Last week saw the Capitals play three games against previously Western conference foes, two of whom have now come east to roost. Let’s take a swing through the Midwest and see whether the Caps played like homely milk maids or foxy farmers’ daughters.

QUICK TAKES: Last Week: 3-0-0

• Columbus Blue Jackets  Win 4-3 (OT) – Ovechkin had the dandy winner in overtime, and I spilled my scotch in the celebratory hoopla. If only some product existed to Guard against Scotch. Oh, well.
• Detroit Red Wings  Win 4-3 (SO) – All Nick Backstrom does is win scoreless overtime shootouts, an does so with moves filthier than a Beijing fog cloud. Michael began climbing the NHL Latta with his first career goal, and gave us the most shock-uberant celebration of the season.
• St. Louis Blues  Win 4-1 – Ovechkin potted two daffodils to take the league lead in goals, and Braden Holtby was stunning. I mean, he played well too, but his hair – flawless.

Taking six out of six points will work any week. Caught up, let’s take stock of where the Capitals are now.

Quarter Pole or Cole Porter: The Caps’ De-Lovely Season

Well, looky here! A quarter of the way through the season, the Washington Capitals find themselves one point shy of first place in the newly-minted Metropolitan division. And like another first-rate Metropolitan – the Parisian subway – this baby is underground. ESPN.com currently has the Caps a paltry tenth in their power rankings, despite being just three points out of first in the East. Is the East weak? Like a half-assed blockade of Berlin. But a tidy dismantling of the St. Louis Blues and the specter of Jaroslav “Sorry About Your Playoff Hopes” Halak does plenty to speak to the strength of this team.

Wednesday’s tilt against the barely-in-first-place Pittsburgh Penguins will be another useful measuring stick. The Pens are mustard-stained, Yuengling-soaked interlopers from the Land That Time Forgot, but they are a model franchise of perennial Cup contention.

Sidney Crosby is the most complete hockey player in the world, and their roster is deeper than Rob Ford’s navel. If the Capitals can claim first place in the division, and do so by knocking off the Penguins, it will give credence to the following statement: This is the most complete Capitals team I can remember, from the net to behind the bench, from the first line to the fourth.

Ovechkin the Obestkin

Alex Ovechkin, like the surface of the Sun or a not-to-code industrial foundry, is hot. Extending to last season, he has forty goals over his last forty-two games. On the powerplay he drums up goals from the circle like a motivational speaker at Burning Man, and he’s better off in the face-off than a chimp attack victim with a positive outlook.

Ovechkin is now tied for the league lead in goals with Alex Steen, St. Louis Blues forward and Clive Cussler character. What is striking is the variety of goals Ovechkin is scoring. Last season, most of them came via one-timers from the circle, on the powerplay. This year, Ovi has dangled, dinked, dunked, dipped, dived, deked and decked for his supper. Whether a curl-and-drag snap shot over the shoulder or a bunkerbusting slapper from just inside the zone, the Russian Machine, like a fine escort, is lubed up and rolling.

Just One Contract to Give: Backstrom or Ovechkin?

I wondered this to myself, and I think it bears asking, however rhetorically: If you were the GM of the Washington Capitals, and you only had one contract to give, would you give it to Backstrom or Ovechkin? “Blasphemy! Heresy! Lunacy!” cry the unwashed masses. “I’ve no interest in your ne’erdowell suppositions!” Yet despite these old-timey exclamations of incredulity, the question remains: who is more key to the Capitals’ continued success?

Alex Ovechkin is Alex Ovechkin, X equals X and water is wet. He is the three-time Most Valuable Player of the League, and the only player ever to win the award from two different positions. He will own every Capitals franchise record when it’s all said and done, and will likely go down as one of the game’s all-time greatest players.

But Nick Backstrom is the glue of this whole team. Take away all the assists (in which he has led the team in five of the last seven years), take away all the goals (which he seems to score effortlessly), take away anything easily measurable.

Backstrom is the fulcrum this offense pivots on. Whether establishing the attack in the offensive zone, making smart entries through the neutral zone, or playing good possession-to-breakout hockey in his own zone, Nick is the Capitals’ sanity in the midst of Beltway bedlam. Remember when people said Ovi was washed- up and over the hill? Guess whose injury and absence that coincided with: Backstrom. A cannon is a cannon, but if no one’s around to load it, it’s just a sideways trashcan.

Now let’s shift chronological gears and turn to the week ahead, and the segment that Richie Incognito once belittled within an inch of tears:

LIABLE TO LIBEL: A BAKER’S DOZEN LIES ABOUT THIS WEEK’S OPPONENTS

1. Penguins winger Jussi Jokinen always warms up in his favorite pair of sweatpants that say “Jussi” across the butt in glitter.

