Duck Soup

Scouting Report: Anaheim Schmucks Ducks

Maybe it was our Ginsberg homage, but we’re starting to re-think this whole “On The Road” bit.  I mean, look where it got Kerouac.  And look where it’s getting our Caps.

Granted, there is a spot of difference between losing one road-trip game, and dying a dessicated penniless husk. And our Boys in Red did appear to play harder and more consistently in Phoenix…at least during the first two stanzas.  That, and although it’s still a work in progress, for the first time in a while our PP seemed more Power than Play. (Damn you, Ilya Bryzgalov!)

However it looks like it might be a while before Mean Mike Green returns, following his gash and possible-maybe-rumored concussion.  The Caps have called up defenseman Patrick McNeill (6′, 23 years old, shoots left) from the Bears – a solid player, but no Greenie at a time we desperately need him.

For their part, the Ducks have been on a roll of late, winning their last four straight. They recently blanked Edmonton (but what’s that saying, really?) and their mid-season surge has nudged them into first place in the Pacific.  So we’ve got a date at the Duck Pond tonight, and these Anaheim ducks bite.

Anaheim…shit. I’m still only in Anaheim.

Awright, let’s back up for a moment.  We know we can get a little rough on some of the “cities” that host our Caps.  Like, say, Toronto.  Or Atlanta.  Or Phoenix.  Or…

So let us take this moment to now review the bounty of cultural gifts this great metropolis has bestowed upon us, won’t we?  Take away the brain-dribbling nightmares of Disneyland and what’s left?  Well, there’s the overly-botoxed avarice of the “Real Housewives.”  There’s the overly-tanned mendacity of “B-1” Bob Dornan.  And…


Well there’s “the Finnish Flash.”  Teemu Selanne, the 40-year-old Energizer Bunny from Helsinki who just keeps playing and playing and scoring and scoring.
True dat he looks a bit like a Clockwork Orange droogie…but you’d still want him on your team. 

Luka Sbisa wins the prize for Most Confusing Name (“is that a hockey player or lesbian sex act?”) but from what we’ve seen there’s nothing girly about this one.

Cam Fowler has a certain high-school-geeky thing going.  Or more like he coulda been a gleeky kid (it’s the red hair) who’s now all growed up.

But our favorite Duck foto has to be this one of  Corey Perry.  We didn’t bother to authenticate it, or figure out what it’s origins are.  That’s how much we want this to be him. 

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