As seen on RMNB
The Red Carpet: Oh Lorda Mercy. Tonight = Oscars. Monday = Trade deadline. We don’t know which town is more nervous, Hollywood or Washington. Larfs, what a silly question! Of course we do. Exactly because we’ve served our time in both, and we know which town is more bloodless:
Phone call in DC: “Hello. Yeah, but what can you do for me tomorrow?”
Phone call in Hollywood: “What? You again?” *click.*
Check it out. Starshines like Julia Roberts, Harrison Ford (or Virginia Mayo) disappear from the screen. A little too… seasoned. Anonymous tradesmen like James Cromwell or Melissa McCarthy: can’t book you enough. Proven winners… and we hate this more than you do… like Brad Pitt or Meryl Someoneorother. Well, they win. Because they’re winners. Until they don’t.
There’s nothing more cold-blooded than a PuckBuddy at Oscar time. Accept that. So, here’s the Academy of Gay Hockey Bloggers (AGHB©) taking a look at the year that was, and what we can expect, yes? Because, like it or not, teh gays know from whence they speak. So…who’s our starshines? Our tradesmen? Our winners? Oh, stop wetting yourselves. There’s hockey in here, too. Read.
- Best Silent Performance: Mike Knuble? Hoho, we’re guessing he texts Ms. Carerra nightly. Dreamy Brooksie Laich? We love his hits on Elliot In The Morning, but he’s disqualified exactly because of this. And he hasn’t started dating our hot blonde friend. So: the Puckie goes to Alexander Semin. Oh sure, five months ago there was this little spurt of “reaching out” to English-speaking media, and what came of that? Who is the Caps Greta Garbo? Sasha, we love you. Keep silent.
- Best Special Effects: Troy (HatTrick) Brouwer has dazzled with some impressive dashing passes. Sasha is again nominated, but of late he’s had to be more the Pew-Pew! head-on shooter rather than the Day of the Jackal sorta sniper we need. The Puckie goes to: Mike Knuble, who has had more magic-pants almost goals somehow waved off than any other Cap. Knoobs: tonight you are our
Oscarwe can’t say that Puckie Award winner!
- Best Imaginary Screenplay: Oh, we love this one. Here’s where you get to write your history before history has actually written it! GMGM is a suitable nominee, for his ongoing excuses about what is, and isn’t, working for the Caps. Yet the Puckie goes to: Uncle Ted. “Mr. Leonsis is not available to accept tonight’s award, but thanks the AGHB and its members for this honor.” (We made that up.)
- Stupedest Stupefying Most Idiotic Teeth-Gritting Dumb Dumb Post: Well, lolz, we win this one. Mostly because we haven’t (and don’t care to) peruse those other sites for dip-shit comments and wanker analysis. Look, there are plenty of Caps blogs out there, and we’ve read our share of num-nutz posts. But overall, we’re happy with our overlords at RMNB, who consistently demonstrate acceptance of when we’re wrong.
- OMG You Can’t Possibly Continue Award: Unawarded. This is where you step up. We, the AGHB©, want to hear from you…the average, non-blogging, Caps-Centric nutjob. We see our Twitter feed. We know what you’re thinking. Now you have to step up with your categories, and nominees. But Hurry! Time, she’sa runnin out!
As you thread your way through the AGHB post party at ________ (you got the invite or you didn’t, stop pretending) you have no doubt bumped into several of our nominees and winners.
In the end, Caps: you’re all winners. The Washington Capitals bench has more individual talent than any team we’ve seen in years. Once you start playing together, as a unified squad, you will be unstoppable.
This weekend, we picked off teams from Mecca and Vatican City – maybe not the biggest threats in the NHL, but it was nice to have back to back wins for the first time since… Mary Pickford graced the silver screen.
Meme of the Night: Uh-huh