2. Marc-André Fleury has the best hyphen-to-soul-patch ratio in the league.

3. Gazing down upon the festering Gomorrah before them, the city’s founders stated the obvious and called it Pittsburgh.

4. Some say that if you enter Consol Energy Center after dark, you can still hear the ghost of Sidney Crosby moaning for a call.

5. Montreal center Danny Brière asked his new teammates to call him “Brie,” but it was too cheesy.

6. Nine different bridges enter and exit Montreal, because wouldn’t you want eight backup plans when it’s time to leave?

7. Like fellow Montreal product Cirque du Soleil, no one can follow Canadiens games, but still clap politely because it seems like everyone else is.

8. Goalie Peter Budaj is good player and a swell guj.

9. The Toronto Maple Leafs have sent several letters to the mayor’s office informing him that their logo is not, indeed, a pot leaf, and to please stop calling.

10. Rob Ford is now the biggest thug in Toronto, beating out previous title-holder Drake.

11. While some question the pluralization of the Maple Leafs name, no one mentions their minor league affiliates the Windsor Gooses or the Halifax Childs.

12. Phil Kessel is not actually fat, he just stores all his unrealized potential in his cheeks.

13. Winger Mason Raymond was named after his parents’ investment firm.

So there you have it, Caps fans. Plenty to be optimistic about, and some fun hockey to watch this week. Pound the Pens, halt the Habs, lick the Leafs – simple stuff. With that I bid you adieu, and as always: Goodnight, good luck, and Go Caps.

Editor’s note: Follow Jason on twitter @HeyJayJRogers

Unfortunately I have never lived in Pittsburgh but I have been to a few of their games. The first NHL game I went to was in Mellon Arena and I was enraptured. I live in Rochester, home of Buffalo’s minor league team the Amerks. I will be writing on the Penguins, the Sabres, and the Amerks. @themackattack will just have to share his beloved Sabres with me. He is very passionate about them which I can attest to first hand, however the Sabres may just trade him, or me now for that matter, for a draft pick. I digress, more on the Vanek trade in a later article.

I grew up in Sabres territory but not from a hockey family. I never skated on ice regularly.  About as close to ice hockey as I got was street hockey with friends who happened to be ice hockey players. Of course, I had trading cards and television to satisfy my needs.  I did go to Amerk games and in the 1990′s for the AHL Rochester was the place to be.  Back then the Amerks were arguably the best team in the AHL and they had this one fan called “The Masked Fan”. He was just a kid, younger than I even who came to the games wearing a lucha libre style mask to every game. He was the loudest, proudest fan at the games. He always cheered his heart out and started the chants.  Even during all the Calder Cup finals my fondest memories is still what only a child would possess, playing knee hockey in the stairwell of the Rochester War Memorial during the games. Ages, 10, 12, 14, didn’t matter I still wanted to play hockey with friends.

I am 31 now and still as youthful as ever. I have a degree in history and love talking about history, any kind, any time period. I am a mix between a geek/nerd and an athlete; I love sports and I love knowledge. My favorite games are hockey, chess, Magic the Gathering, soccer, volleyball, carcarsonne.  And I do love to write!  You can always find me championing for just causes and equality – not just for gays but for all people.

Lastly this Brian Burke bear hug rule – well if need be i’ll gladly teach hockey players (free of charge) how to properly apply a bear hug.  As a gay man it is nearly customary to hug one another upon greeting and the French-style kiss cheek to cheek. Businessmen shake hands, gay men hug. I’ll even teach them the finer art  of a proper hug, none of this three pats on the  back nonsense.

I would like to make a request that I begin with #68 Mr. Prague Spring Jaromir Jagr. Yes, Jaromir I know my history very well and have taught many lessons about the movement, Petr Novak, and the singing of “We Shall Overcome” at Wenceslas Square. Sidney Crosby also could learn how to properly hug from me and of course fellow mullet player and Buffalonian Patrick Kane should also be taught the bear hug rule.

Final line goes to someone else, not just gay men, who faced discrimination in hockey. Manon Rhèaume. I thank you for all you’ve done and challenging the hierarchy.

So you can probably guess that I am a Cleveland sports fan. I am a die hard Lake Erie Monsters fan, my ring tone is even the Monsters’ theme song Monster by Skillet. I am also a fan of the Tribe, I have a lot of memories, but as this is a hockey site not a baseball site I will move on. If I was a fan of football and basketball, and could actually stand watching a football or basketball game, I would root for the Browns and Cavs because I am loyal to my home town. I am bisexual, but I tend to be more attracted to guys.

