It doesn’t help that all six games have ended in losses for New Jersey, or that they haven’t looked particularly good in many of the games.  Still, it seems ludicrous to make rash decisions so early in the campaign.  But already, the Devils are going to jettison one of the offseason additions.  That’s right, the Devils are going to change their goal song.  Again.

Over the summer, the Devils retired longtime goal song “Rock and Roll Part Two“, possibly because the song’s performer, Gary Glitter, is a convicted child sex offender, but, more likely because Devils fans had grown accustomed to yelling “YOU SUCK” after the “HEY” chant in the song.  Seriously, anyone who tells you it’s because of Gary Glitter is crazy, because his first conviction for possessing child pornography was in the late 90s.  It’s the “YOU SUCK” and, more recently, the additional inclusion of the “(opposing team’s name) SUCKS.”  Here’s an example:

Some people (rhymes with “Harry Schmettman”) probably didn’t take too kindly to the fan additions.  My sister-in-law was instantly turned off by it at a game we attended in 2011.  However, 3 goals later, she was hollering it as loud as anyone and thirsty for more.  (Thankfully, Richard Bachman and the Dallas Stars were kind enough to oblige.  The Devils won, 6-3.)

In any event, Devils management chose to replace the song with something else this summer, and they chose Jersey’s own Bon Jovi’s “This Is Our House”.  It’s… well it’s not good.

This is a song that brings nothing to the table.  Disjointed rhythms, virtually no instrumentations, and a patter section immediately after the first line of the chorus.  What fan likes this?  Where was the test marketing for this?

So, after one home game, the Devils have already given up.  Fans received an email earlier today asking for goal song suggestions.  Jon Bon Jovi will be kicked to the Mulberry Street curb on his magnificent ass. Soooooooooo…. now that they’ve already hit rock bottom (both as a team and as a goal song), what should the new song be?  Here are my humble suggestions:

Come on!  What’s more emasculating than that for a team giving up a goal?  I can see it now, Elias goes top shelf on Henrik Lundqvist and “Oops I Did It Again!  I played with your heart…”  Who wouldn’t love that?  No?  OK…  What about this:

Isn’t it time the Devils embraced their Dark Master?

OK – this one is a bit more ridiculous, but I actually think it’s probably among the likely finalists, if it’s up to the Internet:

And the fans could even embrace making the ring-ding-a-ding sound.  (No.  No they couldn’t.)

Personally, I’d go for something more uplifting, more classic. like:

People my age will think the Nakatomi Plaza just blew up, younger people will think they just cleared a level in Peggle. And how much fun it will be to see Jersey fans sing “You suck you suck you suck you suck” along with this?!

No matter what song the Devils choose, they were smart as hell to get that email out today.  It gives the fans something to talk about and bitch about instead of paying attention to the steaming pile of excrement that’s currently masquerading as an NHL team.  Hopefully the team’s issues (defensive coverage, a team wide lack of speed) get fixed as expeditiously as this goal song debacle.

One last thing, if they decide to use that horrible Light Em Up song, I am putting the team on notice.  Just the worst song.  Let’s stop celebrating this song, Internet.  It’s the Sharknado of music.

Here’s the Cliff’s Notes.  I have low expectations of a team that missed the playoffs last season, but I’m very optimistic that the Devils will exceed those modest goals, maybe even sneak into the playoffs this season.

My optimism is mostly due to the pieces the Devils were able to add (and a little bit of addition by subtraction for the players who’ve left).

Of the departures, Kovalchuk’s hurts the most.  His sudden decision to retire (to the KHL) robbed the Devils of their most dangerous offensive player, a solid penalty killer, and an ice time hog (Kovy was the only forward in the top 50 TOI leaders last season).  His departure was a selfish, but not indefensible act.  He missed Russia and will make (and keep) more money playing in the KHL than staying a Devil.  It’s tough to blame him for it.  It is easy to hate him for it, though.  (And even easier after his comments supporting the anti-gay legislation in his home country.)

On the other hand, I’m happy to see David Clarkson go.

Clarkie was great for the Devils, but the 7 year $36.75 million dollar contract with the Maple Leafs is way too rich for the Devils (and probably too much for what Clarkson is going to bring).  While Corsi will tell you that Clarkson is a fantastic possession player, the eyeball test speaks differently.  Clarkson scored lots of important goals for the Devils, but often drove fans crazy with his play.  The 10 game suspension he earned before playing a single regular season game is the sort of thing the Leafs fans can look forward to… for seven years.

As for the arrivals, my hope is that Jaromir Jagr, Ryan Clowe, Michael Ryder and the recently signed Damien Brunner can score 85 goals between them.  And it’s fun to finally be able to root for Jagr, who still reps one of the greatest hairdos in all of sport.

