Blood on the Ice is a great book. It’s not a typical gay romance by any means. It’s got some amazing hockey sequences. As a vampire novel it met all my needs because these vampires are bound by the usual rules (they don’t, for example, sparkle in the sunlight). It was a book I had a hard time putting down because I needed to know what was going to happen. Overall, it’s one of the best books I’ve reviewed for PuckBuddys.

It all starts innocently enough. Travis Payne, a Chicago Blackhawks forward, is at a bar with his teammates celebrating the win that got them into the Stanley Cup finals. Unfortunately it’s the last regular night of Travis’ life. As he’s leaving the bar, he tries to help a woman being attacked and, while he breaks up the attack, he ends up turned by a vampire.

In this reality, vampires are “out” in society and have been for a few decades. Travis doesn’t die, but ends up in a six-month program to transition him into being a socially acceptable vampire. This includes him leaving the Blackhawks and going into the LVH’s Chicago Cobras if he plans to keep playing hockey.

Travis’ world is shattered. In the transition program he has virtually no contact with the outside world, so he has no idea what happens with the Cup finals. The visitors he gets are few, mostly his agent and reps from the LVH. His family disowns him. But he eventually finds a friend in Marcus Antonius, captain of the Cobras and a vampire since gladiator times. Actually he feels more than just friendship for Marc, he feels an attraction that he’s usually reserved for women.

Katriena excellently maneuvers her way through all the various plot lines perfectly. She deals with Travis’ transition into vampire without bogging the reader down in too much exposition, while also making sure we know everything we need to. His transition runs from funny to sad to hot and back again many times in the book.

She also establishes the LVH in great detail, again without slowing things down. It’s modeled after the original six, but the play is much more brutal and bloody because the players are already dead. To help make sure they don’t “die” again, no one plays in the LVH with a stick that has wood in it. Among my favorite scenes in the book is the game between Chicago and the Detroit Damnation, especially Travis’ third period goal.

The relationship built between Travis and Marc is great. As I mentioned this isn’t a typical romance. While Marc falls for Travis the first time he see his new teammate, he doesn’t want to impose himself on the new vampire. Watching these two grow from mentor/mentee to friends and teammates and on to a more romantic relationship made for good reading—and some hot reading occasionally, too. Is it a monogamous love that lasts forever (truly forever in their case)? Probably not in any traditional sense but they do make a pretty cool couple.

If you’ve been at all into the books I’ve reviewed on PuckBuddys, definitely take the plunge on this one for something fun, cool and different.

Interview with Katriena Knights

Within minutes of finishing Blood on the Ice, I sent Katriena an email to see if she’d do an interview. Happily she said yes, and it turns out she’s a fan of the site too.

KK: I’d like to start by saying thank you so much for contacting me about this book. I’m really excited that you read it. I’ve been following PuckBuddys for quite some time now—I think it was one of the first hockey blogs I started reading—so this is super cool for me. I actually squeed out loud when I got the email.

Now—on with the interrogation:

JA: First, Katriena, you were a new author to me when I picked up Blood on the Ice so please tell us about yourself and your writing.

KK: I’ve been writing for a while—my first book was published in 1999 and I’ve been publishing pretty regularly since then. Most of my work is paranormal and contemporary romance. I started writing m/m erotic romance in about 2004 under the name Elizabeth Jewell. Some of my books include the Dark Callings series and the Weary Memories series from Changeling Press, which are both m/m vampire stories. I’ve also written futuristic romance for Samhain (Starchild and Earthchild), and I have some self-published novels as well, which are mostly backlist titles and short pieces. I’ve also published a few things as Faith Talbot (ménage romance) and KC Myers (science fiction and fantasy). I’m kind of out there and all over the place at this point. I write a lot, and I end up writing in a variety of genres because I have the attention span of a ferret on crack.

JA: What was the inspiration for Blood on the Ice?

