A question we get a lot here is “What’s it like to be a gay hockey fan?”
We’re never quite sure what people expect the answer to be. Are they curious if it’s hard, if we feel ostracized or just not quite the same as everyone else, if we just don’t fit in? We rarely have a snappy answer at the ready.
From now on, however, I think I’ll just refer them to the 2016 DC Pride Parade. I’ll tell them how everyone – absolutely everyone – associated with the Washington Capitals were on hand, smiling and joking and looking so damn happy to be there. I’ll tell them how the thousands – tens of thousands easily – in the crowds were screaming the heads off, yelling and clapping and high-fiving those of us in the parade. How Braden and Brandi Holtby were tirelessly working the sideline, shaking hands, stopping for selfies, and hugging countless Caps fans. In 95 degree heat, no less.
I’ll tell them how everyone there – Wes, the Rockers, management types, You Can Play reps, and especially poor Slapshot in what must have been a suffocating costume, marched in a surprisingly tiring parade and never complained once. Far from it: they were there for Caps fans and non-fans alike, throwing beads and slapping hands with Washingtonians anywhere on the spectrum of sexuality.
And I’ll tell them how overwhelming it all was, to be stuck somewhere in the middle, walking with a rainbow-taped hockey stick with a Caps flag attached that the wind would pick up and fly proudly, sending the attendees into peals of “C-A-P-S, CAPS! CAPS! CAPS!”, just the same as any game at Verizon. Don’t take our word for it; just check out the pictures below.
Or, when asked “What’s it like to be a gay hockey fan?”, I can say “Exactly what it’s like to be a hockey fan.”
]]>Today’s announcement that the National Hockey League and NHLPA will begin building inclusive policies and practices for LGBT players, coaches and fans puts the league squarely at the head of the line. Much credit goes to Commissioner Bettman, the players and top management across the league, and “You Can Play” founder Patrick Burke, who has so ably continued the pioneering path first blazed by his late brother Brendan.
Being first often can’t be easy. Just ask Willie O’Ree. There’s no place to hide when you’re the first one in line.
But not hiding is so much of what being first is about, and what today’s announcement means for players and fans of the great game of hockey.There always have been, and always will be, players and coaches and equipment managers and owners and fans of the game who are LGBT. We’re already here. The only change is that, hopefully, everyone connected to the sport can feel respected for who they are. The only agenda being pushed is a call to treat those around you with decency, as human beings should.
Patrick Burke likes to say that so much of this is really just about eliminating five or so words. You can still call your opponent an asshole; just don’t call him a fag. That goes for those on and off the ice. Seems like a fairly simply request.
Today is a big day, but rest assured, it is just the start. Sure as the sun’s rising, other major sporting leagues will join suit, in time. Athletes and owners will continue to come out in greater numbers. Those in the stands using homophobic slurs already are increasingly being shunned or shamed.
Change comes in fits and starts. There will be setbacks. But overall, to paraphrase another man at the head of another line, the arc of history generally bends toward justice.
Who ever you are, whatever your team, today is a great day to be a proud hockey fan.
The full text of the NHL statement follows:
NATIONAL HOCKEY LEAGUE, NHL PLAYERS’ ASSOCIATION ANNOUNCE PARTNERSHIP WITH YOU CAN PLAY
NEW YORK/TORONTO (April 11, 2013) – The National Hockey League Players’ Association and the National Hockey League today announced an historic partnership with the You Can Play Project that formalizes and advances their long-standing commitment to make the NHL the most inclusive professional sports league in the world.
“The NHL sets the standard for professional sports when it comes to LGBT outreach and we are incredibly grateful for their help and support,” said Philadelphia Flyers scout Patrick Burke, the founder of the You Can Play Project, an advocacy organization that fights homophobia in sports. “We will work with League and NHLPA officials, teams and players to ensure that we create a more inclusive hockey community at all levels.”
Said NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman: “Our motto is ‘Hockey Is For Everyone,’ and our partnership with You Can Play certifies that position in a clear and unequivocal way. While we believe that our actions in the past have shown our support for the LGBT community, we are delighted to reaffirm through this joint venture with the NHL Players’ Association that the official policy of the NHL is one of inclusion on the ice, in our locker rooms and in the stands.”
“NHL players have supported the You Can Play Project since its inception, which we are pleased to formalize and expand upon with today’s announcement,” said Don Fehr, NHLPA Executive Director. “The players believe our partnership with the NHL and You Can Play will foster an inclusive hockey environment from the grassroots level to the professional ranks.”
The official partnership with You Can Play includes a significant commitment to education and training for teams, players, media and fans plus the production and broadcast of more public service announcements.
“As NHL players, we all strive to contribute towards helping our teams achieve success on the ice. Any player who can help in those efforts should be welcomed as a teammate,” said Ron Hainsey, Winnipeg Jets defenseman and NHLPA Executive Board member. “This partnership solidifies the message that the hockey community believes in fairness and equality for everyone.”
You Can Play will conduct seminars at the NHL’s rookie symposium to educate young prospects on LGBT issues. In addition, You Can Play will make its resources and personnel available to each individual team as desired.
The NHLPA and NHL also will work with You Can Play to integrate the project into their Behavioral Health Program, enabling players to confidentially seek counseling or simply ask questions regarding matters of sexual orientation.
The You Can Play Project, founded by Philadelphia Flyers scout Patrick Burke, celebrated its one year anniversary on March 4, 2013. From its inception, it has had tremendous support from the hockey community and beyond. NHL players Tommy Wingels and Andy Miele, and former NHL General Manager Brian Burke all serve on You Can Play’s Advisory Board. Over 100 professional hockey players have voiced their support for gay teammates and have been joined by athletes from numerous sports representing approximately 20 NCAA organizations.
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]]>We were privy to the launch of You Can Play ahead of their March 2012 rollout, and in confidence, we clued Nick in on that as well, thinking that since the effort was to benefit players like him, it made sense. While he was spilling other secrets last spring, he held the YCP one close.
Fast forward to this Friday, January 18, in his home town of Minneapolis, Nick joins YCP co-founder, Patrick Burke and other gay athletes at a conference sponsored by PFLAG Twin Cities. On a panel moderated by Burke, Nick will be joined at the “Invisible Athlete Forum” by Esera Tuaolo, former NFL player for the Minnesota Vikings and Green Bay Packers, and author of “Along in the Trenches: My Life as a Gay Man in the NFL, and Becca Lindquist, former NCAA, PAC 10 and PAC 12 champion rower at UC-Berkeley and UC-Davis, and co-founder of the Cal Student Athlete Gay-Straight Alliance (SAGSA).
While Nick helped us capture much of the emotion of his senior address in our last chapter on him, the video of his presentation is worth a watch. He speaks about how his friends, family and faith sustained him during challenging times; his teammates too. Nick is now a college freshman in New England and is studying business. He’s playing club hockey, and we thought this post would be a coda, but maybe there are more chapters to come. As part of his homecoming, Nick told his story to KFAI radio Thursday evening. Listen to the stream here (at the 18 minute mark).
]]>There is a single undeniable element of Burke’s legacy, one borne from love, that trumps any stat, banner or award. Brian Burke manned the barricades both before and after the loss of his son. Chapters of this legacy will be written for years to come, no matter what day job he ends up with, at another team or the NHL.
We owe a personal debt of gratitude to Brian Burke. There would’ve been a silly gay hockey blog no matter what, but through his and Patrick’s hard work we feel this enterprise is a part of something bigger – something that touches and improves lives.