No arrival will have a greater impact on the Devils this season (and hopefully for many seasons to come) than the draft day trade that brought Cory Schneider to the Devils.

Schneider gives the Devils a legitimate number one netminder to replace legend Martin Brodeur when his contract expires after this season (and Brodeur presumably retires).  Schneider might be the only goalie in the game for whom replacing surefire Hall of Famer Brodeur will be an easier experience than dealing with the Luongo situation and the media in Vancouver.  Cory’s looked great in the preseason – one can only hope that he keeps this form through the regular season… and then signs a long term extension in the offseason.

Welcome to New Jersey, Cory!  Take us back to the playoffs!

You see, we just wanted to do something. And so, in front of our rural town’s grocery store, we had rented an eight-foot tall high heel, stepping on an oversized pack of cigarettes. These were the Delaware County Ash Kickers, a group I had helped to found, and we were sending a message! We were going to stomp out Big Tobacco! The fact that we had ordered a sneaker, but were delivered a high heel, remained unaddressed. And so there we stood, for hour after hour, handing out pens with our logo emblazoned proudly on them by The Clothing People. The day was long to keep it short.

We were young, middle schoolers. My voice hadn’t yet settled, and through the occasional pops and squeaks, I rattled on about the deception of the tobacco industry, the manipulation of teens by corporate suits, and the targeting of my peers for financial gain.  Poor Judy just wanted to get her milk and eggs, and she had made the mistake of coming in through my entrance.

The Ash Kickers helped develop in us a capacity to care, and to feel. But more than that, it created the feeling that we were able to affect change, to help.

In high school, those Ash Kickers gave way to a statewide program, called Reality Check. I was named the youth voice at then-Governor George Pataki’s tobacco advisory council, representing teens across the state. I was doing big things, and it felt great.

Tobacco was a great place to get my feet wet, so that when I got to college, I was ready to keep doing something.  I was the victim of a hate crime at Seton Hall University in October of my freshman year. I chose to call for a town hall meeting, with the mandated attendance of all resident students, and I asked to speak. There, in front of almost a thousand students, I talked about my experience, about the place where I had grown up. I was unfamiliar with locking my doors at night, or taking the keys out of the car at the store, and had been blindsided by what had happened.

And it was there that I chose to come out to my fellow classmates. Because what had happened to me was bigger than me, it had happened before to students. And if one of us was being targeted, then all of us were being targeted.  This hate crime hadn’t happened because I was a Devils fan, it had happened specifically because I was gay.

Life went on, the Devils won the Stanley Cup that year, more students suffered what I had gone through. I thought I had done something brave that would help others, but it was clear that talking wasn’t enough.  We needed to stand up together. I created an organization called T.R.U.T.H. (Trust, Respect, Unity at The Hall), a group where students could be safe, engage in dialogue about these kinds of issues.

Seton Hall, a private Catholic academic institution, rejected our proposal for club status.  They wouldn’t give us recognition.  And then I sued them.  We took Romeo v. Seton Hall University all the way to the State Supreme Court, and we lost.  But, at least I had done something.  My experience is taught as case law around the country, and although I had lost, I had refused to be quiet.  I left Seton Hall to pursue an education without the distractions of the press, students pointing fingers during lunch, and the like.

Oh, and I got this letter from Harvey Fierstein.

And so now, we can finally flash forward to present day. I’m happy, I’m married, I’m still playing hockey. The Devils aren’t winning quite as much as they used to, but they’re still better than the Rangers, so you take the small victories just as happily as the big ones.

This year has shown momentous and irreversible progress for people like me. Federal marriage benefits, however limited in scope, are a huge validation.  States winning marriage at the ballot box, defeating real-life villains like Maggie Gallagher. It’s a terribly exciting time.

And then, as a hockey fan, an even bigger reason to be excited! A full hockey season, and the Winter Olympics! Even Gary Bettman can’t put a damper on this! I wasn’t sure how to pronounce it, and couldn’t find it on the map, but suddenly I couldn’t get enough of Sochi.  Sochi this, Sochi that, could we name a pet Sochi, can I order Sochi on a menu, is Sochi a good name for a child?

Well, leave it to Russia to take all the fun out of the equation. 

With the passage of Russia’s anti-gay laws (and calling them anything else is inaccurate, truly), a dark cloud now sits over the Olympic Games. I don’t need to go into what the laws say, enough has been written about the flagrant violation of civil rights, marginalization of human dignity, and degradation of spirit that these laws represent and enact.

And I feel, rising again within me, that need to do something. I have seen countless online petitions to move the Games out of Sochi. I haven’t signed them, because I recognize that Putin isn’t logging onto the internet to be swayed by petitions. (Perhaps his AOL CD is out of minutes?)

