As a Bruins fan, you get used to a certain amount of drama with your hockey. No, I’m not talking the Brad Marchand school of acting, or Jack Edwards’ agreeably hysterical play-by-play style. Instead, I’m talking their recent history of extended, nailbiting playoff series. In the last six years, the Bruins have played eight 7-game series. With the notable exception of the Stanley Cup in 2011, where they won 3 game sevens, they’ve lost every one of those. 

Tension, drama, and ultimately heartbreak have been common companions to Bruins fans come playoff time.

Heeeeere’s Jacky!!!

All due respect to the Leafs, but no one expected any one of those three things going into the round 1 series, but the Buds played out of their skins, and another game seven decided the Bruins’ fate. In games 1 through 6, the Bruins looked largely flat.  Aside from the consistently excellent Lucic-Krecji-Horton line, the forwards all went missing for long stretches of time.  On the blueline, Chara was good, but not the dominating presence we are used to, allowing Phil Kessel to finally get the Bruins monkey (Bear?) of his back and have a really effective series. 

Reimer and Rask matched each other save for save, with Reimer arguably even having an edge over the former Leafs prospect. And, perhaps most importantly for the Leafs, Randy Carlyle almost accidentally iced an effective lineup. Injury forced Clarke MacArthur and Jake Gardiner into the lineup, both of whom were excellent and Mikhail Grabovski, who had been in Carlyle’s doghouse all year, was an absolute beast.

The end result of this general sluggishness on the part of the Bruins, and surprising quality on the part of the Leafs was that a series I thought would go 5 being decided in OT in game 7. Which would be exciting enough by itself, but that is only part of the story. As I noted generally above, the Bruins were up until this week the champion choke artists of recent NHL history. In 2010, they were 3-0 up in the conference quarterfinals against Philly, only to lose the next 3. They were then up 3 goals in game seven only to completely collapse and lose the game and the series.  This was the first time a team had lost a series while up 3-0 since the Pens did it against the Isles in 1975. It was a total, epic collapse.

On Monday night, the Leafs managed to compress that epic 4 games of failure into 15 almost literally unbelievable minutes.  I had given up when Kadri scored early in the 3rd period to make it 4-1.  Most of the fans at the garden had, too. Apparently thousands left the arena, and those that were left were booing their own team. Then; Horton scored. Then, incredibly, two goals with the empty net. When it was almost too late, the Bergeron line joining Krecji’s in being productive, and it was Saint Patrice who scored the tying goal with less than a minute left.

He then one-upped himself by scoring the winner in OT. I couldn’t quite believe what I’d seen, but the B’s were through to the next round.  An amazing series, and hopefully the wakeup call the team needed to kick their ass into gear for the second round.

Everyone Loves Bergeron!

A quick side note on the Leafs: no one expected them to make the playoffs, and no one expected them to come within 55 seconds of a series win.  It was an amazing effort by a team with a lot of talent but also a lot of room to grow, and hopefully their management makes the right moves to let them do so in the off season.

In the second round, courtesy of their own game 7 win, the B’s are matched up with the Rangers. After the Toronto series, the Bruins D was kind of beaten up, and went into game 1 with the experienced Seidenberg, Ference, and Redden. That’s a significant loss of experience and, in 2 out of 3 cases (sorry, Wade) significant talent. Their replacements are the incredibly inexperienced Dougie Hamilton, Matt Bartkowski, and Torey Krug.  In game one, all three did a pretty damn good job.

Krug scored his first playoff goal in his first playoff game, and Hamilton and Bartkowski looked solid when trusted with fairly heavy minutes.  In the end, the B’s won 3-2, again in OT, with a perfect pass from Bergeron setting up Marchand for the winner.  With the top two lines both looking good now, Tuukka looking solid, and surprising depth appearing on the blue line, things are looking promising for the 2nd round. 

You’ll forgive me, though, if I’m hoping for a bit less drama this time. Technical previews aren’t my forte, but luckily I don’t have to do one. In my view, can’t do better than TomServo42 at Stanley Cup of Chowder, whose excellent preview is well worth reading.

The regular season has come and gone, as has the first round of the playoffs. Since dead week/finals week/Breaking Bad prevented me from doing an end of the year wrap-up or a playoff preview, here’s a first round wrap-up of sorts and a second round preview for you to digest. Speaking of digestion, isn’t it hilarious that some people actually thought that Ken Hitchcock and the Blues (JAY GALLON) would win the West? I think so.

What happened; In a battle of two future Conference III teams, the Chicago Blackhawks eliminated the Minnesota Wild 4-1. The Wild threw everything they had at the Blackhawks and only came away with one more playoff win than the Canucks. Josh Harding (more like Hard-work-ing, amirite?) started all 5 games in place of Niklas Bäckström, who hurt himself during warmups before game one. He played exceptionally well in the first three games of the series – stopping 103 of 111 shots – before sustaining an injury in game four and being replaced by all-world goaltender Darcy Kuemper in games four and five. Kuemper let in 4 goals on the 33 total shots he faced including the first shot he faced during game four. In other words, he was about as bad as you’d expect a backup goalie’s backup goalie to be.