We also love any guy that swears like a Prussian artillery officer.
We asked a few pals to share some thought on Burke’s contributions, not on the ice but to the history books. We’ll add more submissions as they come in. Feel free to add any thoughts in the comments below. #TeamBurke4Ever
@OperaHockeyGuy (Bolts Correspondent, bass-baritone )
I never liked Brian Burke. That is until his son Brendan came out. I read the statements of support and genuine love that he had for his son and I was genuinely touched that this man with a gruff Archie Bunker exterior, this ‘man’s man’ as the old timers say (But why? It’s so icky sounding), would immediately say “This doesn’t change a thing.” Brian Burke exudes that working class tough guy demeanor. I mean, look at him. He looks ready for a road company of Glengarry Glen Ross. It proved that “family values” isn’t just some hollow slogan or rallying cry against homosexuality, but an actual concept about standing up for who you are and what you believe is right.
That’s one of the reasons I was so disheartened to see so many homophobic, vitriolic, and let’s face it, childish comments on Twitter upon his firing. ( I was looking for another adjective ending in ‘ic’, but in honor of Burkie’s no-nonsense attitude, I decided against making too “cute” a play) Some even made a comment about how all his work for charities and the LGBT cause meant nothing. But again, we all know that’s not true. I hear commentators always discussing conduct ‘on and off the ice’ with players and that’s no different with coaches, owners or GMs.
When Brian Burke marched in the Toronto Pride Parade, I, who have occasionally been accused of not having an emotional soul, wept just looking at the photos. Had I actually been there, it would’ve been the ugly cry. He marched even without Brendan which was must have been tough for him, but throughout it he maintained his default look that to me always reads “I need more Mylanta”. I’m sure he’ll end up with some other team I despise (after his stint as ‘consultant’), but I will always have enormous respect and admiration for him for being such a fantastic and important ally to our community.
@WideRights (Staff Counsel for Columbus Blue Jackets)
After Brendan Burke died, I wrote in my blog, “Personally, it is the most I’ve ever been affected by the passing of someone I did not know.” His story captivated me, because in many respects, I related to him. Close to the same age. In college in Ohio. Sports loving. Gay. I never felt as courageous as him and never had to be out in such a national, public way. I respected him so much for that and hoped, so much, to see how it would affect “the cause”. Unfortunately, the script changed far too quickly. Brendan tragic passing changed the course of the influence. It could have completely stifled it, and you know what, nobody would have blamed Brian or any of the Burkes.
That they have fully embraced the effort, even as painful of a reminder as it may be, is a testament to the strength and commitment of that family. And, naturally, much of that had to have been instilled by Brian. From the pride parades to interviews to speaking out against bullying to You Can Play, the impact that Brian and the Burkes have had is immeasurable. Just as I cannot truly and fully empathize with their loss, and no number or choice of words could capture such emotion, they too will never be able to truly understand our appreciation for the work they have done and continue to do. I hope one day to meet Mr. Burke to shake his head and thank him.
@peltzerjm (Flyers Correspondent)
The business of sports is tough. Players, coaches, front office folk all come and go, but few make such great impacts outside of their organization like Brian Burke (Ed Snyder comes to mind in Philadelphia for his commitment to youth development). When Brendan Burke came out, Brian became a very public example of a sports celebrity working through the issue of being a prominent figure in a traditionally masculine arena with a gay son. His acceptance is something that should be admired and replicated, however, and should continue to serve as an example of tolerance and acceptance wherever he may land in the NHL.
@freezingkiwi (PuckBuddys in-house counsel / wartime consigliere)
As a non-Leafs fan living in Toronto, Brian Burke’s record with the Leafs didn’t bother me too much. Sure, a lot of my friends are morose as the Leafs missed the playoffs for yet another year but hey, it’s not like it was any better under JFJ or Cliff Fletcher.
So my lasting memory of Burke’s time with the Leafs won’t be related to the hockey teams he put on the ice at the ACC. Instead, it will be Pride weekend in 2011, shortly after I’d moved back to Toronto. The day of the Pride parade was obscenely hot, with blazing sun. Many of the parade participants, quite sensibly, were wearing little more than sparkly gold hot pants. The biggest cheers of the day, though, weren’t for the scantily-clad go-go dancers gyrating to Born this Way, or for the absolutely fabulous drag queens. No, they were for the grey-haired man marching with PFLAG, wearing a Leafs jersey with “Brendan” on the back.
Why is this important? At least in the group I attended with, I was pretty much the only guy who’d been to an NHL game. My boyfriend leaves the room whenever I change the channel to TSN. While obviously there are plenty of LGBT people who love hockey (hey, that’s what Puckbuddys is about!), it hasn’t struck me as something that the gay community as a whole in Toronto is massively enthusiastic about. Yet everybody knew who Burke was. Everybody knew why he was marching. And everyone appreciated it. Some things transcend whether or not you give a crap about the Leafs, or hockey, or sports in general.
The symbolism of the GM of one of the most iconic institutions in the city reaching out to the LGBT community was incredibly powerful. But Burke didn’t stop at symbolism. By helping found You Can Play, he’s actively improving life for gay athletes everywhere. I’ll be sad to see him go.
@GlobalJesus (News Producer, Global TV and great guy)
He’s the stereotypical hockey guy – tough, brash, and highly opinionated. Yet when you peel back those layers, you find a grieving father who did whatever he could to keep the legacy of his son’s life alive. What Brian Burke did for both the LGBT and Hockey community is nothing short of amazing.
Brian stood up against bully’s and anyone else who made life difficult for gay players or youth. He inspired gay kids to be proud of who they are and to have no fear in lacing up the skates. He inspired parents to put aside their discomfort in order to learn, love and accept their kids unconditionally. Afterall, if a guy like Brian Burke can love and support a gay son – why can’t everyone else?
So while he may not have led a long awaited Stanley Cup parade down Younge Street, he did lead a Pride Parade – and to some, that’s even bigger than Lord Stanley’s Cup.
“Jason” (A gay pro player in Europe)
]]>I really can’t put into words the thoughts and emotions that run through my head every time I hear that name. I have been sitting here at my computer, trying to write about my personal opinions of Brian Burke, for well over a half hour now, and this is as far as I have gotten. Not because I have a wide range of thoughts about him, but because every time I try to type something out, it just seems like it doesn’t do him justice.
I love Brian Burke. I love Brian Burke in the way that a Pee-Wee center from Chicago loves Jonathan Toews, or a young goalie from New Jersey loves Martin Brodeur – I idolize the man, for all the great things he has done for the game of hockey, both in and out of his GM’s office. Also, his work on the 2010 United States Olympic team was nothing short of legendary.
I’ve always respected Burke for his work as an elite General Manager, partly because he is a fellow American, but also because I applaud his no-nonsense approach to the job. He is one of the few General Managers who doesn’t allow outside pressure affect his decisions, and each year he does whatever it takes to try and win the Stanley Cup. Any fan of his teams has to appreciate his ambition. He is a competitor, and looks at each day as a new opportunity to make his team better.
But after learning about Burke teaming up with his son Patrick to establish the You Can Play Project, my respect and admiration for him grew exponentially. Here was the General Manager of the Toronto Maple Leafs, arguably the most famous hockey franchise in the world, becoming an outspoken advocate for equal opportunities for gay athletes. I never imagined in a thousand years that I would see the day something as incredible as this movement would become a reality.