But I recognize that everyone has their own high heel. People are upset, they’re angry about Sochi, and if they need to stand outside their grocery stores for hours and hand out pens, then I respect and appreciate that. Mocking passion only discourages people from using those voices they’ve earned.

Where does that leave the rest of us? I want to help because I’m an athlete. I want to help because I’m gay. I’m an activist, I want to help. Hell, I want to help because I’m a human with two eyes and a heart.  I just don’t know how.

Flights to Sochi aren’t cheap, and the thought of being locked up in a Russian jail is more terrifying than anything I can imagine.  (Except Insidious 2, that looks scary!)

It breaks my heart that I want to help and just don’t know what I can do to affect change.  And so I’m plucking out words on my Mac, keyboard activism at its finest. Because it makes me feel like I’m at least doing something, even if I’m not doing something.

Hey Mr. Fierstein, want to go cause a scene with me in Russia? I’ve got some extra Romeo goalie jerseys you could wear. Or maybe you’d prefer a heel?

So onto the next bit of business on the NHL calendar (well, outside of the opening of the compliance buyout window). This year’s NHL Entry Draft is in Newark, at Prudential Center, marking the first time the Devils have been the host team for the NHL Draft.

So if you’re headed to Newark to see Calgary ruin the days of three fine young men (they have 3 picks in the first round), the PuckBuddys tasked me to write a quick travelogue for beautiful Newark. It won’t be as extensive as Adam’s fantastic piece about Pittsburgh last year, but I will do what I can…

No matter what Newark Mayor (and NJ Senatorial Candidate and Great American) Cory Booker might say, Newark isn’t in the midst of a renaissance (yet?). CNNMoney says Newark has the third highest robbery rate among the nation’s cities, so travel light and go with a buddy. (A PuckBuddy, if at all possible.)

So let’s start here:

This is Newark Penn Station.  It’s (maybe) a ten minute walk from The Rock, and it’s your ticket out of Newark. Trains run out of this station to all points. NJ Transit trains can take you to explore the majestic northwestern suburbs (home to yours truly, 75 minutes away) or head to Asbury Park (2 hours), or Atlantic City (3 and a half hours). Philadelphia is only 90 minutes away by train, should you want to stop by the Wells Fargo Center and laugh at Paul Holmgren (seriously?  Mark Streit?!).

Most likely, you’ll want to go to New York City (maybe to see if my gum-chewing crush Alain Vigneault is getting settled into his new digs). Getting to NYC is a snap, a PATH train from Newark gets you to the World Trade Center in 25 minutes. You can grab a PATH train (and then change at Journal Square) or take a NJ Transit train to midtown destinations. Remember, it’s Pride Week in NYC. Something fabulous is always going on in NYC, but during Pride Week the glitter factor is ratcheted up a few more notches.  (Cher is performing at the pier dance this year.  C-H-E-R.)

HOWEVER – when you are in Newark, here’s a few places I can recommend for dining experiences within (safe) walking distance of The Rock.

If you like Iberian (Spanish/Portuguese) food, Newark has several excellent places to go.  My personal favorites are Don Pepe’s (homemade sangria is a wonderful thing) and Iberia Peninsula (the patio is excellent for outdoor eating and people watching).

If you’re looking for bar food, we’ve often pre-gamed at MMM Bello’s Pub on Market Street.  Reasonable prices, a really nice beer selection, and food you can imagine pre-lap band Governor Chris Christie eating.  And since they’re not playing the Flyers, you won’t have to put up with this pile of out-of-town drunks.

There are a bunch of options right next to the arena.  The best of these is probably the (fairly new) Dino BBQ, which is located directly next to Championship Plaza.  Pretty much behind The Iron Man’s right skate.

If you wanted to catch a show in Newark, the New Jersey Performing Arts Center (NJPAC) is a stunning venue to see live music and theater. Unfortunately, the only act booked there this week is Gabriel Iglesias. My guess is the Venn Diagram of his fans and PuckBuddys readers has very little overlap. So maybe next time you’re in town you check out NJPAC, okay?

And now to fulfill my contractual obligations as the Devils correspondent, a little something about the home team: The Devils (courtesy of their disappointing season) hold the 9th pick in the draft. They’re woefully thin in the system on forward prospects and this is one of the deepest drafts in years. Normally, the number of impact player prospects peters out around the fifth pick, but this season, I’d say there are at least eight of those types of players. Which makes having the 9th pick a bit unlucky. However, if one of the first 8 teams takes a flyer on someone outside of that elite group, the Devils become the beneficiaries. Those options might be Elias Lindholm, Sean Monahan, or Valeri Nichushkin. All three would be great gets for the Devils.