The Blackhawks dominated the possession game by outshooting the Wild 33.5 shots/60 minutes to 24.3 shots/60 minutes. Chicago’s depth was simply too much for the young Minnesota defensemen to handle. Norris Trophy finalist Ryan Suter’s Corsi numbers could be summed up using phrases like “really bad”, “atrocious”, “laughable”, “worse than Doug Murray’s” and “-22.82”. With a PDO of 935, you would expect that number to eventually improve, but we can still laugh for the time being. There will come a day when young’uns like Jonas Brodin (-6.10 Corsi) and Marco “local grocery store/horrible STI” Scandella (-19.73 Corsi) have developed into legitimate NHL defensemen. But last week(?) is not that day. They were repeatedly worked over by the Hawks forwards and generally looked overmatched.

When your team scores 7 goals in 5 games, you’re probably not going to go very far in the playoffs. Matt Cullen led all Minnesota players with a meager 3 points. That should tell you everything you need to know about the Wild’s scoring problem. Zach Parise, brought in to help a team dependent on Dany Heatley (lol) and Mikko Koivu to score goals, had all of 1 point in those 5 games, which definitely seems like it would be worth $98 million. Look at it this way; Zach Parise is beautiful. Does that make up for his disappearing act when his team needed him most? No. Is it nice? Very yes. Speaking of absolutely invisible, Mikko Koivu, often referred to as one of the more underrated players in the NHL, had zero points. But he also had 8 PIM, so I guess he wasn’t completely invisible. Either Koivu was playing hurt, which I doubt he’d ever admit, or he’s “underrated” for a reason.

The Blackhawks may have dominated against a much weaker Wild team, but there was still plenty of room for improvement. They played strong defense throughout the series, including the relatively new pairing of Keith and Hjalmarsson. Their Corsi numbers were off the charts but the eye test also concurred that they played well. PDO suggests they will regress to some degree, but the fact remains the same.

Nick Leddy paired with Michal Rozsival is a good thing and I’m glad Quenneville hasn’t been stupid enough to pair him with Sheldon Brookbank instead. Rozsival has been a nice compliment to Leddy’s puck-moving tendencies and has provided a calming influence for the occasional yips (YAPP IT) Leddy still shows. Brent Seabrook’s Corsi is decent (12.26) but he benefitted from playing against weaker competition in the Wild and starting 2/3 of his shifts in the offensive zone. He’s looked slow all year and his play will need to improve in order to keep up with some of Detroit’s faster forwards. I blame all of those nachos.

The third line did the real damage in this series. Shaw, Bickell and Frolik combined for 11 points in those five games. Even when they weren’t scoring points they were major factors in each game. Frolik contributed invaluable minutes on the PK, which held the Wild without a power-play goal throughout the series. Bickell brought the physical element he tends to bring in big games, which gives him the space and the 30 seconds it takes for him to unload that wicked wrister of his. He’s going to get a LOT of money when another team decides to pay more than $541,667 this summer.

Full team #fancystats can be found here.

What’s happening; The Hawks will host Detroit on Wednesday at 7:00 PM CST (f*** Eastern time). I’ll be SRO so you should stop and say something. It doesn’t have to be “hi”; it could be “high”, for example. Moving on… after the jumpFor some reason, Quenneville has decided now is a good time to screw with the lines and subsequently, the fans. In years past, Q would always shake up lines if they weren’t producing, sometimes after only a few shifts.

In contrast, he’s kept the lines and the d-pairings fairly consistent throughout this year…until now. Stalberg has found himself in a familiar place; Quenneville’s doghouse. He didn’t have a particularly good series against the Wild, but why is now the time to play mind games with your players? What type of message is this supposed to send, if there really is one at all? It doesn’t make any sense to bench (or at least consider benching) one of the fastest players in the league against a team with defensemen so bad and slow that Jay Feaster just offered them each a 5 year deal worth $25 million.

Dave Bolland will dress for the first time in a couple of weeks. Whether he decides to show up for the game is a different story. Q previously stated that Bolland will resume his previous role as the third-line center, where he’s had plenty of past success. So naturally, Q changed his mind and currently has Bolland slotted between Sharp and Kane again, where he’s been absolutely atrocious all year (-100 billion Corsi or something close). I’d like to see Sharp put back at center with either Bickell or Stalberg taking over his spot at wing. That’d bump the lines to 20-19-81, 29/25-10-88, 29/25-36-67, 65-16-hopefully 28 (Ben Smith), but probably 13/52. Of course, that’ll never happen though because Joel Quenneville.

What’s gonna happen, probably; I’m just going to lay this out there; Original 6 hockey is not “better” than other hockey. Sure, it’s cool to see matchups featuring Original 6 teams but the hockey itself isn’t necessarily any different so let’s stop pretending it is. With that said, the Red Wings/Blackhawks rivalry is one of the best in the NHL and these two teams will go at it 4-7 last times before Detroit gets to stop whining about their travel schedule. Each game these two teams play is exciting and it should provide plenty of entertainment for all involved.

Keys to the series:

More first line production.  In the playoffs, you need your superstars to perform like superstars. It seriously pains me to say it, but Toews needs to be better.  Two points in five games against a bad Wild team is not acceptable. Saad wasn’t  very visible either, registering only one point. Hossa was the only one who played well, tying Sharp for the team lead in points with six. On paper, the Blackhawks forwards should do very illegal things to the Red Wings defense corps. Toews and Saad need to live up to those expectations.