So as you can imagine, I was extremely disappointed to discover that the Toronto Maple Leafs decided to relieve Burke of his General Manager duties. I am in no way a Toronto Maple Leafs fan, but I would have liked to see if this year’s Burke-created team could have taken advantage of the shortened season to make a run at the playoffs. Burke is a proven winner in every aspect of the word, and I personally feel he deserved a chance to let this season play out.
In no way is this the last time we will see Burke in a General Manager’s role, but I believe he has already cemented himself an incredible legacy that no other NHL executive could ever match. He owns a Stanley Cup ring, an Olympic silver medal, and proudly bears the responsibility of pioneering a new era of professional sports, where gay athletes can be free to play the sports they love at the highest possible level. To me, Brian Burke is so much more than an elite NHL executive: he’s a hero.
I know there is probably a lot of confusion. Why did you consider yourself gay for so long? Why not just come out as trans at first? Well, for the longest time I sincerely did believe that I was a gay man. I was woefully unaware of the true spectrum of human sexuality and gender identity. I had no idea until I was in college that the feelings I always had were not exclusive to me. I didn’t know that being transgender was even possible. So I lived my life as if I were gay, because it was the closest I thought I could ever get to expressing the true me. I knew I was attracted to men, I knew that my true self was extremely feminine, and I knew that some gay men wear women’s clothes, and have feminine tendencies. I didn’t know that being a female trapped in a man’s body was a real thing. I was very naive.
In college I met a transgendered girl at a bar and we had a very in-depth conversation about it. I learned so much from her. It was that conversation that opened my eyes to who I truly am. The next day I made an appointment with the counseling center at my college to talk about it. Over the next four years I went to two counseling sessions a week, and saw the school psychologist. They helped me get to the deepest parts of me, the parts I repressed because I thought I was wrong. Now I embrace everything I repressed. Not in front of my coworkers, friends, and family, but anonymously on the internet, and with people I have met through Twitter. It’s a step in the right direction, and once I can escape the homophobic and transphobic biological family of which I am a part, my true self will be the only thing people see. I will throw out the character I had to develop to hide myself from the world.
I know it sounds pathetic, but I honestly did meet so many great people on Twitter who I honestly do consider my best friends, my family. I wasn’t born into a tolerant or accepting family, and I don’t have a safe and welcoming environment to escape to other than the internet. At least not anymore. In college, and when I lived out-of-state, I lived my life the way I felt was right. I let my true self shine, and I was met with some hostility, but tons of love and acceptance.
Now that my financial troubles have led me back to my parents’ house, I have to hide again. I planned on starting hormones this year, but I can’t. Not only because I cannot afford them, but because I would be homeless even if I could. I don’t want this to be a pity post, because I know that my troubles are nothing compared to other people’s around the world. I am thankful I have roof over my head, health, and food to eat every night. The challenges I face now will only make me a stronger woman.
Being trans, but not yet on hormones comes with it’s own set of problems, though. Some trans girls say I can’t be trans until I start hormones. Others say that going out dressed in men’s clothes means I can’t be trans. But in my heart I know that I am a woman. Sometimes I feel like other trans girls forget what it was like to play that waiting game. To see day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year pass without starting hormones, without dressing, without being the girl they know they are.
I’m here to let you all know that despite my physical appearance, despite my public wardrobe, I am a woman. Eventually my physical body will reflect who I am inside. Until then, I will work hard to get where I need to be, overcome any obstacle that comes my way, and dream of the day when I will be Alyssa for the rest of my life.
Now, being a trans girl and deeply involved in hockey means I face yet another set of challenges. I’m not talking about being labeled a “puck bunny” or anything, because frankly, I don’t care if you call me that or not. I don’t find it offensive. But because the trans community is often forgotten, I feel, when it comes to sports advocacy. There are few female-to-male (ftm) athletes fighting for acceptance and tolerance in sports, and even fewer (if any at all), male-to-female (mtf) advocates. However, Patrick Burke from You Can Play has reached out to me to offer his support and encouragement. It means the world to me that he would do this for me and other trans girls who are involved in sports.
I know that being a trans girl in hockey will mean I will probably have few options when it comes to playing. The dressing room issue seems to divide a lot of people, and few rinks can accommodate a third room if the women have an issue with me in their dressing room. I’ve made my peace with that, and I’m ready to give up playing and coaching when the time comes. I will miss it dearly, as it helped develop the never-ending love I have for the game. Whether I have to quit because of the expense, the pain from transitioning, or because of my limited options, I know that I will always have hockey in my life. My love for the game will not fade away simply because I won’t play anymore; it will just be re-focused into my love and support for my favorite teams and players.
But more often than not, I feel myself getting pushed further and further from officially starting my transition while staying a part of the hockey fan community. The homophobic and transphobic comments made by socially sheltered or ignorant fans have desensitized many in the hockey community to the offensive, hateful rhetoric. The phrase “it’s just a joke” is said far too often to justify a gay comment; the “soccer is gay” line is more than overused; calling other athletes “fags” is commonplace. This all needs to stop. Everyone needs to step up and educate themselves on how hurtful comments and jokes like these are to the LGBT community in sports, and elsewhere. Though I identify as a heterosexual female, the gay jokes and casual use of the word “fag” really do hurt. I faced that kind of discrimination daily from every other aspect of life, and I will continue to experience in the future. It’s just not right.
At least at the present time, I don’t think the hockey community is ready to accept a trans girl as a player. As a fan of hockey, I am welcomed with open arms. But the locker room and the ice is a much different experience. I will most likely have to give up coaching as well. I understand the apprehension parents would have if a transgendered woman were coaching their children. It’s part of my struggle to be accepted. A part that will take years, if not decades, to phase out. I’ve made my peace with giving up coaching when the time comes. I love it, but not enough to continue to live a lie.
Because I am frequently asked why I chose the name Alyssa, I guess I should explain it now. Growing up the regular babysitter my parents hired was named Alyssa. She was the most feminine, beautiful girl I had ever seen. I idolized her. She was tall, healthy, funny, and she always had a Cosmo or a Vogue with her. When I was finally old enough for my parents to stop hiring her, my heart broke. I couldn’t see my idol on a regular basis anymore. I all but forgot about her over the years, but something always kept her in my mind. For the longest time, she was exactly who I wanted to be like. Fast forward to 2011, when I finally came to terms with who I am inside.
As a die-hard Canucks fan, I learned that the girl who I pulled for in the Miss USA pageant, Alyssa Campanella, shared a love for my favorite team ever. She reminded me of my former babysitter. Tall, healthy, feminine, funny, everything I idolized. I instantly knew right then and there that I had to not only chose a name that I felt fit my personality and vision for myself, but also paid tribute to the women who helped shape the girl I am becoming. Picking the name Alyssa was a no-brainer. I feel confident with the name Alyssa. I feel like it fits me better than any other name could. I feel lucky that the name that gives me confidence and self-esteem is also that of my idols. Rarely, I hear, does that happen. I hope to find my former babysitter one day and thank her for everything she’s done for me. I also want to meet Alyssa Campanella and let her know how much she inspired me, and how much she means to me.
When the day comes that I can finally afford to start my transition, I want to be an advocate for transgendered people in sports. I want to help inspire anyone and everyone to follow their dreams no matter what. Honestly, if I can do it, anyone can.