The scenario (a team in the top 8 taking a flyer) is also the only way I can see the Devils taking a defenseman at 9. If Darnell Nurse (or, far less likely, Seth Jones) were available at 9, Lou might have to make a value-over-need pick. Assuming those things don’t happen, Lou and the Devils should take a scoring winger.  the best one on the board is probably Hunter Shinkaruk. He doesn’t have elite size, but he’s got skill and speed and the ability to finish.  If the Devils want to continue drafting former Rangers player’s kids, Max Domi might be a nice counterpart to last year’s #1 pick, Stefan Matteau.

Have a great time at the draft. The drinks are on me (if my boss allows me to expense them). Enjoy The Rock, be smart on the streets, and Go Devils!!

Picture it, Sicily 1922… Or New Jersey, 1987…

I wasn’t a Devils fan. The New York Islanders were my team. The Isles were created not too long after I was (please don’t do the math) and by the time I began to appreciate ice hockey (1980 was a big ice hockey year for me… and every other American), the Islanders were the best team in the league. It’s pretty easy to root for the local team that’s really good. Plus, my oldest brother was an Islander fan.

He was the only other person in the house who cared about hockey, so it was easy to follow his lead. Also, the Isle’s top center shared my name, even though his parents spelled it wrong. Four straight Stanley Cups validated my choice. Even as the Colorado Rockies were relocating to my fair Garden State I remained a faithful Isles supporter.

My cousin, John, was on board with the Devils pretty much from the get go. I’m not certain what NHL team he rooted for before them. Could have been anyone. I mean, his football team was the Oakland Raiders, so he wasn’t going to like a team just because they were local (obviously, they didn’t have to be very good, either). John’s family and mine lived close to each other (about 20 minutes away), and we’re roughly the same age. We saw each other all the time. John was easily my best friend through high school. So I always kept tabs on his Devils. They were local (scores and news were easy to come by), hockey was quickly becoming our favorite sport, and it did me no real good to root against the Devils (because they sucked).

By the mid-80s, the Islanders dynasty was fading as Gretzky and the Oilers were piling up goals (and Stanley Cups) in Edmonton. And the landscape of the Patrick Division (look it up, youngsters) was changing. John and I saw the writing on the wall – there was a new, rapidly maturing threat to both of our teams. It was you, Lemieux. It was always you. And oh, how we hated Mario Lemieux.

I hated him for his combination of otherworldly talent and ginormous size. John hated him because of those gifts and because he thought the Penguins tanked games during the 1983-84 season to get the first pick ahead of the Devils (they probably did). Lemieux piled up 348 points in his first three NHL seasons. Each highlight reel goal and assist fueled the fires of our hatred.

By the end of the 1986-87 season, John got his driver’s license, and this newfound freedom was a major step in my conversion. We could now, independently, go to hockey games. Sometimes even on school nights! And Devils’ tickets were cheap. We usually got in for five bucks. Not a lot of people were beating down the doors to see that crappy team. These two factors (wheels and anti-Lemieuxness) brought me to accept John’s offer to go to see the Devils and Penguins open the 1987-88 season at Brendan Byrne Arena (look it up, youngsters). It was October 9th, 1987.

There, a fresh-faced, apple-cheeked redhead changed my life. (No, the rest of this story does not take place in an arena bathroom.)  His name was Doug Brown. A winger, he played in four games the previous season, registering one assist, but this year he made the Devils lineup out of training camp. He was a third or fourth line player that season, but he would make his mark that night as a penalty killer. The Devils were shorthanded, and #66 (ihatehimihatehimihatehim) was speeding the puck out of his own zone, no doubt thinking how he would set up some fantastic goal once he reached our zone, but then a funny thing happened. This rookie Brown, this redheaded grinder, dispossessed Lemieux of the puck at the Pens blue line. Just picked his pocket! The nerve! Brown went in alone on Pat Riggin, the Pittsburgh goalie. He made a sick move, maybe five fakes, before depositing a backhand into the net for his first NHL goal.

I’m sure if I watched the tape now, it wasn’t as glorious as I remember. Maybe it was just one deke, then the shot. Maybe it was a forehand. But to us (John, John’s brother Jamie and me), it was a staggering play. For me, it was like magic. We would talk about this play the rest of the night, a night that saw the Devils double up the hated Penguins 6-3. We would recreate the play when we played street hockey, bring it up whenever we saw someone get stripped of the puck (“Remember when Doug Brown did that to Lemieux?” “Yeah – but Brown made Lemieux look so much worse!”).

There may have been subtle signs that my hockey allegiances were sliding towards the red and green of the Devils, but that game, specifically that goal, was a cathartic moment in my life. From that moment on, I was a Devil.