KK: My best friend is a devoted Blackhawks fan. She decided I needed to be a hockey fan, too, and launched a campaign to convert me. I never thought she’d succeed because I’ve never been into sports, but she worked on this project for five years and wore me down a little bit at a time. She knows me too well, so she was able to hit all my weak spots. This included pitching hockey-based story ideas and sending me pictures of half-naked, broad-shouldered, wonky-nosed men on a regular basis. (I’m kind of ashamed to admit that a lot of this campaign involved pictures of Ryan Kesler, but in retrospect, the dude’s naked a lot, so he makes a good weapon for this kind of attack.)

After she’d gotten me interested enough to watch the 2009-2010 Stanley Cup run, I was pretty much hooked. Then she sent me a picture of Paul Bissonnette with blood running down his chin and ordered me to write vampire hockey. So I did.

So, basically, my best friend made me do it.

JA: You have a lot to set up here between establishing that vampires are common in society, the vampire hockey league, the transition program, and what being a vampire is like in 2014 for Travis, Marc and the rest of the vamps. What did you want to accomplish and were there any major challenges in bringing it all together?

KK: The worldbuilding was brought over from my previous book from Samhain, Necromancing Nim. I decided to set Blood on the Ice in that same world because I thought it was cool. I’d written several other vampire books where vampires were still “in the closet,” as it were, and I wanted to try something different. After reading the Sookie Stackhouse books, I found I liked that approach, where everybody knows about vampires. But I wanted to bump it back a few decades to look at what kind of infrastructure might develop in forty or fifty years of vampires being part of the general population. Of course, I had to address a very different set of questions for Blood on the Ice because of the setting. So I spun off the additional details from what I’d already established. A simpler way of saying that is that I made stuff up as I went along. And I should probably write it all down so I can keep track of it in future books.

I think the most challenging part is trying to get it to make sense and feel really organic to the story. I don’t like to stop and do a lot of explanation (and when I do my editor makes me cut it out because it’s boring), so it can be challenging to weave the details in in a way that ensures the reader feels grounded but isn’t being beaten over the head with explanations. So you try to come up with scenes that are integral to the story but that will also introduce elements the audience needs to hear about to make the world feel real and immediate.

JA: What parts of the book were the most fun to write? The most challenging?

KK: I had a ton of fun writing this book across the board, but some of the most entertaining scenes for me were the scenes with Karasov and Boucher. They’re minor characters, so most of what they do isn’t integral to the plot, so I never knew exactly what they were going to do or say when I threw them into a scene. I was just along for the ride, especially in some of the places where they got particularly crazy.

The hockey scenes were definitely challenging. I wanted to make them feel fairly real, and I wanted hockey fans to feel like maybe I had half a clue what I was talking about, but I also wanted people unfamiliar with the sport to be able to follow what was going on. There were also some details about scheduling and constructing the league that were challenging. At one point my best friend, who also served as beta reader on this book (and several others of mine) informed me my game schedule made no sense at all. She sent me a link to a 1936 Blackhawks schedule, and I cut/pasted the LVH team names into it and tweaked some events in the story to fit around that schedule. Of course I also tweaked the schedule just a bit when the story didn’t quite conform, but overall I think it made the read a bit more cohesive, even though it’s a fairly small background detail.

JA: Travis’ fluid sexuality was, frankly, fun to read as he dealt with his attraction to Marc and figuring out that he still liked girls. Why did you decide to take him down that path?

KK: The idea that vampires are omnisexual has been one I’ve used in almost everything vampire-related I’ve written. It just seems to make sense. So it was kind of a given that Travis would go down that path from page one. I also knew I wanted it to be a m/m story, because I wanted to play these two guys’ personalities and alpha-ness off each other, and I wanted them to be teammates, and I just like writing m/m. So Travis’s formerly flaming heterosexuality was doomed from the beginning. It was also a way to play his modern views of sexuality off Marc’s views, which are molded by ancient Roman mores and two thousand years of just puttering around among humans and seeing how things shift and change over time.