Signing off for the first time, Alyssa
]]>The one thing you can say about Dale Hunter is that he is a hell of a nice guy. Well, okay, you can say a whole heck of a lot of things about Dale Hunter, but before anything else he’s a hell of a nice guy. “But Ryan,” you’re surely all saying, “he tried to kill all those guys he played against.” To which I say pish posh. Well okay, he did try to kill them. And a lot of times, he nearly succeeded.
So how do I know Dale Hunter, Nice Guy, is a nice guy? Two words, my friends: Benching Ovechkin. Oh yes, it’s been a controversial practice, and it’s one that got Bruce Boudreau fired into the sun — actually, a worse fate: fired into Orange County — but it’s very difficult to argue with the practice, given that it has very clearly gotten results.
Ovechkin is first and foremost a scoring machine and one that benefits from taking shifts that last six, seven, even eight hours at a stretch. The longer he’s on the ice, the more he scores. That’s probably a fact. (True believers don’t actually look these things up.) And consequently, Hunter’s hotly-contested “benching” of his mercurial Russian captain has actually been to the benefit of other teams.
Look at it this way: Ovechkin very infamously got just 13:36 of ice time in that game, and think of what he did with it. The game-winning goal (and the legendary taunt of the unwashed goons at Madison Square Garden that followed), two hits, a blocked shot and SEVEN shots on goal of his own. No one else on the team had more than four, and that was Matt Hendricks. In just over 13 and a half minutes. If this is the kind of motivation we can expect out of Ovechkin going forward — hint: it is — then woe be unto poor Dan Girardi and Ryan McDonagh, who will undoubtedly be trampled by the Capitals’ run to the Eastern Conference Finals and, indeed, beyond.
Again, Hunter has met considerable criticism for his handling of the NHL’s most recognizable player, but if you think about it, he’s just doing John Tortorella a favor. We all know that the Rangers’ supremely annoying coach has a habit of keeping his press conferences shorter than Steve Gionta when the Rangers roll over someone 9-1, so for every minute Ovechkin isn’t on the ice, that’s one fewer F-bomb Torts has to drop to distract from the fact that his team can’t put more than nine shots on goal in any period. And he doesn’t have to hold his breath like a kid whose mom won’t buy him a GI Joe to hide that Brad Richards, Marian Gaborik, et al aren’t carrying the big-money water they were brought in to shoulder.
Poor Chris Kreider, at just 21 years old, pretty much has to do everything by himself. He just finished college, guys. Give the kid the chance to unwind just a little bit, eh? Selfish is what it is.
Oh, and it’s worth noting that this was in a game played at Madison Square Garden. Or, if you prefer, a building where Hunter is unable to line match. Imagine what pains and torments Ovechkin will deliver unto his opponents if he’s given favorable matchups (you know, aside from the fact that “literally anyone on the planet” is at a disadvantage when playing against him) and home ice advantage at Verizon Center.
A hat trick if he gets an extra minute or two of ice time? With four extra power play shifts? Dare we dream of an Ovechtrick?
]]>GN: Patrick are you considered the founder?
PB: There are three of us who are co-founders. Myself, Glenn Witman who is the president and founder of GForce which is an all gay hockey team in Denver, and Brian Kitts who is a long time sports marketing professional and professor in the Denver area.
GN: Interesting, I never would have thought you would have so much based in Denver.
PB: Well I don’t know if you want the whole back story.
GN: Absolutely, I want it all.
PB: In the wake of losing my brother, I was looking for ways to get involved with something like this. I had no idea about anything having to do with gay rights. I had no idea who to talk to. Glenn actually reached out to me to have me moderate an “Invisible Athlete’s Forum” which is a panel discussion that we do in which gay athletes share their stories and experiences growing up as a gay athlete. We have done several of them now with coaches, players with teams and they are great.
He asked me to moderate one in Denver. So I went out to Denver and thought it was just amazing, the outreach that they do, the forums were something I really wanted to be a part of. So after doing it, I kind of pulled Glenn aside and basically, whether you guys like it or not, you guys are stuck with me because we are about to start doing some work together. I did a few more of the “Invisible Athlete” forums and continue to do those. I had an idea for something bigger. I had the model with “You Can Play” in my head since I wrote it as an article. I had it in my head and wanted to use it for something.
Glenn brought in Brian who was, at the time, a professor of sports marketing at Denver University. The three of us talked about a few different ways to do it or whether we should give it to another major gay rights group or if it was something to try other ways to handle. Eventually we said screw it, we’ll do it ourselves.
GN: How long ago was that?
It was almost a year ago to the day to be honest with you. The first time we had the discussion when we said basically screw it let’s do it ourselves was right around April 30 of last year. We presented at the American Association of Hockey Coaches convention in Naples, Florida. That day in the hotel we were talking about it. We had talked about giving it to different groups whether it was GLAAD or GLSEN or HRC or something like that. It was right around April 30 when we said let’s see if we can do it ourselves.
GN: You have to be thrilled with the amount of positive response you have gotten from this so far. Amazing videos, big names getting behind this right away, obviously you have spent some time getting ready for this roll out. Also it helps having your last name and having your credentials in the NHL so I am just wondering, did you approach guys individually? Did you have a team that did outreach?
PB: The original way we did it, we set up an advisory board. The first two NHL guys we talked to were Tommy Wingels of San Jose and Andy Miele of Phoenix who were both at Miami University when Brendan was there.
Both had reached out to our family in the past saying I want to do something, please find a way to get me involved. We reached out to the two of them and they hopped on board immediately, which was great. Then we spoke with the NHL office to get permission to speak to the various teams. Then we sent an email out through my father to the other 29 NHL general managers letting them know what we were doing. The basis of the project, we were what we stood for and asking players to participate in the project.
Like you said, having the name of Burke is helpful. The players knew we were on their side. We weren’t going to put them in positions where they might be uncomfortable or get asked questions that they weren’t fully educated about. They knew we would take care of them. That was something they believed in so we started getting responses from players within about 48 hours. Players were committing to appear in the video.
GN: Can I just say, holy shit?!
PB: Pretty cool right? Pretty nerve wracking! When we sent out the email I was going to law school and in finals. So when I wasn’t living in the library I was at the rink. I was sitting in the library and was cc’d on all the emails. So I was seeing all the emails go out, one at a time, Dear Bob to Bob Murray in Anaheim and Dear Steve to Steve Yzerman in Tampa Bay. I was thinking if this doesn’t work I am screwed.
They all went out. Then I remember I was sitting in the library doing some work and we got the first email back from a player saying absolutely, it is something I want to do just tell me what to do and when. It was a pretty emotional moment. It was great!
GN: I have noticed recently on Twitter that you are linking to It Gets Better. You are making more of a connection with folks who have done It Gets Better videos. You have collegiate teams who are signing on and making videos. Oh and by the way, thanks for putting our Sharks video up on the web page.
PB: I thought it was great.
GN: (bragging a little) That was my idea. Emily Hall and I were shooting the bull one night and I said ‘Well let’s make a movie!’ So over the course of two games, we were down there, she had written the script, I did the fine tuning on the script, she did all the tech part and the next thing you know she is sending it out so thank you!
PB: I loved the guy who was wearing the shirt that said “I only look illegal.” That cracked me up.
GN: I thought that was perfect. That was me in the Sharks jersey with Jumbo in back of me on the tv.
PB: I had assumed you were in it.