Continued success on the PK.  The Blackhawks dominated five-on-five play all year and especially during the first round.  That shouldn’t be an issue. They’ll need to stay out of the box against a Detroit team that averaged about 9.4 goals/60 minutes on the PP against Anaheim. The Blackhawks held the Wild without a PP goal but they will need to continue their lights-out PK against a strong Red Wing power-play.

Goaltending.  Jimmy Howard has very mediocre numbers against the Blackhawks in his career. In 17 career games, he has a 2.79 GAA and a .905 save percentage against them. If the Hawks can get to Howard early and often, it may rattle his confidence against a team he’s already struggled against.  Crawford stood on his head throughout the entire Wild series. He gave up two soft goals – one in game 1 and another in game 3 – but he played extremely well overall to the tune of a .935 even strength save percentage, a shutout, and a 1.32 GAA. Needless to say, if Crawford continues to play this well the Hawks should advance with ease.

I predict a riveting series that Chicago eventually takes in six games (I’m generous). Go Hawks.

This is your captain speaking. We’re experiencing some slight turbulence directly over New York City. Uhhhhhh…I just want to let you know that this is perfectly normal, folks. With so muchhhh uhhhhh….hot gas coming out of the city, a little shake up is to be expected. This craft is built right though, so, uhhhhhh….we’ve got nothing to worry about. Thanks for flying CapsAir, folks.

Okay, so it happened. Our first loss of the series. Did it come down to some deep-hidden flaw in the nature of this team being brought to light under the antique highbeams of Madison Square Garden? Was it the Canadiens in the first round three years back, saying “Alors!” and blocking every shot, effectively stymieing our one-dimensional slapshot offense? Was it Tampa Bay the year after that clogging up the neutral zone like a dental dam and forcing us to admit that we had less idea how to enter the offensive zone than a virgin on prom night?

No, it was not. This year’s edition of the Washington Capitals is the most complete and well-rounded of any in the last several years. The offense is ferocious and precocious, lethal on the powerplay and based around a forecheck so potent they should call it a fivecheck (#fivecheck. Dibs.). We have two bona fide starters in Braden Holtby and Michal Neuvirth, both locked up to new multi-year contracts and both capable of being the guy for any team in the NHL. Our defense is still our Karlsson Heel (too soon? ), prone to boneheaded plays and poorly timed penalties, but it’s not the Swiss cheese it was of the Boudreau Era. I am convinced our bench boss, Adam Oates, is a genius and I said from moment the Erat trade happened that it was a good one. What happened on Monday was because of penalties.

The New York Rangers were awarded six power plays. Six. They scored on one of them, which was enough to give them a 4-3 victory. I am not going to say that any of them were undeserved, but I’ll say that a few more Tony awards will have to be minted this year for the crying done on Broadway Monday night. The Rangers made damn sure that any perceived opportunity, big or small, was brought to the referees’ attention like Wile E. Coyote had stuck a lit stick of dynamite in their boots and they had to be warned.

When Alexander Ovechkin got high-sticked in the final minutes of the third period, did he sell it? Absolutely, and in real-time so that the referee wouldn’t know. But he did genuinely get high-sticked, and his sell was no more egregious than what happens every night in every arena across the league. The Rangers pursued refs like lost puppies looking for whistles. Ovechkin simply sang for his dinner.

The Rangers’ powerplay is nothing to write home about, but six opportunities is too many to give any team. As we saw throughout the end of the regular season, it is hard to win games when you can only use four players. But Oates has his team chanting “trust the system” like some grand Orwellian nightmare, so I believe this ship will right itself.

I guarantee four or fewer power plays for the Rangers on Wednesday night, a thirty-three percent reduction from Game 3. If the Caps can stay at even strength or better with the Rangers, the best team is going to win this series, and it is going to be the one from Washington. Taking Game 4 at MSG and returning to DC only needing one would be the best way to start.

Sports are wrought with emotion. It’s what’s makes them such a great part of fan(atic)s’ lives. The unexpected highpoints and the crushing low points are what litter the landscape on the road that ends at 16W with a stop at Lord Stanley’s. The New York Islanders Fans have traveled this road before. They know the road and where the potholes are. This incarnation of the team hasn’t, though.

They are young and inexperienced. That much was evident in game 1 when Pittsburgh blew the doors of them. They sat there and the black sports car with gold racing stripes streaked by them. The Penguins notched 1W out of the 16 needed to reach their goal and it seemed like 4.

The height of the clamor of the Chicken Littles was 3 minutes in yesterday where the Islanders were already down 2-0. A few journalists with keen eyes and a penchant for analytics pointed out the Isles were starting to actually steer play in their direction and that Pittsburgh couldn’t keep allowing chances in waves. The Isles poked one home and then the Captain of the Penguins and the only story the NHL cares about responded. The New York Islanders were trying to outrace a Ferrari in a Dodge Dart.

Okposo busts the Pens’ grill

Then a funny thing happened. Brian Strait took the side mirror off that snazzy sports car with a (surgically repaired) teeth rattler on Crosby. And then Kyle Okposo smashed their grill in with a cross that crossed up Matt Niskanen. 13 seconds later, the Islanders found the back of the net.  3 minutes later, they squared the score. From then on, the Islanders had the inside track. The race is 2 laps in, and dead even.  