Toronto Pride Hockey Summit. L-R: Brock, Patrick Burke, Scott, Andrew (@manbearpiglpu)

Editors’ note: We got to know Scott earlier this year after his amazing story as an out player surfaced in the Ottawa Citizen. While in high school, he taped a video for 365 days straight telling his story, and as a coda to that remarkable archive, was one he did in March of this year, shortly after the launch of You Can Play. Scott has continued to speak out and has been featured in subsequent newspaper stories, on the CBC, and in a host of blogs. He’s at University of Ottawa and was the first to organize a campus PSA for YCP (extra points because it’s bilingual). Scott has been a gamer since he was a tyke and gives us a review of NHL13. Depending on which way the lockout goes, we might be able to convince him to cover the Senators for us this season, despite the fact that he’s an off-the-hook Devils fan.

Ladies and gentlemen, it appears as though I have been tasked to bring, to your assumingly gay and hockey-loving ears, the voice of a young person talking about that “video game” fad that never did seem to die down. Well, we have come a long way from pong, and so if one were to dive right in to critique the franchise of EA Sports NHL, and go “Gay for Play” without experience, there would be a lot of awkward fumbling about. Have no fear, for I am a battle-tested user of the saga.

My love for the franchise began with NHL 98 when I was five years old; it continued with NHL 2003 when I was ten; and then, after NHL 2005 kept me sane during the last lockout, I have owned each edition since. I have played the game to the point that I have a designated controller where the right stick has been worn down to its plastic bone (apparently my slapshots are a little rough). 

Onto the purpose of this post: an in depth review of the latest instalment to the franchise: NHL13. Let me start by saying this about its immediate predecessor (NHL12): I didn’t like it. The reason it is absent from the photograph above is because I traded it in while I could still get a reasonable fraction of my investment back. Why did it fail? The main improvement it sought to bring to the game, a new physics engine that saw everything on the ice bounce and be contacted with “realism,” felt rushed.

The animations that resulted were sloppy and often comical. A tiny bump into the goalie could send him flying through the air, contorting like an Olympic gymnast (belated thanks to the London games) and crashing onto the ice in the opposite direction from where the momentum appeared to be directing him.

Herein lays the first huge improvement in NHL13: the physics engine has been fixed. It appears what the engine needed was not a complete overhaul, which some fans of the franchise immediately began calling for last year, but another year of development. While the odd blemish does resurface from time to time, the engine is everything I hoped it would be last year.

That being said, “We fixed what we screwed up last year” wasn’t in the campaign about the new features found in NHL13. The new gameplay features are as follows:

1) True Performance Skating
I must admit, I was skeptical when this feature was first announced. A new skating system was not something that I thought the game needed, but upon playing the demo and now the actual game, the realism that it has added to the look and feel of this franchise is astounding. The strides and acceleration of players look and feel authentic.

2) Goalie Animations / Limb Movement
With thousands of new animations, and now complete limb mobility within those animations, goalies look better than they ever have. Each and every year EA Sports makes the goalies look and behave more realistically, and this year is no exception. However, more attention needs to be paid to the goalie animations when playing the puck.

3) Presentation
The game itself has seen new environmental improvements which have silently made the game almost passable as a live broadcast. Snow sprays and sticks to the glass, NHL arenas are now authentic to their own unique stands (rather than generic ones), and the broadcasters recap plays with slightly more realism than before. There was a hiccup with the latter while I was playing, as the announcer went on a rant about how the goalie should have stopped the puck when I scored a goal. The problem was it was an empty-netter. Unless Clint Eastwood’s invisible Obama was in net, I’d say there was an issue there.

There was also a couple of game modes added:

1) GM Connected
A new mode where up to 30 user-controlled teams each with up to full rosters of user-controlled players compete against one another in seasons defined by each league’s commissioner. This sounds like a lockout waiting to happen.

2) NHL Moments Live
In this mode, relive iconic moments from last season, from the history books, or even (I take it they included this option with a great deal of optimism) this season. Let’s be honest, unless their definition is expanded to include the Swedish Elite League, there won’t be any moments to relive from 2012-2013.

While the overall quality of NHL13 is the best this franchise has ever seen, and while the improvement over last year’s title is substantial, there still lacks a practical improvement that, in all honestly, would not be terribly hard to make.

Ever since Be A Pro was introduced in NHL09, I have created my own Pro and battled through many careers. I have played/simmed through at least two or three seasons in each title since. The problem is that each time a new game comes out, I have to start all over. There needs to be some form of carryover from one game to the next. Obviously keeping statistics/etc. would be a nightmare, so all I would ask is to transfer over my player’s current age, position, overall rating, and team. Bring the statistics back to zero, but don’t make me start all over again with a player that can’t shoot straight (insert generic Leaf-bashing comment here).