I also think sexuality in general is much more complicated and interesting and rich than our current views allow for, and I wanted to explore that to some extent. Also it was fun to write him that way, and keeping me entertained is very important to me.

JA: What’s your favorite part of the book?

KK: Hmmm… Tough question. I think my favorite part is a big climactic scene that I was writing toward through most of the book. I tend to picture stories in terms of big scenes that I really want to write, then build the outlines to lead the plot to those scenes. Sadly, sometimes my big scenes disappear as the story works itself out. This one had to be in the book, though. I can’t really say what it is without spoiling part of the ending, but let’s just say it’s near the end and it’s in a hotel room and there’s lots of vampirey blood and sex involved…

JA: Of course, I know exactly what you’re talking about, and in the spirit of no spoilers I’ll agree that it was a great scene.

So, if you were casting a movie, who plays Travis, Marc and Ms. Pressman, the team’s coach and GM?

KK: This is a really hard question to answer. I always “cast” my novels because I like to have a real face in my head, at least at first before the characters start to take on their own personalities. But in this case, I cast hockey people rather than actors. Since Paul Bissonnette started the whole thing, I had him in my head for Marc. Since he and Taylor Pyatt had that bromance going on while they were both playing for the Coyotes, Pyatt was the basis for Travis. Also Pyatt has big sad eyes. As for Ms. Pressman—I had a specific picture in my head of her before I went looking for a “model.” I ended up using Jana Hossa, but only one specific picture of her, because it’s the only one where she actually looks like Ms. Pressman. In other pictures, the similarity isn’t there. Casting is hard.

As far as actors, I really have no idea. Although I might suggest Chris Pratt for Travis, because Chris Pratt is awesome and should be in everything. Or maybe I’ve seen Guardians of the Galaxy a few too many times.

On second thought I should just let a casting director find a bunch of unknowns who can skate.

JA: Will we get to see more stories with Travis and/or the LVH?

KK: There will be a sequel. The tentative title is The Blood Leagues. That’s all I know so far—I don’t have a release date at the moment. It’ll involve hijinks in Eastern Europe and rescuing Karasov from himself.

JA: You’re clearly a hockey fan based on the vivid hockey scenes in the book and your bio mentions your love for the Blackhawks and your crush on Marian Hossa. Care to share some thoughts on the upcoming NHL season and what your expectations are?

KK: First, a very sad story about hockey crushes. My very first hockey crush was Troy Brouwer. I even bought myself a Brouwer practice sweater. About five minutes before he got traded to the Capitals. I was broken-hearted. But my best friend kept sending me pictures, cause that’s what she does, and during my mourning period I realized Marian Hossa has the profile of a Roman god. But I still haven’t bought a Hossa jersey because of the horrible fear it would doom him to be traded.

As far as the upcoming season—I’m really looking forward to this year’s Winter Classic (Capitals vs. Blackhawks). I’m not going to make any predictions about where the Hawks will land, but I’m sure we’ll do well again, barring injuries. (I don’t make predictions. I’m superstitious about them.) I’m also interested to see how the second-line center question plays out—if Richards ends up in that role and if Teravainen makes his way into a regular slot at some point.

Okay, I’ll make a prediction. I predict we end up in the playoffs somewhere. That’s as far as I’ll go. I also really, really hope the Penguins do better this season, because I like them except when they’re playing the Blackhawks.

JA: What’s coming up next for you the PuckBuddys readers might find interesting?

KK: The Blood Leagues will be coming, probably next year, and Blood on the Ice will be out in paperback next June. Next summer I have Summoning Sebastian coming out from Samhain, which is a followup to Necromancing Nim. Not hockey-related, but set in the same world. There’s even a shared character between Nim and Blood on the Ice, although it might not be immediately obvious.

I also have a series of hockey-based m/m erotica at Changeling Press. There are five stories in the Puck You series. They’re all short and are basically unadulterated smut, so you have been warned.