With Goaltenders, confidence is a funny thing. With some, no matter how many big games they win, it’s never more than an awkward bounce away from eroding. With others, you can hang 8 on them in 3 periods, have the best player in the world streaking down the wing unchallenged, biscuit on his stick looking for a hat trick and have the seemingly struggling goaltender swagger the puck away with panache. The Professor is the teams thermostat, not it’s thermometer. Nabby sets the temperature. His cool demeanor never gives it away, win or lose. 6 times this team has gone on the road and spotted the opposition a quick deuce lead and then rallied to overtake them. Your barn does not scare them. They are too young to know any better. They are however, starting to learn they are good.

Ready to roar

It’s a funny thing going into a game knowing you are going to be reduced to tears. That was the experience at the regular season home finale against Florida. The boys flexed the guns and imposed their will and the old Barn on Hempstead Turnpike got a little dust kicked up in the air possible, because a few eyes got misty as ‘WE WANT PLAYOFFS’ shook the rafters dotted with memories of playoff glory past.  After the clincher (scored by who else, Johnny Franchise) in Carolina, the dust seemed to make it’s way through every TV set that was watching the game. Quite a few TV sets, too as the Islanders ratings, lockout and all are up 150%. Anyhow, the last game at the Coliseum and the first game at Barclay’s will produce some of that eye irritating dust, but tomorrow will produce something else: Ear-aches. Soak in the atmosphere tomorrow afternoon. It’s been a long time coming.     

The Ghost Of Volek has awakened…

This team has been ‘lost in the wilderness’ since David Volek smoked a one-timer past Tom Barrasso in the Spring of ’93 to deny the Penguins a dynasty. Since then, they’ve been sold, mocked, faced extinction and irrelevance. Now, they have one of the best players in the world, a sparkling new home waiting, an outdoor game next year, and oh yeah, an inspiring month plus of play to get the opportunity to be where they are today.  The New York Islanders tradition is that of a team that doesn’t believe in convention, that scoffs at the easy way.

That tradition was began in 1975 by ousting the Rangers and twice rallying to square series that they trailed 3-0, including a legendary salvo by 18 to take down the mighty Penguins. Then there were Tonelli’s heroics to keep the dynasty dreams alive at the expense of Pittsburgh. And lastly, the aforementioned thunderclap that was Ferraro to Volek.

This history, this road traveled by the Islanders, has gone through the Steel City before. They know the path and they’d like nothing more than to complete that trip again. The ’80s muscle car has the engine humming and the flashy imported sports car is sporting a few nicks in the paint today.  Better buckle up, kids.

Today’s abbreviated Game 2 Preview comes less than twenty-four hours after the Caps 3-1 victory over the Rangers in Game 1, and less than twenty-four hours before what is sure to be a systematic dismantling of the Rangers in Game 2. We’re going to start off with two reasons why the Capitals won on Thursday, and one big reason why they’re going to win on Saturday. Let’s get to it.

Reason #1: The Stretch Pass: Olek-see?!

The Capitals beat the Rangers on Thursday by making long, crisp passes. Witness Steven Oleksy’s ruby red two-liner right to the tape of Marcus Johansson’s stick (let’s all savor that for a moment.) (Mmmm.)

If you had asked us, “Can Steven Olesky hit?” we would have said yes, emphatically. If you had asked, “Hey, does Steven Oleksy look like Daniel Craig and Vladimir Putin got freaky in the equipment shed of an ice rink?” Again, a definitive yes. But if you had asked us whether or not Oleksy would end up having one of the best assists in memory, we would’ve hurried up the F Street exit of the Gallery Place Metro and hoped you didn’t follow us up.

The Rangers applied pressure to the Capitals, both at even strength and when the Caps had the power play. That’s a smart ploy, because like an ill-placed underwear tag, it keeps the Caps from getting comfortable. This power-play toys with teams like those videos of Killer Whales tossing around wounded seals like playthings (hey, it’s nature, OK?) The Rangers took that away by stepping up the Caps in the offensive zone, and forechecking at the other end. Cram your stick in the gears of the machine and it will sputter and die.

The Captain gettin’ it dun

But Oates, like a glorious golden god, adjusted. Instead of skating pucks into and out of the respective zones, he had his boys send telegrams from one to the other. In hockey, just like in football, you beat a blitz by throwing right past it. I wish I could have seen the look on Torts’ face (hint: I bet it was a frown.) (Eds: like he just smelled old baby diapers.)

Reason #2: Do the Hustle – a Pyramid Scheme

Like Chris Brown with a boo boo on his hand, the Caps also beat the Rangers with their feet. I talk all the time about “building the goal pyramid” – winning the little, necessary battles that eventually put you in position to score. Last night the Caps were building pyramids so hard that you could call Tortorella “Rameses.” (Eds: where’s your God now?)

Multiple times, Rangers players slung the puck around the back of their own net, expecting safe receipt in the harbor of Blueshirt Bay, only to have a hustling Caps forechecker beat the puck to the man and turn it into an offensive attack for the good guys. There were stretches where the Caps kept the puck in the Rangers zone so long I assumed Oates was filibustering the neutral zone. For the first time in as long as I can remember, the Capitals looked like the team that wanted it more in a playoff game. Hallelujah!, Praise Oates.

Why the Caps Win Saturday: Braden or Bust

Again, this one comes down to Holtby vs. Lundqvist. When King Henrik, aka Pharaoh Hatshepsut (look it up) snatched that Erat slapper out of the air like so many coupons for half-off mousse, I gulped audibly. It felt like the Lundqvist was getting out his b-boy skull cap, in preparation of standing on his head.

