5v5 With The Production Line
Grief is a funny thing. Well…OK, not really funny at all. But it is true that everyone reacts to it differently…which is kinda funny.
Take, for example, the Caps four-and-out run against Tampa Bay. Oh that (you’re thinking) wasn’t that like, what, a year ago? See what we mean? Grief can make minutes seem like days. And loss seem like…mmm, losses, I guess.
All of us in Caps-blog-istan reacted differently to our Bolts beat-down. Some put on a brave face. Some got really angry. A few we thought might need to go on suicide watch. (Us? We just lashed out at the nearest target.)
It was the same story in Detroit. Similar story, more like – sure, the Wings ultimately lost, but were hardly swept. It wasn’t just a fool’s hope to think they could pull it out in game 7. Even in defeat, they were inspiring.
And yet, there you are again at grief. Our pals at The Production Line were pretty busted up. Still are, it seems. When we recently saw that TPL contributor Rob “The Dish” Discher has a bad case of the sadz, we thought an intervention was needed. As in: a little 5v5 play. Our questions and his answers follow – look soon for them to return the favor.
PB: It’s been a couple weeks since both of our teams were booted – yours valiantly, ours less so. What do you think happened to the Caps? Or did the Caps happen to the Caps? Be honest, but don’t you dare bash Sasha. (OK, bash Sasha if you have to. Nicky too, but lay off Coach Boudreau, OK?).
TPL: I genuinely don’t know how in the hell that happened. The Rangers are one of those teams that I never respect in the playoffs….or really any time for that matter. I really felt like that was a good starter series for you guys, but even that didn’t go as smoothly as I would have thought. There’s no shame in going out to The Lightning…though there is some disgrace in doing it as un-impressively as you guys did. They’re a hell of a team. I genuinely pulled for them to beat the Massholes, if for no other reason than Stevie Y would get another stripe as a hockey genius for building that club.
Also, Sasha needs to get his shit together. It might be time to give up there.
PB: Do you honestly care who wins the Cup? And after that dust has settled, how will you guys spend the off-season? Attending NASCAR races, BBQ cook-offs, or charm school is our guess. And do you ever make the trip across the river to Windsor just so you can feel Canadian?
TPL: First of all, you’re really getting greedy with my 5 on 5 concept…all this triple question business. Yes, I do care who wins the Cup – to an extent. Am I going to hang on every faceoff the way I would if the Wings were still playing? Absolutely not…but the last thing I want to see is Boston taking that thing home. For one, it would put a dent into my general ranting that the Eastern Conference is full of junior varsity lesbian squads. Second, I just hate Boston. It’s really that simple. I’m pro-Western, anti-Mass.
PB: The first TPL post after elimination “And with that… we say goodnight,” must’ve been tough to write. Petrella had the byline, but did you or Chris have any input? How far ahead of time did you guys write that? During the first round, maybe?
TPL: That was all Petrella, and honestly, it was the only thing I read about the Wings or anyone else in the NHL for about 3 weeks. That post kicked off annual my post-exit period of mourning. It was a dark time, filled with strange vices, mind-altering substances and terrible thoughts in the lean hours of the morning…pretty sure you’re familiar with that path. Anyway, did we write that early? Hell no. That’s loser-talk. We save that stuff for the chumps in Phoenix and the ladies over in Shitsburgh.
PB: Next to the beefcake Loss Candy TPL is known for (which apparently may also have gotten you listed on some states’ sex offender sites, too), we love the nicknames you give out. What nicknames would you come up with for Doug and I?
TPL: I’m prevented by my parole from commenting publicly.
PB: Close your eyes for a moment and imagine it’s the Caps and Wings in the SCF. How do you fantasize the series unfolding – who are the heroes/goats, stars? What do you estimate the Detroit body count would’ve been in the event of a Red Wings win or loss (because we’re certain there would be rioting either way).
TPL: You’re last point is dead-on. When we win, we light the cars on fire. When we lose, we light the cars on fire. It’s part of the circle of life…or the ring of fire – who’s more appropriate here: Elton John or Johnny Cash? Dumb question. Moving on, I would have loved to see this happen for multiple reasons. For one, I’ve got a soft spot in my heart for the Caps dating back to my fertile days roaming U Street. Second, I enjoyed playing you guys in the regular season and think the styles would have made for a great series. I think Detroit still wins that one, and as much as I want to say we do it with our grind guys, I think that’s a series for the stars….for the flashy Russians and a handful of Swedes. I see Ovie coming up massive in that series, only to be slightly outdone by Pavel, with both thoroughly enjoying the competition and the “anything you can do I can do better” atmosphere.
PB OVERTIME: We’re convinced one of you guys is gay; the writing is just too clever. Fess up – which one is it?
TPL: It’s Hollis, but don’t tell his fiancée. (throws linemate under the bus)
PB SHOOT OUT: During the Detroit series, the hockey Interwebs were abuzz with people who sorta liked the Wings, but hated their fans. Why is that and what can Wings fans do to be as well liked as Caps fans?
TPL: It’s hard to not like Detroit as an organization. It’s an impeccably well run group; t’s owned by a guy who has done a lot to rebuild the city, and the success has been unprecedented. There’s other organizations out there who I hate because of where they’re from, but I respect because of what they’ve done. Celtics to some extent, Yankees…you could build this out for a while. Detroit fans, however, are generally seen as spoiled. We’re seen as overly bitchy when things don’t go our way…too hard on the refs, too vocal about any criticism we get either as a fanbase or as an organization. I get that to some extent. We have been spoiled – ROTTEN. I was basically in diapers the last time the Wings weren’t in the playoffs. It happens…but just like any hot, leggy Latina, I assume that people hate us because they’re jealous.