GN: So anyway back to my questions, do you have It Gets Better folks approaching you and wanting to jump on the bandwagon? Are you making some concerted efforts to reach out to other projects who are working along the same lines?
PB: We have heard from other groups, not specifically It Gets Better. We are very careful to narrowly tailor our mission. We only do sports. We don’t do anything else for numerous reasons. So for that reason there have been groups that have reached out to us and we work with and provide information. But we will not join an official partnership because their groups are so much more all encompassing than what ours is.
We find when we deal with athletes, whether there are supportive of the whole package of gay rights, marriage equality, workplace equality, Don’t Ask Don’t Tell which I know has been repealed, those type of things. Many, many athletes are supportive of that but they don’t want to deal with it. For lack of better terms, they don’t want to be in a locker room after a game and have someone stick a microphone in their face and say “What do you think about the latest gay marriage proposal?” For the same reason they don’t usually speak out on any political or moral issue. It’s just not something that athletes generally do. There are exceptions, of course.
We find that by narrowly tailoring our mission statement, what we ask athletes to say and support, we find that athletes are far more willing to step up and join us. All we ever ask for an athlete to say they he or she would support a gay teammate. That he or she would treat their teammates with respect and dignity. If they want to get involved more beyond than that then we are happy to direct them to the proper groups who are doing that work.
GN: What you are saying makes total sense in terms of, like you said, having someone put a microphone in their face and asking them a question. I think this is why Tim Thomas generated so much controversy so quickly. In my mind that was just something that you just don’t see.
PB: The athletes, for lots of reasons, are very wary of speaking out on any political issues most of the time. You see when athletes do speak up, for whatever side it is, whether it is a very liberal position or very conservative position what happens, whether it is Steve Nash speaking up for gay marriage or Tim Thomas saying I am not going to the White House because I don’t believe in President Obama’s policies. You see whatever side they are on, they get a heavy amount of criticism that distracts them from their job. We think of this as a sport but for them it’s their career. For the most part, whatever their point of view, they don’t want to get involved. Again, I am speaking generally because there are hundreds of examples of athletes who want to get involved.
We set out from the beginning we believe there are hundreds of groups who do wonderful work for gay equality, for LGBT equality in all different arenas of life and society. We decided right from the start that we were going to be sports only and safe locker rooms only. We have had some criticism from people who think we are not being aggressive enough. But we think it is the most productive way to reach out and get the players involved.
GN: So to me, granted I have never been in a men’s locker room, either pre or post game even though my training is as a sport journalist. But back in those days women did not go into the locker room. So it is left to my imagination what goes on in there. But in women’s locker rooms, from my experience in women’s locker rooms, hockey locker rooms, nobody batted an eye about changing in a room with lesbians. Right? We are putting our gear on and just chit chatting about whatever. So my experience is not that homophobia is an issue in women’s locker rooms. Do you have a different perception of that?
PB: From the female athletes we have talked to while getting this project going and having people reaching out to us, if you asked most male athletes to rate the homophobia in their locker room, I think you would hear them say a five to seven with most of being what we call casual homophobia, the use of homophobic slurs. If you asked most female athletes to rate the level of homophobia in their locker rooms, you either get a zero or a ten. So we talk to female athletes when we do outreach to colleges, and hear from sports teams, from the women’s sports teams and they say we have five lesbians on our team and it is not an issue at all.
And you go, well that’s great. But we talk to other sports teams and they go our locker room is horrifying. Now I hate to sound sexist and generalizing but women get mean and vicious. And you talk to lesbian athletes who are afraid to come out and they are talking about horrifying situations where they are being bullied into staying in the closet by their straight teammates. Where as in the guy’s locker room it will be more like “oh don’t be gay” and that kind of language. But in women’s locker rooms they can get really bad.
So it is interesting to see the different dynamics between the men’s and women’s sports whether it is a zero or a ten in the women’s locker room and I talk to coaches a lot and they can say “We have no problem. We have had lesbian athletes come through her for years and never had a problem.” Then you talk to other coaches and they say “Our locker room is out of control, we need help. We don’t know what to do.”
GN: I am thinking of a college situation. The women’s basketball coach at Penn State made homophobic remarks to her team. I am sure they have a non-discrimination policy there and she got fired. Penn State was sued and they lost because of this coach. There are also issues of college recruiters trying to sway recruits against going to a rival college by suggesting that there are lesbians at that rival school so they shouldn’t go there.
PB: We have heard that there is a school in Idaho, where the women’s basketball coach was being negatively recruited against. We have also heard similar things in men’s sports, where some coaches have said “Oh they welcome gay players there. You don’t want to go there.” In my mind, any coach that has to resort to that, they are so clearly out of their element, so clearly incompetent that they probably should not be working with anyone.
GN: It doesn’t say much about the quality of their program if that is what they have to resort to.
PB: On the Flyers, we never say, “Don’t go to this other team, they’re terrible.” We sit down and talk about the strengths of our program are, what the Philadelphia Flyers can do for you. And that’s it. If the player wants to come, that’s great. We would never say don’t go to New York, they are such an awful franchise. Obviously that isn’t true but we wouldn’t say it. We’re confident enough in what we do.
If there are college coaches out there that have to resort to that, well, if I was a player and heard that, I’d just walk out. Not because not only it is horribly offensive but that is one coach admitting to a player, I can’t beat that coach. Straight up.
GN: So then I am wondering, one of your players was involved in a controversy at the beginning of the season, Wayne Simmonds, saying something to Sean Avery. The league didn’t respond.
PB: The league did respond. This is what gets lost. It got lost in the white noise that came out afterwards. I have talked with numerous people about this. The league issued a statement, unequivocally, that from this point forward, any homophobic slurs would be considered the same as racists slurs. Players will then be punished accordingly.
The only reason that Wayne Simmonds did not get punished is because no one on the ice could or would confirm what he said. The NHL has a long standing policy against lip reading. The league has a long standing policy that the only way to suspend someone for something said on the ice, is if an official can confirm that the words were used. The linesmen who were holding Wayne, the referees who were standing right there, no one could confirm what he said. The NHL issued, this year, a very strongly worded statement, stating that, putting everyone else on notice, that going forward, this *&%$ won’t fly. If players are going to use those words, they are going to get suspended.
GN: Well thanks for correcting me on that. I didn’t catch that. I do my best to pay attention to all the little details, and I sure didn’t catch this.
PB: Well for obvious reasons I was intimately involved in the whole process. I certainly got a lot of grief when I had people say “Oh well you are such an advocate for gay rights meanwhile you’ve got a player on your own team who did this. I have to explain it to them over and over. If any official on the ice had said Wayne Simmonds, if anyone could confirm that Wayne Simmonds used the word faggot towards Sean Avery, he would have been suspended.
GN: Well Avery is not exactly a sympathetic character to try and rally behind. But thank you for that clarification.
PB: There was a great statement by Colin Campbell, the vice president of the NHL.
[Campbell’s statement] “We have looked into the allegations relating to the possible use of a homophobic slur by a Flyers player in the Rangers/Flyers preseason game last night in Philadelphia. Since there are conflicting accounts of what transpired on the ice, we have been unable to substantiate with the necessary degree of certainty what was said and by whom. To the extent we become aware of additional information conclusively establishing that an inappropriate slur was invoked, we are reserving the option to revisit the matter.”
All players, coaches and officials in the National Hockey League deserve the respect of their peers, and have the absolute right to function in a work environment that is free from racially or sexually-based innuendo or derision.” This is the National Hockey League’s policy and it will remain so going forward.