So when Mojo and Chimera dented him twice on what were really a couple of cheapies, I was able to unclench. Lundqvist, as good as he is, is not a goalie who gets betters as series go along. In fact, he usually tends to show a bit of fatigue by the time games 6 or 7 roll around, whether physical or mental. The Caps adjusted brilliantly (sensing an Oates-tinged pattern?) They began with long bombs from the point. When those weren’t getting through, they tried baking some muffins from out far and throwing them off Henrik’s pads to generate rebound.

Sensing Lundqvist had better rebound control than a recently-dumped eunich, they proceeded to try skating it in deep and beating him in the slot. That’s the way to do it: keep it moving til the wheels fall off. Braden Holtby, on the other hand, has the mental fortitude of a chaste chess champion.

Bottom Line: If Holtby can outduel Lundqvist in Game 2 and send the Rangers back to New York peering up from a two-goal hole, this series might just be over before you can say “Borough.”

Playoff hockey is back in the nation’s capital, and for the fifth time in six years, the Washington Capitals will face the New York Rangers in the postseason. Familiar like a rash that won’t go away and gritty like bad deli tuna, the Rangers roll into Verizon Center on Thursday night for Game 1 of this Eastern Conference Quarterfinal. I hope they’re ready for a New York-style slice of first-round exit, extra sauce. Let’s get into it, starting with the key matchups of the series.

KEY MATCHUPS:

The Buddy System: Ovechkin-Backstrom vs. Nash-Stepan

Everybody needs a buddy, and like an eagle practicing scientology, every lethal winger has a tricky center behind him. In this Caps-Rangers matchup, the top Winger-Center pairings to watch are obvious: Alexander “Obestkin” Ovechkin with Nick “Quick Stick” Backstrom, and Rick “Trailer Trash” Nash with Derek “Dude Where’s My Puberty” Stepan.

If we judge this domestic partnership as a center creating assists that a winger converts into goals, this case is open and shut faster than that time you found your parents’ sex tape. You better duck, because I’m firing some ballistic statistics: Of the Centers in question, Nick Backstrom had 40 assists to Stepan’s 26. Both lead their teams in the category. In fact, the Capitals had nearly three players with more assists than Stepan – Ribeiro had 36 and Ovechkin had 24. Looking at the wingers, Ovechkin had a league-leading 32 potstickers to Nash’s team-high 21. Advantage: Soviet Apparatus that Never Falls Into Disrepair.

When we compare the Capitals’ and the Rangers’ top three goal scorers, a wild Fancy Stat appears! The Rangers’ triumvirate of Nash-Stepan-Callahan combined for 42% of the Rangers’ goals this season. The Caps’ top talliers Ovechkin, Brouwer, and Ribeiro accounted for 43% of the Capital’s goals. Both teams rely almost exactly as heavily on their top scorers. Shut them down, and you’ve disabled the Borg.

Prediction: The European duo of Backstrom and Ovechkin outduel the North American tandem of Nash and Stepan like so many math and science test scores.

Good to Goal: Holtby vs. Lundqvist

Both these teams will go exactly as far as their rugged, fair-maned stallions in net will carry them. Both the Capitals’ Braden Holtby and the Rangers’ Henrik Lundqvist have a history of standing on their heads in the playoffs so long they get CTE. Both goaltenders have nearly identical stats this season: Lundqvist notched 24 wins with a .926 save percentage and a 2.05 GAA. Holtby recorded 23 wins, a .920 save percentage and a 2.58 GAA. Lundqvist has the edge, but not by much.

They are also both handsome as all hell.

Holtby has solidified himself as a starting NHL goalie this year, while Lundqvist only further proved himself as one of the best of the best. If the Caps can beat Lundqvist early on, and Holtby can keep easy pucks from squirting through like bronzer through the mesh of a Von Dutch trucker hat, this matchup will go to the good guys from DC.

Prediction: The Caps crack Lundqvist like a leaky Dutch dike.

After the jump, it’s time for everyone’s favorite segment: “Liable to Libel”

LIABLE TO LIBEL: A BAKER’S DOZEN LIES ABOUT THIS ROUND’S OPPONENT

1. Rick Nash moonlights as a professional wrestler under his alter ego, Nick Rash.
2. Girardi and Del Zotto were named for the pizzerias in which they were conceived.
3. Madison Square Garden is so old and outdated that its locker rooms are lit by torch light and penalties are measured by two-minute sun dial.
4. John Tortorella once frowned so hard that his beard ripped into two goatees.
5. Journeyman goon Aaron Asham wasn’t mocking Jay Beagle like a classless sack of crap by pantomiming sleeping after knocking him out in his first NHL fight; he was saying he was tired of no team in the league wanting him.
6. When the Staal brothers have Thanksgiving dinner, more talented brothers Eric and Jordan hold the best drumstick high above Marc’s head and tease, “Sorry, teammates only!”
7. New York fans call their team the “Blue Shirts” because it reminds them who to root for.
8. Henrik Lundqvist nicknamed his 5-hole “Broadway.”
9. The Rangers are the most exciting team in New York…after the Knicks…and Nets…and Islanders…and Jets…and Giants…and Liberty…and Red Bulls…and the PS119 junior varsity swim team.
10. The Rangers traded Marian Gaborik to the Columbus Blue Jackets for Derick Brassard and a calzone to be named later.
11. Rangers fans hope this series ends in four games, because they fear they won’t be able to keep track of numbers much higher.
12. The Rangers say they enjoy the lessened pressure of having so many other pro teams in the city, the same way that a middle child enjoys being loved less.
13. 100% of proceeds from ticket sales at Rangers games go towards funding the most overrated team in the National Hockey League.