I remember my first crush in high school being the captain of the hockey team (I should have suspected then that I was into hockey, but I was an idiot teenager and didn’t really think about it because he was straight). I am working on coming out, I am out to most of my close friends, but I believe that if you need to know I will tell you, otherwise who cares, I am still the exact same person I was just a few seconds earlier, you just have another tag you can attach to me. I have recently completed my degrees at Cleveland State, and have started looking for a full time job.

I played hockey when I was about 5 or 6 years old before my family moved to Oregon and I lost interest in the game. Fast forward to January 2011 to when one of my friends tells me that she has an extra ticket for the Lake Erie Monsters game and I say sure because I had nothing better to do that night, little did I know that my life would forever change that night at the Q.

I went and I fell in love with hockey to the point where I would go out and buy a cheap pair of skates so that I could start re-teaching myself how to skate so that one day I could play again. I have since gone on to become a partial season ticket holder (check out my view at the right) with the Monsters, and can skate once again and am learning the game of hockey all over again. I hope to play in my first game in about 20 years during the winter rec league this year.

A couple years back after I first started watching hockey again I figured I need to figure out which NHL team I would root for as I couldn’t get enough hockey. Being loyal to Cleveland my gut told me to follow the Avalanche our NHL affiliate, but it is nearly impossible to see an Avs game in C-town (even with NHL game center, it is hard to catch a game). So how am I to fill my need to watch as much hockey as possible, I have to pick one of the teams close enough to see a game on cable, the Pittsburgh Pengiuns or the Columbus Blue Jackets.

Since I am truly not a sports masochist and believe that I should be allowed to root for at least one winning team and much to the delight of my uncles in Pittsburgh (yes, I admit I am half yinzer on my father’s side) I decided to root for the Penguins under the stipulation that I would only root for the Penguins as long as they weren’t playing the Avs, because I have to root for the hometown team. So I am an Avs fan who will also root for the Penguins as long as they are not playing the Avalanche.

Go Monsters, Avs, and Pens!

My twitter is @lemonster88 if you care to follow, but be warned, it will mostly be Lake Erie Monsters posts during the season.

The thing is, I  haven’t been engaged. The return of the NHL in middle January was anti-climatic for me. I was ready for the season to start in the fall—I think we all were. But as the lockout kept going, the Winter Classic evaporated and the All-Star game fell, my enthusiasm went with it.

Even going to a Dallas Stars/Chicago Blackhawks game and seeing long-time hockey crush Jaromir Jagr play in person couldn’t quite spur me to get into the NHL. That game should’ve done it too since the game was within the first couple weeks of the season start.

As un-interested as I’ve been, I have paid attention to a few things this season:

The Red Wings: Of course I have to at least keep an eye on my all-time favorite team. However, to say they have not done well this season might be an understatement. As I write this they are fighting for their playoff position–a fight that got harder as they lost to the Flames last Wednesday and Canucks on Saturday (although that got them one point since it was a shootout loss). It’s sad to see this once dominant team struggling to get the eighth spot. Will the Wings get their 22nd consecutive trip to the post-season? I wish I could say “yes” with any kind of confidence, but their performance this season leaves me drowning doubt, especially since there’s no room for error in the final four games of the season over the coming week.

Perhaps the season connects back to Glee after all. The show’s fourth season has been extremely disappointing with very few bright spots… much like the Wings’ season performance.

Pittsburgh Penguins: On the flip side, my other favorite team had a great season. There was a healthy winning streak mid-season. They didn’t collapse when Sid came out of the lineup with the broken jaw. They added Jarome Iginla, another crush of mine, to the roster. These guys had a season that I regret not paying more attention to. If anything is going to get me excited during the post-season it’s the hope that the Penguins will crush the competition.

The Winter Classic: The loss of the Classic this past January was something I thought couldn’t happen. I was sure NBC would send a clear message to the NHL and NHLPA to get it together and make the game happen. All I got was more disappointment. Now it is set up again for the Red Wings and Maple Leafs to go at it in the Big House. I’d planned to go in 2013. I’m still deciding if I’m going to try to put the trip together for ’14.

Realignment: Some of the best news of the season, and I know not everyone likes it, is the realignment for 2013-14. I’m thrilled that Detroit is in the East. It’ll be easier to see games on TV. I’ll potentially see them live far more since they’ll visit New York teams multiple times a season instead of once every two seasons. It’s going to be more difficult to maintain equal standing for me between Detroit and Pittsburgh since they’ll be in the same conference, but that’s a small problem compared to the many advantages of the change.