It also is important to emphasize that the National Hockey League holds, and will continue to hold, our players to higher standards with respect to their conduct both on and off the ice. While we recognize that the emotion involved in certain on-ice confrontations may lead to the use of highly charged and sometimes offensive language and commentary, certain lines cannot be crossed.
We have for many years emphasized to our clubs and players that commentary directed at the race or ethnicity of other participants in the game (or even non-participants), or that is otherwise socially or morally inappropriate or potentially hurtful — including as it may relate to sexual orientation — is absolutely unacceptable and will not be tolerated.”
My father released a statement that “Colie” (Colin Campbell) did a great job articulating exactly what the punishment would be, that the NHL wouldn’t tolerate such a thing. Going forward, all our players are on notice about this.
GN: You are right, this got lost in the white noise.
PB: That’s what happened. People were justifiably outraged by the use of the term. Then when the NHL announced that Wayne would not be suspended, everyone freaked out without reading, ok, here’s why he is not being suspended. Everyone kind of said, how dare they not suspend somebody? They didn’t really look in to the reasons for why we can’t suspend him.
But now, going forward, the official rule of the NHL is that homophobic slurs are a punishable offense. And this goes back to the casual homophobia. Those words are used. We know those words are used. If those words weren’t used, we wouldn’t have had to launch. We wouldn’t have needed to do the You Can Play stuff. For a long time, and it shouldn’t have been, it was an accepted part of the culture. Then to one day come out and start suspending guys for it, instead of putting everyone on notice?
GN: And doing some education, too.
PB: I don’t want to say it was unfair but it would be like two players got into a fight one day and they both got suspended. Then the NHL said we suspend guys for fights now. And the response would be, well, wait what? Now everyone is on notice. Now I think our players know why they can’t and shouldn’t use those words. I think incidents like that will be few and far between.
GN: As an example the NHL had Shanahan go around and show videos of hits to all the teams and what is allowed and not allowed. Everyone knew what to expect.
PB: Exactly. So the league has done that now and our guys know.
GN: So let’s look to the future. Say in five years, an NHL player decides he wants to live his life openly on the ice and off. You will have been instrumental in making that happen. So ultimately would that be one of your goals? Would that be fair to say?
PB: Well first of all, I don’t think it is going to take five years. I think we are much closer than that. Our organizational goal is that all players, at all levels, feel safe coming out. So our goal is that National Hockey League players feel safe to come out. College players feel safe to come out. Beer league players feel safe to come out. High school players feel safe to come out.
Yeah one of our goals is to get where professional hockey players and all other sports, professional athletes, are able and willing to come out and be safe and feel secure. But we are certainly not limited to professional sports. We would like to see a culture shift in sports, at all levels. When having a gay athlete is no longer a story, that’s what we want.
GN: I can tell you from being in the Tank when Tommy’s PSA is being shown the place gets dead silent. People are watching it. There is no uproar over why this is being shown or any outrage. Fans are taken aback but they are listening and watching.
PB: We have gotten some nice stories about ovations in different cities. It’s not something that historically has been part of going to a game. I’m not at all surprised when fans are a little confused with what’s going on here. To see a player like Tommy stepping up and act in this role is awesome. As the players take leadership roles, the fans will follow. The younger ones will follow.
I know from watching them for years that if they are not already, Shark fans will fall in love with Tommy. Having him on board is great for us. He is a great kid, we are lucky to have him on board.
San Jose fans should also know that other Sharks players have spoken with Tommy about this. They are very supportive. Going forward, Sharks fans can look forward to seeing more players than Tommy come forward. From the sound of it, we might have four or five guys doing PSA’s for us. So for Sharks fans, you will see Tommy but you can look forward to seeing more guys. He is actively recruiting behind the scenes.
The more we go forward the more we hear from different athletes. You don’t want to say guys you wouldn’t expect but, you know, with some guys they would be a pipe dream, there’s no way they would ever do it. Guys like that are reaching out to us. Guys reaching out on Twitter saying how do I get involved? How do I do a video? It’s pretty cool seeing so many guys in the National Hockey League rally around us and have such strong support.
GN: It gives me a lot of hope. Personally, I have been through a lot as an activist. Hockey is what keeps me going. So I want to thank you for what you are doing, it is going to have such an impact on so many people’s lives. Not everyone can do this and have such a big impact in so many different ways. It is a testimony to you but it is also a testimony to your brother. Sometimes simple bravery is about being able to put your feet on the floor in the morning. And tell the truth. I hope there are ways that fans can be helpful.
PB: As we get more of our plans together, get a little more grounded with what we are going to do, I am sure there will be ways for you and other fans to be involved.
We got plans going in to the summer. The web site itself will have the capability of fans being able to upload their own videos. That we think will get more fans involved in that way. Looks like there are going to be regional fund raisers. There is going to be one in LA for sure. As we get in to the fall, looks like we will have our play book, our resource guide for coaches and athletes, schools and fans. We will certainly be mobilizing our friends and allies to get those out to their schools and teachers plus fellow fans and athletes.
GN: I have to compliment you on your knowledge of even the right terminology, saying marriage equality, terms like that.
PB: It took a lot of work, reading a lot of studies, religious articles, educating myself. I didn’t want to go out and insult the LGBT community by not knowing what you are dealing with. There are a couple, but not too many groups that have their foot in both camps, sports and LGBT equality.
GN: I like the fact that there is not a bunch of in fighting about this. You are being focused and effective. Changing the culture is not an easy undertaking. But I can already see the difference.
PB: We do not do turf wars with anyone. If there are other groups who do something better than we do then we are happy to step back and play our role. We are not going to fight for resources, we are not going to step on anyone’s toes. If there are things they do better, we are happy to sit on the sideline and watch. We do not do turf wars.
GN: Well the funny thing to me is that we are all athletes. We are competitive. Of course we want to do the best we can and we want to win.
PB: Well the thing about me was that I was a lousy athlete. I had a good work ethic and leadership but when it came game time I was there to sit on the bench and make people laugh. Now if someone is doing something better than us, I will be happy to sit in the back and make people laugh.
GN: This project, I think, will have a profound effect on all of us. Please let us know ways we can support You Can Play! Thank you so much for all your time!
–You can follow Gloria on twitter and read her work in Frontiers Magazine and San Francisco Gate
]]>When we first met Zach, he was still partly in the closet. Over the months he inched open the door more and more with his team and friends. Earlier this week, inspired in large part by the positive reaction among his teammates who know, Zach has come out to the world.
Nick Kleidon is a senior at the Breck School in Minneapolis. He played defense for the JV team and his high school career was shortened due to an injury sustained while playing football for the school last season.
He played his final high school game on February 18, and while he may not have been a points leader for the team this season, it’s been a high scoring year for him in other ways. In his off hours, he’s an entrepreneur and has received early acceptance to college, where he plans to study business this fall.
As part of the his school’s graduation requirements, every senior must address the entire high school in a presentation of 4-7 minutes, in his or her own words. Thursday was Nick’s presentation. He told his classmates, and anyone else listening, that he is gay.
As he stepped to the podium, an instrumental version of “Fix You” by Coldplay began and Nick addressed the students.
“My story starts in second grade. I was sitting at my desk when one of my best friends came over to me. ‘Hey dude did you see that girl?’ ‘No,’ I responded. ‘I think I have a crush on her,’ he said. ‘I think I have a crush on you,’ I thought. ‘Nice dude,’ I said with disbelief.
