While The Airheads Get Their Own Show

After much deliberation, I finally succumbed and read up on the dreadful CBC project so tastefully dubbed “While The Men Watch,” and sweetie, I regret my decision. Now I know that there is a major media outlet now endorsing airheaded women in their perpetuation of stereotypes. As if fighting homophobia in hockey wasn’t enough, now we have to deal with this level of sexism? Lovely.

Let’s face it, I’m a strutting (walking is so passé) gay stereotype in most cases, but not when it comes to sports. I know the game of hockey better than most straight guys I know, and it’s very apparent that I’m right when I talk about hockey. I started playing at a very young age, and started coaching at 16. You’ve seen my stats, and if you follow me on Twitter, you have probably seen some of my insights on hockey.

Even though I’m not an obvious trophy wife like the women who host “While The Men Watch,” I share a lot of the same interests as them; fashion, shoes, pink, purple, you know, girly things. But that does not stop me from knowing sports. Nor does it stop any of the women I know from understanding and loving sports. You can be feminine, AND love sports. The two aren’t mutually exclusive traits.

A Kardashian (We’re not sure which one).

If you have time, and brain cells to spare, take a look at their “7 Phrases to Yell Out If You Don’t Follow Hockey.” It’s chock full of horribly off-the-mark descriptions of phrases normal people don’t usually say. Ok, “where’s the penalty?” is said more often than “beer here!” but that’s not the point. The most comical are their dimwitted explanations of “pull the goalie” and “use the boards.”

Apparently these women are not only oblivious to the world of hockey, but also to the concept of strategy in, well, anything it seems.

The message these women send out is that if you’re feminine, you probably don’t know sports, and shouldn’t even try. You should just have sports-themed (and I say that in the vaguest of terms) girl talk with your friends while your husband/boyfriend watches the game. Seriously, ladies? That’s the message you want to send? That women should focus on the color of the Sedin twins’ “downstairs” instead of how their dynamic passing attack and behind-the-net forecheck requires a third forward on their line who has great speed and hockey sense a la Alex Burrows? Girls, please.

In my experience, the guys who are with the girly girl who doesn’t understand sports, are only there for the sex. If your husband/boyfriend is a sports fanatic, I can all but guarantee that he really wants a woman who can share his passion intelligently, and not be such an airhead. If your husband/boyfriend is a sports nut and you don’t know a power play from a hip check, what exactly can you two talk about? Before you jump down my throat, I know that you most likely share other common interests, and that’s great. But in my opinion, if two people in a relationship do not share a common passion, it’s probably not going to work out in the long-run.

If you care more about fashion and looking pretty than you do about having a strong relationship with excellent communication, go to the Jersey Shore and pick up a meat head who is into how he looks just as much as you are. And speaking of fashion, these ladies aren’t exactly turning heads with their, let’s say “brave” fashion choices.  A black and white horizontal striped dress? The last girl I saw wear that kind of monstrosity and somewhat pull it off was Tatianna on season two of RuPaul’s Drag Race, and even then, it was questionable. Oh, and the lovely lady in blue, who ever picked out your shoes was, to quote Elle Woods from Legally Blonde, “seriously disturbed.” That dress needs a more sophisticated shoe, not reject footwear from the moms on Toddlers and Tiaras.

Their misguided fashion sense doesn’t end within their own wardrobe. They attempted, and mostly failed, to give a pitiful list of the best and worst dressed within the NHL. In their best dressed list, the one and only Don Cherry makes an appearance, probably in a tacky floral print double-breasted monstrosity with velvet somewhere in the ensemble. You can’t forget their inclusion of Captain Tiny Pockets himself, Sidney Crosby. While number 87 is usually a snappy dresser from the waist-up and ankle-down (when he’s not wearing crocs), his ill-fitting pants should immediately disqualify him from the best dressed competition. Their taste isn’t all bad, though. They did have enough sense to include Henrik Lundqvist and Kevin Bieksa, as well as the dark horse choice of John Tortorella. A bold choice, but I can see where they are coming from.

Don’t forget their worst dressed list, because by now we know these ladies belong on 5th Ave or Rodeo Drive. They pick apart Ovechkin, and for good measure. When he’s not in a suit, he looks like he should be on the Russian Jersey Shore. For some reason they decided to poke some fun at team trainers, who have no control over what they wear during games. I agree, the khakis and white tennis shoes are an eyesore, but they can’t help it, they have to wear them. The most surprising member of the worst-dressed list is Carey Price. Apparently these women don’t appreciate a new twist on cowboy-chic, or a handsome man in a fine tailored suit (All Star Draft anyone?). 

Their best and worst dressed list shows three things, they have poor Google skills, horrendous fashion sense, and some serious creative problems. I won’t get into who should have been on the list, but how could they leave out Steven Stamkos?! 

Yes, I am a fashion addict. Yes, I do tend to focus a lot on the overwhelming attractiveness of my favorite players. Yes, I have caught myself critiquing coaches’ choice of game-day suit.

But here is the big difference, I’m not an airheaded narcissist. Well, I’m not airheaded.

You’ll notice that I don’t comment on football, baseball, soccer, basketball, lacrosse, or any other sport but hockey. Mainly because despite my efforts to enjoy those sports, I just don’t like them. Not for me. I don’t know those games due to my blatant lack of interest. However, you will never see me watching a game with my girlfriends and commenting on players’ butts or facial hair. I know I don’t know the game, and I know that saying things like that will only further perpetuate the stereotype that flamboyant gay men are nothing but sex-craved airheads. We’re not. I’m not.

By the way, since when did people start getting shows talking about something they no nothing about? I mean other than The View. Though I’m sure Fox News approached Tim Thomas about a possible political talk show after he snubbed the White House. No one is giving RuPaul a show discussing the cost-benefit analysis of implementing new manufacturing systems in Australian factories. And Glenn Beck doesn’t have a show where he discusses things rationally. Why would CBC back two women who obviously know as much about sports as I do about lion taming?

Though, come to think of it, maybe I should start a podcast/blog about what I think when my “straight-acting” (ew I hate that term, but it works here) boyfriend watches football. I think ESPN would pick it up and I could rival “While the Men Watch.” Hmmm. ESPN, the ball is in your court.

Oh, oh, oh! I just thought of another show the CBC should get on board with! Get two macho straight men, and have them start a show called “While the Women Shop.” Million dollar idea! CBC, I await your phone call.

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2 Responses to While The Airheads Get Their Own Show

  1. As we’ve already seen with some of HNIC commentators, the hiring process is not very long at CBC. These ladies can talk about Lundquist’s butt all day if they want to, the fact that CBC is promoting it as a ‘woman’s alternative’ and giving them page hits is an embarrassment

  2. petshark says:

    Great post, and very informative. I’m such a bad woman I hadn’t even thought about those fashion mistakes.

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