I grew up in NASCAR, not hockey, and was frequently underestimated as a young female fan. Like you, I’d hear a comment about “pit lizards” (racing-ese for “puck bunnies”) and feel that balloon pop, after I’d spent months saving my money and begging for time off from my shitty job to go to my beloved Daytona International Speedway. Or I’d be told I was only there because certain drivers are “cute” by some asshole who couldn’t name 5 drivers, like “cute” is a factor in a sport that involves people sitting in a car for hours. It upsets me that years later, I see and hear that sort of attitude in another sport as well. A straight man recently asked why I’d let that affect me. Well, he didn’t grow up with the straws constantly getting piled onto his back like female and gay fans do, just because we want to enjoy something we love *and* be ourselves.

As women, my wife and I are relatively safe holding hands in an arena or by the track. (Though I’ll never forget the time an Islanders fan yelled “Fuck you, you fucking Pittsburgh dykes!” after the Penguins won at Nassau. We figured he was just reaching for the meanest thing he could think of after a frustrating night.) Our gay and bi male friends can’t do that. One couple we know tells their daughter to call her stepfather by his first name, not “Papa,” at an arena or track, and to refer to him as “my dad’s friend.” Gay and bi men have challenges that are so different from what women of all sexual orientations face, but they all seem to come from the same dark, dank, horrible place in the human psyche.

Sorry to write a blog underneath yours. I hope for better for LGBT people and women coming up, too. If we keep talking, we just might get it.