To summarize:

The final score: 87.5%   (35/40)
Improvement over last title:  (7/10)
Gameplay Engine:   (9/10)
Graphics/Presentation:  (10/10)
Replay Value:    (9/10)

That is all for the first annual instalment of “Gay for Play.” Until next time, always remember: it’s only gay if the pucks touch.

Mostly the Playoffs. In honor of Ms. Murphy’s joining Mr. Sondheim’s most mainstream musical, I will be doing an Into The Woods-themed post!

THIS IS THE WORLD I MEANT, COULDN’T YOU LISTEN?

Looking back at the regular season, who would have guessed how things would turn out for the Devils, finishing up as the 6th seed in the Eastern Conference.  Wait…..  I did! So I’ve got that going for me.

Zach Parise

I predicted then that Kovalchuk and Parise would need to combine for 75 goals.  They scored 68, and Kovy played a more complete game than fans thought possible; he played in all situations (even PK!), tallied 23 more points in 4 fewer games, and went from a -26 to a -9 (+2 after the All Star Break).  

Parise bounced back from last season’s injury with a solid 69 point campaign (and, to his credit, a surprising lack of drama about his impending free agency).

NO ONE IS ALONE

David Clarkson

The Devils’ two superstar wingers certainly were helped by enormous contributions up and down the squad.  Rookie Adam Henrique forced himself into the lineup with Travis Zajac out and put himself in the Calder Trophy conversation with a 51 point season. David Clarkson surpassed anyone’s expectations with a 30 goal season (and a nice commercial for a local hockey store that shows Clarkie can fill out a pair of jeans).

Some contributions came from familiar places – Patrik Elias was 2nd (and 10th in the league) with 78 points. As good as Kovy and Parise were, Elias was the team’s most consistent player. I love Elias so much that I just ordered a Volchenkov jersey, knowing that Patrik won’t be jealous. No shirt would be enough to symbolize my devotion, P.

Patrik Elias

Mark Fayne

The defensive corps didn’t put up many points this season, but they got better as the season progressed.  Bryce Salvador returned from the concussion that kept him out all last season and played smart, solid defense for the full 82 games.  Mark Fayne followed up his strong rookie season by playing like a veteran – the point totals were meager (17 points), but he was one of the Devils’ most reliable players.  Volchenkov scored two more goals than he did in his first season as a Devil (which is to say, he scored two goals).  For the money he’s being paid, Volchy needs to be a difference maker in the defensive zone, maybe we’ll see his physical play ramp up in the playoffs.  When healthy (only 59 games), Andy Greene was his normal solid self.

IT TAKES TWO

Alex Ponikarovsky

GM Lou Lamoriello made two critical midseason additions.  Seeing that the Devils third and fourth lines struggling, Lou traded for veteran winger Alex Ponikarovsky from the Hurricanes.  Poni helped turn the third line into a strength, coming up with 7G 11A +9 in his 33 games as a Devil.  Just before the trade deadline, Lou was able to unload the previously-acquired black hole of power play time, Kurtis Foster, on the Wild in exchange for their in-the-doghouse D Marek Zidlicky.  Zidlicky had a rough start, but soon established himself as a PP quarterback and all-situations player, with 8 points in 22 games.

NO KNOT UNTIES ITSELF (IT REQUIRES A SHOOTOUT)

No team took better advantage of the NHL’s overtime/shootout rules than the Devils, who won 16 games after regulation, including 12 shootout wins.  Sadly for the Devils (as no real fan would ever complain about overtime hockey in the playoffs), those numbers won’t create any tangible advantage from here on out.  I could go on and on looking back on this season but…

THE TIME HAS COME FOR A FESTIVAL!

Playoff hockey returns to New Jersey after a one-year absence.  Here are some things I’ll be watching…

MANTICORE?  IMAGINARY!  GRYPHON?  EXTINCT!

Panthers… Very very possible.  The Devils first round opponents are the Southeast Division winners and third seed in the Eastern Conference.  The Devils are widely considered to be the favorites in this series, finishing with a better record, and were 7-2-1 in their last 10 games heading into the playoffs, while the Panthers stumbled into the playoffs at 2-3-5.

ALL THREE WERE BEAUTIFUL OF FACE, BUT VILE AND BLACK OF HEART

The Devils defense will be most concerned about the Panthers’ top line of Tomas Fleischmann, Stephen Weiss, and Kris Versteeg.  The Panthers place the bulk of their scoring burden on these three, who all had over 50 points (no other forward had more than 32).  The Devils have had problems keeping those three in check during the regular season, and if they are unable to keep them from scoring 2-3 goals/game, it will make this series much tougher on the Devils.  Blueliners Brian Campbell (53 points) and Jason Garrison (16 goals) will also need to be accounted for when the Panthers have the puck.