If you’d like to keep track of my releases, you can find me on Twitter at @crazywritinfool, and on Facebook as Katriena Knights. I’m also on G+ and Pinterest, and my blog is at katrienaknights.blogspot.com. Or you can join my new releases mailing list. Oh, and I have a website that I’m crap at updating: katrienaknights.com.

Thanks again for having me!

Jeff’s regular PuckBuddys beat includes the Red Wings and reviewing fiction that features gay hockey players. In addition, he’s the author of the Hat Trick series, which chronicles the romance of Simon & Alex, two hockey players who fall in love during high school. Hat Trick 2: Playing the Rebound was published in July and he’s at work on the third installment. You can follow him on Twitter at @hockeyguynyc.

I suppose I should be grateful to have been able to watch the Canucks play any hockey at all considering the entire season was nearly a complete write-off due to the NHL lockout that lasted for 113 days. But honestly, I was having more fun during the lockout than watching the often tedious and uninspiring hockey played by the Canucks.

It is essentially the same core team from two years ago. Minus Cody Hodgson (don’t get me started). But they sure didn’t play like that Cup-contending team. I fondly remember when the Canucks would score SHGs, or would score the game-tying goal with 10 seconds left in the third period, then win in overtime. Or when the Sedins would dazzle us with their displays of hockey wizardry.

But this season the Canucks struggled on almost every front. Defense was wobbly and woeful. Goals were as rare as sightings of Tim Thomas. Goaltending was strong, but mired in the drama of having two starting goalies, which Cory and Roberto lampooned in an amusing video segment for TSN. And key players were constantly getting injured.

The Kassian Konundrum

Zack Kassian started off the season impressively while playing on the first line with the Sedins. Of the 7 goals he scored, 5 of them were while playing with the Glimmer Twins during the first two weeks of the season. But as soon as he was moved off the first line his play went to hell in a hand-basket, scoring a total of 11 points for the entire season.

On the other hand, the guy we traded to get Kassian, Cody Hodgson, earned three times more points (34) and scored twice as many goals (15). That unfortunately did not help the Buffalo Sabres much. They slipped from 19th in the NHL last season to 23rd this season. But the Canucks slipped further, from 1st in the NHL last season to 8th this season.

Nearly all Canucks writers still feel the Hodgson/Kassian trade was a good deal for Canucks. I think it’s complete bullshit. Just because Cody didn’t single-handedly lead the Sabres to the Playoffs does not make him any less talented. And the old “but he wanted out of Vancouver” excuse is weak. Yes, he wanted out of Vancouver because Vigneault and Gillis completely mis-managed that relationship and treated him poorly. The Canucks have faltered ever since Cody was traded away prior to last year’s Playoffs, and none of the new players acquired since have done as well.

Goalie Imbroglio

The mishandling of the goalie situation was the biggest mess and distraction for the Canucks. Cory Schneider was named the new starting goalie for this season while Roberto Luongo, with his enormous contract, remained on the roster. Then, in early April, Twitter was aflutter with hyperventilating fans who were preparing for the end of the Luongo era when he was called off the ice by Canucks management minutes before the trade deadline.

But nothing happened. A trade never materialized, which meant Luongo was stuck being Number 1 Backup Goalie for the rest of the season. I don’t know the intricate details of why a deal never happened, but, I’m pretty sure this was the biggest fuck-up by General Manager Mike Gillis so far. It will no doubt be a drama that continues to play out during the off-season.

Vilifying Vigneault

Poor Alain Vigneault. The giggling, gum-chewing Head Coach didn’t have a chance against the pitchfork-wielding public who were calling for his head even before the Playoffs began.

Lots of people found Vigneault’s hands-off, laissez-faire coaching style a teensy bit off-putting while his team was quickly spiraling downward. I mean, if I were the Canucks coach, I’d be screaming and throwing shit around the locker room Tortorella-style. Perhaps he did, I have no idea. But whatever he was doing late last season and all of this season was just not working. The constant experimenting and tweaking of lines befuddled bloggers and started the “Fire AV” drumbeat that got louder and louder after each Playoff game loss.