“This is how I lived the first 16 years of my life. It didn’t seem normal to be attracted to your classmates of the same-sex, but what can I say? I couldn’t help it. I simply felt that way. I was attracted, and the term gay never crossed my mind.”
This wasn’t an easy speech, he says, but it was the speech he had to give. His ethics teacher helped guide him through the writing process, and when Nick began to wonder if this was such a hot idea or not, his teacher told him simply: go with what your heart says. Don’t be afraid to share it.
“During my sophomore year, I sought the help of other kids who were going through the same problems. As it turns out, I wasn’t alone. About this time, I started talking to a kid from a nearby school. He was dealing with the same things I was. Fighting to just be normal, not knowing what to do. Through our many long conversations, I learned that I needed to get a handle on what I was dealing with. I kept praying.”
In time, Nick began to understand that being gay was just part of who he is. He came out to two close friends, his sister and her boyfriend. They were all fine with who Nick was.
“My junior year, I started talking with guys, and by the end of spring break, actually hung out with a few friends I had met. I found happiness in making friends with kids who have the same interests as I do. Not just men, but sports, music, computers. Before long, I had my first boyfriend. I was finally dating. For real. I was happy. Truly happy. I kept praying.”
Nick shared his speech with his parents ahead of delivering it. It was a difficult few days for him earlier this week. “We argued about it but came to an understanding.” Nick’s sister read the speech. Two years earlier, she delivered her own senior address from the same podium.
As he continued, “Fix You” began to slowly rise: “And high up above or down below,” go the lyrics. “When you’re too in love to let it go, But if you never try you’ll never know, Just what you’re worth.”
Nick’s presentation continued:
“In the most recent months, I had the opportunity to slowly come out to the Boys Hockey Team. Let me tell you, from the bottom of my heart, I can’t express how supportive and caring this group of guys has been to me. It’s quite amazing. Countless teammates have told me that if anyone messes with me, they will come beat the crap out of them. With the hockey team knowing, the class of 2012 found out soon after. They have been just as supportive.”
This would be a big day for Nick and his team. The day before, the Varsity squad met to discuss what the theme for Thursday night’s varsity game would be. They were playing in an area championship game Thursday night. The team captain looked at Nick and said, “What about rainbow?” They took a vote: rainbow it would be.
“Quite often people asked me why I ended up at this school, and I think this year I have finally figured out the true reason. God has shown me that how I am is how He wants me. I’ve stopped praying to be straight. I’ve stopped wishing to be something I’m not ever going to be. I’ve started praying for my parents, praying for my friends, for the world; in hopes of being accepted for who I am. For how I was born.”
Cue Coldplay music swell (“I promise you I will learn from my mistakes, Tears stream down on your face, And I…,“) and lots and lots of applause – and a few tears, we imagine.
Nick’s decision to step out comes at an interesting time. The hockey world and gay twitterverse have been pulsing lately with reports about a new effort; one that advances the late Brendan Burke’s own goal of gay players being judged only by how many pucks they move to the net. Outsports has confirmed that a new organization started by the Burke family and their allies, called the “You Can Play,” will formally launch during NBC’s telecast of Sunday’s Rangers-Bruins game.
In the spirit of Nick’s address, we too, must be open. One of us has been lucky enough to help out Patrick Burke and GForce on the You Can Play launch. The other one of us (that’s me!) has known about it, too, but held his silence. Pillow talk, donchaknow. But in the interest of fairness, we erected a firewall between this enterprise and YCP. As two old C-SPAN guys, we’re slavishly devoted to media transparency and full disclosure.
But enough of that; we all know what the real story here is. It’s guys like Patrick and his entire family who work tirelessly to, in Brian Burke’s own words, pick up the axe that Brendan used blazing a trail. It’s all the NHL players willing to draw the line on casual homophobia in the locker room, and the fans who do the same in the stands.
And it’s guys like Nick who know that life – like hockey – has risks and rewards, and you never get the second without the first.
“I’ve spent so much time dealing with it and praying over it,” he told us Thursday. “Once I started to see being gay isn’t wrong, after praying so long, at some point I think I was on the fence, but I needed to stand firm in what I’m saying. Everybody was so supportive, so encouraged by what I have to say. So cool.”
The Varsity team won Thursday night in a rainbow victory.
They’re going to the state tournament. We’re going to cheer them on every step of the way. And while he won’t dress for those games, Nick has proven that he too, can play, and he hopes to play in college next season as well.
So cool.
]]>When did you start to play hockey. Were you always a D-man?
Zach: It was rough at first. I kind of switched off through squirts and in peewee I found myself as defender for my first two years. You know peewees, bantams – you know all those terms, right?
We don’t know much about the kid ranks. You started playing as a squirt?
Zach: Your first year, you start as a mite. You have Mite 1, Mite 2, Mite 3, then you’ve got your two years of Squirts, your two years of peewees, and your two years of bantams. So, as a bantam, you’ll be an eighth-grader and then, or a as a second-year bound you’ll be a freshman in high school, and then your three years of high school will be high school hockey.
Walk us through the early years.
Zach: I played 3 years of mites, and that’s standard, but my birthday’s in lateso I’m rather young for my grade, so one of the options was to stay back an extra year on that peewee -bantam switch. I did never play bantams. I just went right from – I played peewee for 3 years, an extra year playing with the kids younger than me, as an A-peewee they were a grade under me, and then I went right from my third year of peewees to play JV at my high school my freshman year.
How old were you when you started as a mite? Is that like 5 or 6? 7 or 8?
Zach: I’ve been skating since I was, I want to say when I was two, my parents bought me a pair of skates and they basically brought me to skating lessons. I actually learned more of the motions of figure skating for the first two years, so that was as a 3 or 4 year-old, maybe I think a 4-year-old.
As a 4-year-old I was kind of learning the basics of skating, doing fish patterns on the ice and stuff like that. Finally, as a 5-year-old, they put me in Mites – maybe a little bit early, and I started with the hockey equipment, started to kind of kind of do drills and stuff like that – not playing in games yet, but doing drills and skating in between cones, and sliding under sticks on cones and whatever else we did back then.
You came from a hockey family and your dad was a coach. Did he play? Brothers that played?
Zach: My dad’s the youngest of large family and he’s got four older brothers and all of them played hockey. So, he grew up in a hockey family. When he was a kid, he used to flood the grass area right by his house to kind of make his own ice rink, and he would shoot pucks back there.
So, he was playing very young as I believe a sophomore in high school, he was playing football with his buddies and he was injured. He was done for hockey. He grew up around here, you know-hockey blood.
What does playing that mean to a family? It’s a commitment all the way around, right?
Zach: It’s more of a commitment, and then it really turns into a lifestyle. You’re not only- it’s not just adding hockey to your schedule, it’s making hockey your schedule, and that’s one of the big things that I don’t think people realize. Yes, there’s some really intense families in other sports and stuff like that, but there’s really no kind of hockey on the side, hockey as a kid.
If you’re in the sport, you’re in the sport. It’s that commitment that not only you make as a kid, but your whole family has to make, and I don’t think most people fully understand that. I mean, it’s really 24/7, you know, playing hockey all the time. Hockey this, hockey that- it’s never anything different.
Did it define your social circles as well, where your best friends played too?