THINK OF THOSE CRISP, AGING BONES

Marty Brodeur

There’s no way around this.  Martin Brodeur is old.  (As NHL Goalies go, he’s old.  If he were a gay hockey blogger, he’d be in his prime…)  Given his age, Coach DeBoer did a great job managing Marty’s workload, and he’s playing his best hockey as we head into the playoffs (if you ignore the howler he let in vs. Ottawa).  The Panthers will counter with… someone.  

As of this writing, neither Jose Theodore or former Devil Scott Clemmensen has been named the starter for the playoffs.  Neither has a resume that suggest they’ll outplay Brodeur, but it’s the playoffs.  Anything can happen.

AGONY, MISERY, WOE

Anton Volchenkov

The Devils’ top defenseman from last year, Henrik Tallinder, will likely miss the playoffs with a blood clot in his leg that kept him out of the last 37 games of the season.  C Jacob Josefson will miss roughly five more weeks with a broken wrist  – a shame as the second-year player was playing his best hockey when he got injured.  Anton Volchenkov (can’t wait to wear my new jersey!) and Clarkson, who both missed the last game of the regular season, will be ready to go when the puck drops Friday night.

THERE ARE BIG, TALL, TERRIBLE GIANTS IN THE SKY

Devils’ enforcers Eric Boulton and Cam Janssen (combined 0G 1A) on the season will, barring injury or a drastic change in tactics, watch the playoffs from the press box as healthy scratches.  It appears rookie D Adam Larsson will also be benched in favor of the slightly-more experienced Peter Harrold.

WE NEED FOUR, WE HAVE NONE*

It’s time to lace up the skates and get four wins!  I don’t give the Panthers much of a chance in this series – Devils have more offense and a better defense.  Their power play is much improved since the Zidlicky acquisition and the penalty kill unit set a post-expansion mark for stinginess (89.6%).  So long as they can keep the Panthers’ top line from being super-productive, this series should be over quickly, Devils in five.

*yes, I know the line is “We had none”.  Back off.  One last thing…

STAY WITH ME… STAY AT HOME…

Seriously, Zach – re-sign with the Devils.

I’ve been a bit crankier than normal these first few weeks of 2012. I hit the holiday party scene pretty hard – too much food with the family, immediately followed by too much drink to get over spending so much time with the family. I’ve been doing the diet thing , check out the phen375 review here. Jennifer Hudson and me – we’re counting points, y’all! I Believe!

A dieting Brian isn’t always a sane or kind Brian, so perhaps I was hasty when I wrote a really long post (still unpublished) saying the Devils were going nowhere this season and that Parise wasn’t going to re-sign so Lou should trade him now.

Meanwhile, in Newark, something has been brewing since the All-Star Break. The Devils are 4-0 with all the wins coming against current playoff teams (and Montreal.  Sorry, @mattsko, I don’t know how I could mistake the Habs for a playoff team).

Leading the second-half charge has been Ilya Kovalchuk, which gives the PB boys a reason to run the odd Kovy pillow fetish pic (though I wish they’d show the one which flashes his hairy legs and a one helluva calf muscle). During the four-game winning streak, Kovalchuk has 10 points (3G, 7A) and the winning shootout goal in the Rangers game.  

There have been times in his career when people (fans usually) have questioned Ilya’s passion for the game. 

I’ve heard Devil fans say that he’s only concerned about his own offense and that he’d never fit in with the Devils’ philosophy. I say those people aren’t paying attention to the games.

Kovy’s game has changed this season; there have been fewer blind passes, fewer 1-on-5 plays, and it’s led to fewer bad turnovers and more goals. He’s worked so hard on his defense that he’s taking regular shifts on the PK; this weekend he notched his third shorthanded goal of the season (he only had three in his career before this season).

He’s playing with incredible passion – check out this clip of him tying Tuesday’s Ranger game.  Catch his post-goal reaction – Rich Chere tweeted that he was swearing in Russian. This is a guy who wants to win, especially against the Rangers.

More proof?  Check out Saturday’s game.  Kovy puts up a Gordie Howe hat trick (a goal, an assist, and a fight). The fight came as a response to Zach Parise receiving a cheap slew-foot by the Flyers’ Zac Rinaldo (who was fined by the league for his treachery). Kovy went after Rinaldo, who refused to engage. Brayden Schenn stepped in for his gutless teammate to fight Kovy, and this is what happened. I could watch that all day. Here’s a longer cut of it, if you want to hear Chico Resch compare Kovy’s legs to a powerlifter’s.