So that about does it. Playoff hockey is the best spectacle in sports, and there’s nothing better than watching the Caps play in May. I’ll have my remote control and my bottle of Captain ready for Thursday night. The puck drops at 7:30, and the Stanley Cup is just sixteen wins away. Let’s bring it back to F Street.

“Power (plays) are the ultimate aphrodisiac.”

Those lucky souls outside of the 202 won’t have to deal with the annual White House Correspondents Association Dinner this weekend. Even though Barbra will be there, the smart(er) gay set will be at the Booth on Saturday for the Caps – Bruins tilt. And this being a high-wattage weekend in Powertown, we’ll have our own celeb in tow, a bold face name from these very pages – Matt Skolnikoff, our Habs scribe. Imagine the hate we’re going to rain down on Boston tomorrow.

We’re a DC-based blog, so of course we have our own legal counsel. And of course we have our own pollster, a political #FancyStats guy. He shares a memory from 2009, when he had to juggle both Nerd Prom and a Caps vs. Pens playoff game.

As for the eternal question: WHCD or a hockey game? The answer is both, but never, ever wear a tux to a Caps-Pens game. Here is the back story: In 2009 I gladly gave up my dinner ticket to attend game 5 of the Caps-Pens playoffs.

But I also had sources who were coming to the [REDACTED: Elite media outlet] cocktail party beforehand so I got tuxed up, had a few cocktails at the Hilton (much cheaper than paying for Ted’s vodka), dashed to the DuPont Metro–no time to change into jeans and Caps red t-shirt–took the train to Verizon, and made it to my seats in time to see the puck drop. (I saw a few other tuxes in boxes, BTW.)

But OBVIOUSLY, wearing a tux to a Caps game against the Pens disturbed the hockey karma at the Booth and Tom Poti broke my heart and those of many other Caps fans when he inadvertently tipped the puck from a Malkin centering pass past Varly giving the Pens an OT win. That was a bitter pill.

Let the tongues wag about the WHCD, we’ll be wagging other appendages in Section 402 on Saturday night. IS PARTY NOW!!!)))))  hahahahah!!  so sick!!

The thing is, I  haven’t been engaged. The return of the NHL in middle January was anti-climatic for me. I was ready for the season to start in the fall—I think we all were. But as the lockout kept going, the Winter Classic evaporated and the All-Star game fell, my enthusiasm went with it.

Even going to a Dallas Stars/Chicago Blackhawks game and seeing long-time hockey crush Jaromir Jagr play in person couldn’t quite spur me to get into the NHL. That game should’ve done it too since the game was within the first couple weeks of the season start.

As un-interested as I’ve been, I have paid attention to a few things this season:

The Red Wings: Of course I have to at least keep an eye on my all-time favorite team. However, to say they have not done well this season might be an understatement. As I write this they are fighting for their playoff position–a fight that got harder as they lost to the Flames last Wednesday and Canucks on Saturday (although that got them one point since it was a shootout loss). It’s sad to see this once dominant team struggling to get the eighth spot. Will the Wings get their 22nd consecutive trip to the post-season? I wish I could say “yes” with any kind of confidence, but their performance this season leaves me drowning doubt, especially since there’s no room for error in the final four games of the season over the coming week.

Perhaps the season connects back to Glee after all. The show’s fourth season has been extremely disappointing with very few bright spots… much like the Wings’ season performance.

Pittsburgh Penguins: On the flip side, my other favorite team had a great season. There was a healthy winning streak mid-season. They didn’t collapse when Sid came out of the lineup with the broken jaw. They added Jarome Iginla, another crush of mine, to the roster. These guys had a season that I regret not paying more attention to. If anything is going to get me excited during the post-season it’s the hope that the Penguins will crush the competition.

The Winter Classic: The loss of the Classic this past January was something I thought couldn’t happen. I was sure NBC would send a clear message to the NHL and NHLPA to get it together and make the game happen. All I got was more disappointment. Now it is set up again for the Red Wings and Maple Leafs to go at it in the Big House. I’d planned to go in 2013. I’m still deciding if I’m going to try to put the trip together for ’14.

Realignment: Some of the best news of the season, and I know not everyone likes it, is the realignment for 2013-14. I’m thrilled that Detroit is in the East. It’ll be easier to see games on TV. I’ll potentially see them live far more since they’ll visit New York teams multiple times a season instead of once every two seasons. It’s going to be more difficult to maintain equal standing for me between Detroit and Pittsburgh since they’ll be in the same conference, but that’s a small problem compared to the many advantages of the change.

While I haven’t been enthused by the NHL, there’s been hockey that has made me quite happy over the fall and winter.

University of Alabama’s Frozen Tide: The Tide finished the season second in the South Eastern Collegiate Hockey Conference, losing in the finals to Arkansas. The Frozen Tide also made a return trip to the American Collegiate Hockey Association’s Division 3 National Championship tournament. While they didn’t make it out of the pool play, the Tide did win a game in pool play and that’s better than they did in the 2012 tourney. The season was another huge step in the Tide’s growth to become a dominant hockey force. I’m already looking forward to fall to see what this team does for 2013-14.