Zach: As far as even my parents’ friends and stuff like that, they’re no longer their old friends from high school or whatever. Their core friends are my hockey team’s parents, so there’s really that bonding experience even from a young age. I remember playing squirts and peewees, and my parents would be bonding with- especially in an out-of-town tournaments, you know- living in the cities, we travel around the state. We play a weekend tournament, we stay in a hotel, the whole nine yards.
I remember my parents and a whole bunch of other teammates’ parents- there’s this annual hockey tournament that takes place, and we all stay in the same hotel. For three years of peewees my parents went up there with all these other hockey families – basically, you end up with the same group of kids and their parents.
They’d get drunk and party [laughter]. You have parents climbing on tables, and I mean this is a true bonding experience, for the kids especially, kind of watching this weird side of their parents that’s coming out, but also, this is how our parents got to be really close friends. So I mean, really- it does define your social circles- your hockey experience, your hockey team, your hockey family all become more than just your hockey family. They more or less become your core group of friends when you play hockey.
What was it like making the transition to high school play? You skipped a year of bantam and went to playing JV?
Zach: I skipped two years of Bantam. I skipped Bantams over all. Realistically, I could have played Bantams U, which is youth hockey- it’s not through the high school- up through my sophomore year, and then as a junior I could have been playing my first year of high school hockey.
I actually transferred schools my freshman year high school, to a private school. It would have been very hard to still play for the youth association socially, but also the drive would have been absolutely ridiculous to get to hockey every day. Skipping bantam made sense and we made the right choice, switching me over to play JV hockey as a freshman.
What sort of player were you growing up? characterize where your performance.
Zach: You know, one thing that’s really overlooked, especially nationally, when you live in a hockey state like I do, and you have a kid in hockey and you kind of realize it a little more, youth hockey is big politics shit. It gets bad. I mean, you have your best players sometimes playing on the worst teams because the parents don’t get involved in the details, and the parents don’t plan little events for the hockey teams or plan parent parties or do shit for the team or the association.
It’s really, it gets bad, so as far as my skill level, I would say I was better than average. As far as the team that I played on, I was usually… There’s A squirts, A bantams, A peewees, there’s B-1 and B-2, which B-1 is sort of a step up from a B+ team, I guess, and B-2 would be a B- team, and then the C scores would be a C team. I would typically play in the B+ team.
A few times, I think one, maybe two years, I was on an A team. As far as the difference between teams go, you get a couple more games, a couple more out-of-town tournaments, maybe one more out –of-town tournament as an A team player compared to a B team. C at any level is pretty much a joke. You can’t expect much from it.
Next: “Out in the locker room.”
Note: None of the Mites pics are of Zach. They were all pulled from the web to add simple graphic elements to the post.
]]>Over the next few weeks, we’ll publish installments of our conversations with him. We asked him about his years from mite to high school player, the hockey family and culture, what it’s like to be a gay player, what an out NHL player may face and his plans following graduation.
“Zach” is a nom de rink and we agreed to protect his identity. As the season progresses, he may choose to be more public as an out gay player, but no matter what he decides, we thank him for his time, sincerity and trust.
Speaking of trust, we’re all too aware of stories similar to this that have surfaced in the last few years; stories that turned out to be fabrications or of questionable authenticity. We understand that some may approach this with a degree of healthy skepticism. We keenly understand how fragile trust can be.
Lastly, as we were pulling the interview together, news of Jack Jablonski’s injury surfaced. His story of heartbreak and hope has reverberated around the wider hockey family. Jabs and Zach come from the same world and share similar passions for the game as high school players.
Gay or straight, the risks of injury are there for all players at any level of the game. We’ve asked Zach to stay safe and to be extra careful out there and we ask everyone to consider a donation to Jack’s fund.
After the jump, we start with Zach’s thoughts on the hockey experience and how that’s evolved for him over the years.
Let’s start at the top, what has playing hockey mean to you?
Zach: I mean it’s really a lot more than just the game itself. It’s really more of the overall experience, especially for me. Everything- it’s not just the game, it’s not just the practices- It really expands more, I guess it’s a fuller experience. Going to hockey, it’s like you go from school- you bus there, you drive over with your buddies, you go get food first, you know, that’s quality bonding time at your Noodles or your Chipotle or wherever you go before the game, and then you go to the locker room and you sit in the locker room and hang out with your buddies for another 30 minutes, crack jokes, you know- that’s more fun.
You get out on the ice, and especially Junior League puck, it’s just, you know, a Gong Show, and it’s just a bunch of fun. And then practice, that you know, you’ve got to go up to the workout room and do that whole thing. So I mean, really, it’s more the whole experience for me, the full on, it’s not just the game or what comes along with the game, it’s the time with my buddies.
What’s a typical practice and game day like?
Zach: It depends on the day; there’s like a Saturday game and then there’s like a weekday game where we have school prior. More and more frequently we’ll have a school day game, and I mean that’s even more intense. I mean you have all the boys from junior and varsity wearing their khakis with their white shirt and a tie and their hockey jackets from school.
We like to eat. You know-we go get food, and we go over to the arena to catch the bus and go wherever we’re going. We get there and do our team jog around our rink before our game, So, it’s, really, It’s a full night’s work. I mean- you’ve got to really put homework aside and just get on with what you’re going to do.
How has the experience changed over the years?
Zach: It’s definitely changed over the years. I mean, originally it’s a lot of… It’s hard to explain. You develop a sense of actually- what’s the word I’m looking for, appreciation, I guess over the years, you appreciate it in the long run, now looking back… Now I see how much I appreciate the game itself and actually being able to go out and play, but I also appreciate kind of the whole hockey experience.
When you’re a mite or a squirt at 8 or 9 years old, it’s kind of the day-to-day that you worry about, not the big picture, so I think at 8 or 9 you don’t appreciate what you’re doing as much.
Your parents see it, your parents understand this is something real here. This is it, and all the while you’re just looking to go steal the puck from little Bobby over in the corner. It’s really a bigger picture that develops over the years.
Again, it’s very different. At first, you don’t really realize the fact that while playing in youth hockey, you’re playing with kids that are maybe a year older or a year younger than you or the same age. As for playing high school hockey, you’ve got kids that are four years older than you.
These are kids that you’re afraid of in the hallway, walking through middle school you try to avoid because they’re older than me. They’re big kids, or whatever. Playing high school hockey it’s the same thing. It’s like, “Man, this big-ass kid is going to come over and check me. What am I going to do?” You have to learn quickly, or else you’re not going to succeed as a high school hockey player.
Did you always play D?
I play D… Well, the sport’s kind of switched up. As a kid, you get to play both, so you’re you’re not really defining what position you’re going to play. The alternate goalies, you know, I would play goalie for one weekend and let in 14 goals in one game, and you know, you just move on.
You were a sieve?
I think so. I definitely was one when I played, I think, 2 games. My dad actually coached me when I was … up through peewee, he coached me, so in doing that, he was a very fair giving ice time giver and also a very fair with goal-tending, and for me, I think I didn’t get my fair share.
He saw the position wasn’t for me, although everybody else played 4 games of goalie, I got two games of goalie and then that was it.
Dad pulled you as goalie?
[Laughter] You know, I want to say that second game, my second year of squirts, I want to say the whole third period, we pulled the goalie because we were down like 14-2 and we’d rather have the sixth guy on the ice.
NEXT: “Growing up Hockey”
If you’d like to get in touch with Zach, drop us a line and we’ll forward it, otherwise, feel free to comment.
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