

What they don’t tell you is that there’s a reason seats are cheaper up there…Section 320 is a death trap and a lawsuit waiting to happen!  Things are just fine and dandy in rows 1-7.  The stairs in row 8 have caused no less than 150 people to trip this season.  I will say for this for Kings Fans, 150 stumbles, 0 beer spilt.  Priorities people!  I don’t know if it is a design flaw in the blue prints at Staples Center, or maybe the architect is a Ducks fan.

Speaking of the Ducks, 8-1-1 in their last 10 and they are still only 13th.  2007 seems like a very long time ago doesn’t it?

Follow Greg on twitter: @gpmurphy.  If he’s not there, try The Eagle. He’s buying.

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About Craig

Proudly serving gay hockey fans and players since 2010
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2 Responses to All The King’s Men

  1. david says:

    is it true that the seats are smaller and there is like no leg room or beer room up there in the nose-bleeds? lolololololol
    sec 218 is niiiiiiiiiiiiice…
    see you on the third for the ducks vs kings…

    GO PENGUINS!

  2. Well, it seems Penner’s wife no longer wants to make delicious pancakes fro her loser of a hubby… she’s filed for divorce. Which might explain something about Penner’s season.

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