Eventually those calling for Vigneault’s head got their wish. He and two of his assistant coaches were fired by Mike Gillis last week.

Gillllyyyyy!!

I’m amazed that, after mis-handling the Luongo trade and leaving the team without a strong Center for much of the season when he ended Manny Malhotra’s hockey-playing career, Mike Gillis is still the Canucks GM. Many point to him as the real reason for Canucks’ dilemma, and Vigneault was simply trying to work with what Gillis inadequately provided. But like the “Gilly” character played by Kristen Wiig on SNL, Gillis has yet to pay a price for the mischief he has caused. Or even say “Sorry.”

But now that Vigneault is gone, Gillis is left holding the bag full of problems that still plague the Canucks, including the additional burden of finding a new coach who can work with the team he’s assembled. But if the team continues to flounder and he flubs the Luongo trade, it’s possible Gillis could be looking for a new job this time next year.

Millionaires in Six Seconds

While there was plenty to bitch about, there were a few redeeming moments during this truncated travesty of a season.

Canucks management got a lot of feel-good mileage when they introduced the Millionaires replica uniforms worn during the game with the Detroit Red Wings on March 16th. I was really looking forward to seeing them play in those uniforms and loved how they celebrated Vancouver’s long, rich hockey history and contributions to the sport we know and love today.

When Alex Burrows scored the first goal just 6 seconds into the game, breaking the Canucks record for fastest goal scored, I thought maybe this could be the turning point as they channeled Fred “Cyclone” Taylor and the Cup-winning Millionaires from 1915. No such luck. Detroit ended up trouncing the Canucks 5-2. We haven’t seen those Millionaires uniforms since.

Oops, this is supposed to be about happy moments. Back on course…

Henrik Breaks Stuff

Thanks to my Canucks-season-ticket-holding Fairy Godmother, Mary, I was at the game on February 15 when Henrik Sedin broke the Canucks all-time scoring record. He scored his 757th career point, surpassing Markus Naslund who previously held that record. The entire stadium erupted into a long, boisterous standing ovation. The only thing missing was a large bouquet of flowers presented to Henrik and an encore. Unfortunately, the Canucks ended up losing that game to the Dallas Stars by one point.

There I go again! Stay positive, Tom.

BizNasty No Longer a Dickhead

In my “Biggest Dickheads” post at the beginning of January, I included Paul Bissonnette (BizNasty), who plays for the Phoenix Coyotes, after a dust-up with him on Twitter last year. One night after the Coyotes played Canucks here in Vancouver, I posted another snarky tweet about him that I was sure he wouldn’t see because he had blocked me.

Well, he saw it and re-tweeted it. But surprisingly he unblocked me and we ended up having a private chat on Twitter that was short but sweet. Paul wanted to let me know that, while some of his followers may have hurled homophobic slurs at me, he supports gay rights and has no problem with gay people. I thought it was pretty nice of him to reach out like that. Now I can go back to thinking he’s hot again.

Most Unforgettable Canucks Tweet of the Season

One last moment that I can never forget was when injured Canucks backup goalie Eddie Lack sent out this tweet in early March:

No, he wasn’t talking about Alex Semin. A photo accompanied his tweet which showed a bicycle seat splashed with spooge! For realz!! Lack emphatically claimed in a followup tweet that he did not do it. And I believe him. But, wow, I don’t think any other professional hockey player can top that tweet, not even BizNasty.

Thanks for the Memories

This is my final post for PuckBuddys. It’s been an absolute honor to be the first writer recruited for this ground-breaking hockey blog, but I’m, afraid I must resign my position as both Canucks writer and Western Conference Bureau Chief. When Craig and Doug asked me to be a contributor in the Summer of 2011, I thought they must be high or drunk or both because I knew nothing about hockey and was a newly-minted Canucks fan. So of course I said “Yes!” Since then, they’ve built an impressive stable of writers who provide the best rainbow-colored commentary about hockey you can find on the Internet. I’m proud to have been a part of it.