Lastly, I offer a moment from Sunday’s game.  The Devils took a 2-0 lead on the Penguins when Kovy returned a pass to Anton Volchenkov, who slid the puck into an empty net for his first goal as a Devil (and first in a Gomez-ian 104 games). There’s no good video of it (I saw it during a between-period interview) but Kovy’s overjoyed for Volchenkov; he made sure he rescued the puck for his teammate and had a giant smile on his face.

So, even though I don’t think these Devils are Cup contenders, and that I’d totally trade Parise and Bryce Salvador for Jonathan Bernier, Sasha Voinov and a #1 pick, I’m giving Kovy, Parise, Elias and the Devils a couple more weeks to win me all the way over. I’d like nothing more than to eat my words. After all, words are zero points.

Follow Brian on Twitter, zero points but major satisfaction: @trot71

“In any given NHL season, there are anywhere from four to ten teams with a legitimate shot at winning the Stanley Cup.

After 47 games, I’m fairly certain the New Jersey Devils (as currently constructed) are not one of those teams.

It’s likely they’ll make the playoffs, but I don’t see them making any kind of charge at the fourth Cup in franchise history.  “Why”, you ask.

They can’t beat good teams.  As noted hockey fan Theodor Geisel once said, “They can’t beat them at home, they can’t beat them in Nome. Their field service management is inadequate on the ice.  They can’t beat them on the road, they can’t beat them with a toad.”  (Really.  He said it to me at a Rangers-Leafs game a while back.)

Alexei Ponikarovsky

The trade for Alexei Ponikarovsky makes it seem like the Devils consider themselves contenders, which seems desperate – which isn’t surprising, when you consider the financial struggles (here’s a nice synopsis) and their strong desire to retain Zach Parise, who maintains that his primary requirement for his next contract is to play for a team that will compete for the Stanley Cup. 

It’s important that they put up a good front, but the proof is going to be on the ice and I just don’t think they have the team to make any kind of playoff run. “Why”, you ask again.  (Seriously, you’re like a 5 year old with all the “Whys”). Here’s why, ya rotten kid.

The Goaltending ain’t good enough.  Brodeur (2.84 GAA/.893 SV%) simply isn’t playing at an “elite” level (or even a “good enough” level) to lead a team through the playoffs.  No way, no how.  And Hedberg’s been good (2.45/.909), but he’s probably not the answer here, either. The Devils are not a good 5-on-5 team.  According to behindthenet.ca, the Devils are the 5th worst team in the league at full strength.  The four teams below them?  The Oilers, Sabres, Blue Jackets and (sorry Vinny) Islanders – not exactly playoff teams.  This might not be so bad, except… The Devils are downright awful when they have the man advantage.

Adam Oates

So awful that behindthenet says that if the Devils were 5-on-4 for an entire 60 minutes, they would only outscore their opponents by 1.9 goals (Vancouver, by comparison, would outscore their opponents by 7.6 goals).  They’ve managed to cut down on the shorthanded goals against recently, now it’s time to score more PPG.  There’s too much offensive talent on this roster for this power play to be so bad.  Some have repeatedly called for Adam Oates to be relieved of his PP coaching duties (cough, cough, ILWT, cough) and it’s hard to argue with them.

Zach Parise

Hopefully, the Devils will continue beating on the weaker teams and make the playoffs.  Considering their financial status, the bonus money (tickets , concessions, etc.) provided by two (or, fingers crossed, more than two) home playoff games would mean a lot to the franchise.

The Devils continue their longest home stand of the season (6 games, they’re 1-3 so far) with a shoot out loss against the Sabres Tuesday, ugh.  If you’re local, you should get to The Rock –  these may be the last chances to see Zach Parise in a red and black sweater.”

Brian looks good in any color sweater so follow him on twitter: @trot71

Ohai Caps fans! Coinciding with Coach Hunter’s latest round of mind-boggling line changes, we’re changing up things today on the pregamer, too.  No, Doug hasn’t been sent down to Hershey with the other famous Caps redhead, Cody “Swoon” Eakin, but he’s taking a short break from cranking out his inimitable prose, obscure cultural references (he’s still working on Cy Twombly), and his proselytizing on behalf of the radical gay agenda.

Actually, he’s wrapping up the last of his community service obligations that resulted from his conviction in that 2011 World Juniors point-shaving scandal. And truth be told, he was also the one who bought all that liquor for those Russian kids. But luckily for all involved, including international aviation authorities, the team behaved responsibly on that flight home after their big win. In fact, we just heard from a few of our old pals on last year’s Russian team – and even they were appalled by Alec Baldwin’s airline antics last week.

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