Road trip: I made my first trip to an AHL game when I went to You Can Play night at the Bridgeport Sound Tigers. The game was a lot of fun. It was also, of course, inspiring to watch YCP in action during the pre-game talk back and with videos showing on the rink’s big screen before and during the game. Plus, getting to play in the scrimmage that followed was a blast. It was an honor to share the ice with Patrick Burke.

YCP: Speaking of You Can Play, watching them go from their first night at a pro game with the Sound Tigers to the organization receiving the full support of the NHL and NHLPA was incredible. YCP, along with the hockey community, are such a powerful force for equality. It makes me proud to be a hockey fan and hockey player.

Now I’ll spend the next week hoping the Red Wings get it together and psych myself up for some playoff hockey. Maybe the race for the Cup can fully get me back into the NHL fold.

Still firing a coach before the end of a season (hell, before the end of a ROAD TRIP!) smacks of a desperation akin to a TV show bringing in a new character to boost sagging ratings.  In other words, if you have to bring in Chachi (or Poochie), you may have already jumped the shark.

Dwayne’s World

But how did it get this bad for the Lightning? Surely, last season was a suckfest. Steven Stamkos still won the Rocket Richard with a sixty goal season but really I think that’s all that can be said that was positive. Many lay the blame on GM Steve Yzerman’s decision to resign Dwayne Roloson after an impressive playoff run. But Roli proved he wasn’t up to the task for another year and had an abysmal 3.66 GA and .886 save percentage leaving an inconsistent Mattieu Garon to take over – if he wasn’t hurt.

Mattieu Garon

This season (once it finally started after the Dadaist farce that was the lockout with overripe melodrama and intrigue seemingly lifted from a late Tennessee Williams play was supposed to be different. Yzerman addressed the goalie issue by getting Anders Lindback who was working out well until the groin injury and the subsequent high ankle sprain (the high ankle sprain is to goalies what consumption is to soprano heroines in opera – it lingers until they die in Act IV) left us with the ever shaky Garon. 

Stevie Y also brought in more defense (since Mattias Ohlund’s knees are apparently only tissue paper now and he will never skate again) with Matt Carle and Sammy Salo who is considered a ‘stay at home’ defenseman (I really hate that term – it makes it sound like he’s at the blue line ironing and watching “Ellen” while the rest of the team does the work). 

Their job was to assist perennial fan whipping boy Victor Hedman and Eric “Bruiser” Brewer. To be fair, Victor has been improving. Yes, there’s still the odd reverse up the boards to the opposing team, or deflecting the puck into his own net, but he’s also shooting the puck more with four goals on the season. He’s even earned a spot in the shootouts. He’s currently plus six on the season despite the horrendous giveaways he makes usually every three games.

And certainly the Lightning started very well going 6-2. Captain Vinny Lecavalier was playing a more physical game getting into two fights (of course both of those were against the Flyers – which is no surprise – if those thugs had a mascot, it would be a mugshot). Inspirational feel-good story Cory Conacher made the team and was racking up points earning him consideration for Rookie of the Year. Then came the road trip. 

The Lightning have had their road woes in the past but this was truly something special. The only game they didn’t lose on that trip was the Boston game delayed because of huge storm. But once they got home, they still kept losing. It got so bad that our beloved homer announcers Rick Peckham and Bobby “The Chief” Taylor were trying to drum up excitement at one point by announcing that the Lightning were only SEVEN POINTS out of the playoffs. And this is in the Southeast Division (aka ‘The Losing-est Teams in The League’).

Oh right, and then the injuries. Practically everyone was injured once if not multiple times.  Ryan Malone pulled a groin during the pregame soccer game in the hallway. Once back, he injured his shoulder on a check. Vinny was out with his foot (again). Salo got hurt and when he got back, Hedman went out. The rotating roster (which sounds dirty but isn’t) allowed several callups from Syracuse which has gone well, and bodes well for the future of the organization. 

Killer smile

For example: Alex Killorn has seven goals, plays very well, and has a killer smile. Ryan Malone still wins in the adorable smile category since his eyes sparkle and beam. Killorn’s smile is more intense – like maybe he’s thinking about beating you up. A quick digression on groin injuries: Why are there so many? Are there not enough people to massage the thighs of hockey players? I know plenty of people (me) who will gladly volunteer. Oh pardon me, I’ve just been informed that apparently you have to be certified to rub the genital area. Strange, I’ve never had anyone ask me for credentials before.

The biggest offender of the season was really apathetic play. Even Marty St. Louis, normally so energized and dynamic, seemed to be just ‘skating through the motions’ as though awaiting the endgame (not the fun Beckett Endgame). 

Now I don’t have access to the locker room (Please Lightning, let me visit the locker room. I promise I won’t steal any gear), so I won’t pretend I completely understand the team’s mentality, but it seemed as though the players had given up on Coach  Boucher’s system.  But I’m also sure that Boucher wasn’t saying “Make blind passes that lead to giveaways in the defensive zone” which seemed de rigueur for each game.