You can still find me on Twitter (@GayCanuck) making snarky, bitchy comments about hockey and Glee. Over and out. XO, Tom, a.k.a. GayCanuck

[Editors’ Note: We thank Tom for his service, good cheer and panache. He’s responsible for our single biggest traffic day (Ohai, Naked Kesler), and the banner we have at the top of the site. With any luck, we can talk (cajole) him into helping us with our off-season site redesign. Replacing him won’t be easy and we’ll start the search for his replacement immediately. The audition process promises to be rigorous; we’re looking for verve, sass and style. Extra credit will be granted in both the talent portion and swimsuit competition. Inquire within.]

The only highlight of this half season of non-hockey was when Ryan Kesler tweeted “Yooo” at me. For 17 minutes I felt like a teenaged girl who was just retweeted by Justin Bieber. But the limerence was short-lived. There was still no hockey.

Unfortunately, all I’m left with at the end of this year in regards to hockey is a short list of jerks who irked me in one way or another. So without fanfare, here is my list of Biggest Dickheads Of 2012 in the world of hockey:

Gary Bettman and the NHL

Gary, Gary, Gary. What can I say that hasn’t already been said about this Supreme Dickhead and the owners who’ve once again fucked over fans, the league and all those who make a living from NHL games all over North America. For months hockey writers have been busy writing articles predicting when the NHL season would begin, all of them as wrong as the Mayan calendar predicting when the world would end. Day after day my Gregorian calendar keeps reminding me of hockey games that will never take place, and day after day my aversion for Bettman grows. I’m now forced to stay up half the night just to watch World Junior Championship hockey, which is nice, but not nearly as satisfying as watching my favorite team and players on the ice. Plus, the crazy hours and lack of sleep is making me even crankier.

You may wonder why Donald Fehr isn’t on my dickheads list, because every time I bitch about Bettman I get a few “don’t forget Donald Fehr” replies. While Fehr may carry some of the blame for the continual breakdown in negotiations, I feel Bettman and the owners he represents are largely to blame. The players felt they were royally screwed over after the last lockout, so it’s not surprising that they’re holding their ground more firmly this time around to avoid a repeat.

Paul Bissonnette and the BizNasties

For someone who is a hockey celebrity, makes millions, has a privileged life and relishes his bad-boy image, you’d think Paul Bissonnette (@BizNasty2point0) from the Coyotes could handle the occasional insult lobbed at him on Twitter with a little bit of maturity and humor. Instead he sometimes lashes out at his target with digs and barbs that are cruel and personal at times, putting the “nasty” in BizNasty.

While chatting with a few people about a recent BizNasty Twitter tantrum, I called him an “insufferable prick” and a “spoiled brat.” Both, I think, accurate assessments of his behavior on Twitter. He happened to notice, made a snarky comment and then re-tweeted my tweet to his legion of mouth-breathing accolytes who proceeded to pelt me with a barrage of hateful, homophobic comments. For three days. I’m a big boy and no stranger to anti-gay taunts and bullying, so, I took my lumps and Paul got his pound of flesh out of me by letting others do the dirty work for him.

A few people tried to convince me that Paul is a cool guy in person, and perhaps he is, but, he and some of his followers are definitely gigantic dickheads on Twitter.

Ryan Lambert

Ryan (@twolinepass) is a hockey blogger for Yahoo Sports who’s Twitter bio reads, “your favorite team sucks, your favorite player sucks, you suck.” He’s a self-described troll who prods and provokes others with outrageous comments and juvenile name-calling, like Beavis & Butthead, but a lot less funny. His fawning over BizNasty, who’s sophomoric antics are regularly featured in his posts on Yahoo Sports with loving adulation, might make you a little squeamish.

You’d think someone as sharp-tongued as he — who frequently refers to people as “dumbasses,” “assholes,” and “shitlords” — wouldn’t be as thin-skinned as his Nasty idol. But after sparring a few times with Ryan on Twitter, he eventually blocked me because I “shit-talk” him all the time. This is clearly a person who is as humorless as his posts on Twitter, and who takes himself a wee bit too seriously.

While I actually agree with Ryan about lots of political and social issues, he needs to lighten up or get off the ice if he can’t handle the body checks he likes to dish out.

Tim Thomas

This starts to veer into that taboo topic of politics. But it’s only because Tim Thomas, former goaltender for the Boston Bruins, put his Tea Party politics front and center over the past year by making his disdain for President Obama and support of Chick-fil-A’s anti-gay stance publicly known.

When heaped with criticism, he pulled the prima-donna routine. He refused to answer questions or cut interviews short and stormed away as soon as he was asked to comment further about his political views. Then he bailed on the Bruins and decided to take a year off from professional hockey. In light of the current lockout, that may not have been such a bad idea, but, in the eyes of many Bruins fans he went from being a superstar to a colossal dickhead.

@Strombone1

I know I’m going to get hell from other Canucks fans for this one. But I find this mysterious @strombone1 Twitter account that is not Luongo, but actually is, but isn’t, tedious and dickish.

If it really is you, Roberto, then just come out of your Twitter closet already and stop playing this ridiculous game of hide-and-seek. It may have been cute and fun for a year or two, but, now it’s just downright annoying and creepy because most people now believe it’s actually you, so, why keep up the silly charade? What are you afraid of? Plenty of other celebrities bigger than you are on Twitter being jackasses, but you are actually funny. Or do you want to be the Greta Garbo of goalies?

Luongo and his wry sense of humor would get a shit-ton more followers, and wouldn’t have to beg dickheads like BizNasty to follow him, if he kept tweeting what he tweets now using a verified account. Otherwise, the ambiguously anonymous goalie gig is getting old.

Shapsters

You’ve seen them on Twitter incessantly using their concocted word “shap” and calling people they dislike “milts” or referring to others as “b” (e.g., you mad, b?).

I call them Shapsters. They think they are hip and cool, but they are just irritatingly cliquey. No one really knows what the hell they’re talking about most of the time. They have tweetups they call “shapups” and created the eye-roll-inducing “Shapys” which apparently gives out awards for who knows what, probably Miltiest Shapper or something equally dopey. Even Luongo (as strombone1) is parroting this shap crap and has become their Patron Saint of Shap. Shapsters, just close your bazoo already.

Don Cherry

Don Cherry (@CoachsCornerCBC) is a hockey legend and a legendary curmudgeon who says some pretty outrageous shit on national TV here in Canada.

He calls people he disagrees with “pukes” or “pinkos,” and his disdain for French-Canadians and Europeans is well known. He’s also an advocate for fighting in hockey and openly railed against Brendan Shanahan for cracking down on it with severe suspensions, as well as a few former hockey enforcers who spoke out against fighting. The backlash he received for being such a dick forced him to make a rare apology on the air a week later.

Cherry’s one redeeming quality is that he has a sense of humor about himself. Anyone who wears Elton John hand-me-downs on TV to talk about hockey doesn’t take himself too seriously (perhaps Ryan Lambert should start wearing obnoxious clothing, too). It’s why people either love him or hate him. He may be a dickhead but at least he’s an entertaining one.

Christopher R. Barron

The last, but not least, dickhead is Chris Barron (@ChrisRBarron), co-founder of GOProud, the gay Republican organization that supported Mitt Romney and his anti-gay party platform in the recent U.S. Presidential election. Believe it or not, Chris is gay. He also happens to be a hockey fan who likes the Pittsburgh Penguins, a good hockey team with one of my favorite players, the delightfully dreamy Sid Crosby.

Chris doesn’t seem to have a problem interacting with the hateful conservative zealots of his chosen political party, such as their official “Gay Icon” Anne Coulter. But when it comes to debating fellow hockey-loving homos about his questionable support for politicians who’d prefer that gays stay in the closet, he can’t handle it and blocks us, including PuckBuddys. Oh the lively, chirpy political and hockey debates that could have been if he weren’t such a GOPathetic dickhead.