Yzerman said that he decided to fire Boucher after the first period of the Ottawa game on 3/23. It should be noted that they Lightning did try to come back in that game, but the die was cast. (alia iacta est, bitches) Let’s also note that the Lightning have the best Third Period goal differential in the league.  That may also be because opponents are playing with, oh say a three or four goal lead, and they fall into a stupor and allow the Lightning to score.  Sure, it’s fun to watch the Lightning tie up the game with only seconds left, but you know what else is fun?  Watching your team actually play with the lead, that’s fun.

Coach Boucher, fired before the game in Winnipeg (which they still lost), was a class act all the way.  He wished the organization all the best and even flew back and thanked all the staff for their hard work.  He will be missed for his laser focused ‘Death Stare’ (patent pending) and his non PC mocking of officials. Also, I still long to ask him about his conversations with Scotty Bowman as I’m so curious what those lovers of head games might have discussed. 

To replace a coach who came from the AHL, you obviously find another AHL coach.  Although, it may be more about the fact that new coach Jon Cooper had already coached many of the team when they were on the Syracuse Crunch. He also seems to be more of a ‘player’s coach’ (And what does that mean? Is it like the ‘Player’s Club?’), but I notice that in interviews he still has the ‘deer in headlights’ look.  It can’t be easy to suddenly take over a struggling team filled with people you barely know and come up with some miraculous plan when the team still struggles to get the puck out of their own zone without coughing it up.

Some help has arrived in the form of goalie Ben Bishop. True, the Bolts gave up Cory Conacher and a draft pick, but Bishop has proved pretty solid. He seems focused and calm, reads the play well, and possesses a fairly mean poke check. Plus, he’s a big body who moves well. (Another phrase I hate – if he moved poorly, he wouldn’t be a goalie) Still, in must win situations, the team still comes up short. There are flashes of brilliance: hard work in the corner leading to a goal, brilliant defensive play that looks effortless, but these are few and far between. Mostly, they manage to win games only if the other team loses them first.

Who will show up next season?  Will there be a new coach?  Maybe some buyouts of fan favorites suckling on the salary cap teat? Will the GM be replaced mid-season? There might be more changes in personnel than the new season of Downton Abbey. If only we could get Maggie Smith on skates. P.S. – Follow the adventures of #DowntonHockey.

Eric Pinder is an actor, writer, Director in Residence for Florida Opera Theatre, and performer of various theme park extravaganzas. He is writing a hockey opera currently titled “Das Rinkgold.” You can follow him on Twitter @operahockeyguy. His dad was once punched in the face by Jean Beliveau. Yes, that Jean Beliveau.

When disaster strikes, sporting events can contain a powerful healing element to them, creating a sense of community and togetherness. Perhaps no team knows this better than the Buffalo Sabres.

On September 11, 2001, terrorists crashed hijacked airplanes into the World Trade Center Towers, bringing down both and killing almost 3,000 people. On October 7, the Sabres and Rangers played the very first hockey game in New York City following the attacks.

On February 12, 2009, Continental Airlines Flight 3407 crashed into a residential neighborhood in the Buffalo suburb of Clarence, killing everyone on board and one on the ground. The very next night, the Sabres hosted the San Jose Sharks in an extremely emotional 6-5 shootout win.

And on Monday, two bombs were detonated at the finish line of the Boston Marathon, sending a day that was supposed to be reserved for joy, celebration, and our nation’s very independence into one of chaos, fear, and devastation. Tonight, the Sabres will visit the Bruins in the first sporting event to take place in Boston since.

Like New York after 9/11, or Buffalo after the 3407 disaster, I have no doubt that many who fill the stands at T.D. Garden tonight will have been affected in some way by the Marathon bombings. There will no doubt be an emotional tribute of some sort prior to the game, as we’ve seen done throughout the NHL this week. Both teams are likely to find an extra spark and play hard the entire 60 minutes. The CBS Sports blog Eye On Hockey posted earlier today with some of what to expect at tonight’s game:

“Prior to the National Anthem, a ‘Boston Strong’ themed video will be played on the Garden HDX followed by a moment of silence to honor the victims and the first responders.

The National Anthem will feature TD Garden legend Rene Rancourt and the Boston Fire Department Honor Guard and the Bruins organization will encourage all fans to join in the singing of the Star Spangled Banner.

The Boston Bruins Foundation and 50/50 raffle will be accepting donations throughout the various concourses tonight, which will be donated to One Fund Boston.

There will also be a special “8-Spoked-Salute” honoring the first responders during the second intermission. The “8-Spoked-Salute” takes place at select Bruins home games throughout the season and traditionally honors men and women of the Armed Forces and their contributions and service to our country.”

In addition, both the Bruins and Sabres will display “Boston Strong” decals on their helmets. Boston is a strong, resilient city filled with good, honest, hardworking people who have been dealt an unfair blow. Tonight, whether you wear black and gold or blue and gold, you are our brothers and sisters, our mothers, fathers, children, cousins, and friends. We stand in solidarity and support with all of you who are hurting.

That’s why tonight is bigger than the Battle of the Thruway/MassPike. Tonight is bigger than hockey, bigger than the NHL, bigger than sports, bigger than all of us. Tonight is about giving the players, the coaches, the team staff, the fans, and the entire Greater Boston area a respite from reality, a place to feel together, and a perception of normalcy–if only for a few hours.

Whatever the score at the final buzzer, I hope that everyone will feel their spirits lifted, even if only slightly. From Buffalo to Boston–we’re all in this one together.

Stay strong, Beantown.  With love,  Buffalo.