While I haven’t been enthused by the NHL, there’s been hockey that has made me quite happy over the fall and winter.

University of Alabama’s Frozen Tide: The Tide finished the season second in the South Eastern Collegiate Hockey Conference, losing in the finals to Arkansas. The Frozen Tide also made a return trip to the American Collegiate Hockey Association’s Division 3 National Championship tournament. While they didn’t make it out of the pool play, the Tide did win a game in pool play and that’s better than they did in the 2012 tourney. The season was another huge step in the Tide’s growth to become a dominant hockey force. I’m already looking forward to fall to see what this team does for 2013-14.

Road trip: I made my first trip to an AHL game when I went to You Can Play night at the Bridgeport Sound Tigers. The game was a lot of fun. It was also, of course, inspiring to watch YCP in action during the pre-game talk back and with videos showing on the rink’s big screen before and during the game. Plus, getting to play in the scrimmage that followed was a blast. It was an honor to share the ice with Patrick Burke.

YCP: Speaking of You Can Play, watching them go from their first night at a pro game with the Sound Tigers to the organization receiving the full support of the NHL and NHLPA was incredible. YCP, along with the hockey community, are such a powerful force for equality. It makes me proud to be a hockey fan and hockey player.

Now I’ll spend the next week hoping the Red Wings get it together and psych myself up for some playoff hockey. Maybe the race for the Cup can fully get me back into the NHL fold.

And Iginla, well, in a brave attempt to take over from Steve Tambellini as the reigning worst GM in the league (Scott Howson having been taken out of the competition), Jay Feaster seems to have told Boston a trade was completed before he actually asked Iginla if he wanted to go. Which is, you know, an essential part of trading a player with a no movement clause.   End result is no Iginla, and the Habs retain a narrow lead in the Northeast over the Bs. Oh, and a great steaming pile of schadenfreude from the fans of other teams. It’s something you deal with as a fan of a team that a) has success and b) plays with an edge, but this felt excessive.

Artist’s impression of the author on Thursday

There were a lot of people taking a lot of pleasure in another fanbase’s despair.  As one does in these modern times, my response was to whine about it on twitter, which got some interesting responses. Most of said responses were along the lines of “uh, this happens to every team, suck it up.” I still think this was slightly different, but I realised they all had a point.

Being a sports fan seems to me to be an exercise in confirmation bias. We see the behaviour we deplore in other teams and (loudly) point it out, while ignoring or minimising the same from our own players. We complain about people dumping on our team, forgetting the same thing happens to everyone else’s team too.  For example, Claude Julien held an embarrassing press conference a few weeks ago to complain about other teams ’embellishing’, which was instantly and roundly mocked by fans of other teams. A parody video of it went up in no time at all.

But a little bit of research reminds us that other coaches and GMs have given equally embarrassing press conferences in the past: see here  and here for examples. Likewise, I love to complain about Ryan Kesler’s diving (maybe that’s how he injured his hip), when Brad Marchand is almost as bad. And Habs fans like to bash Marchand when they have both PK Subban, diver extraordinaire, and Brendan Gallagher, who is basically the same player as Marchand.

One side of me thinks it’d be nice if we didn’t just irrationally bash rival teams – the competition is after all played out between the players not the fans. But on the other hand, the whole notion of sports fandom is completely irrational. Emotionally investing in a group of people you’ve probably never even talked to play a sport for enormous amounts of money doesn’t really make much sense. But damn it’s fun.

And some of the time, irrationally hating on another team while igoring the flaws in your own is part of the fun. Be a ridiculous one-eyed homer every so often, embrace the idiocy of fandom. Enjoy feeling smugly superior that something bad happened to the Bruins. It doesn’t happen very often.

I wouldn’t begin to approach either performance as  perfect, and there are certainly aspects of their game that need to be  cleaned up and worked out, but I want to be extremely clear about one  thing: the Pittsburgh Penguins beat themselves last year, and they  won’t do it again this year. If these two games are any indication of  what’s to come, this season could be one hell of a ride.

That whole, uhh, “extended offseason” gave folks a lot of time to  think about everything that happened in the spring and summer. The  lack of discipline, the terrible penalty kill, Marc-Andre Fleury’s  inability to track anything smaller than Pierre Maguire’s ego. The death threats against Paul Martin, the salary dump of Zbynek Michalek  (I already miss you, boo), the confusion around who would play with  James Neal and Evgeni Malkin.

Who would the Penguins be if and when  the new season started?   This past Saturday and Sunday, the Pittsburgh Penguins were focused, confident, authoritative, and truly didn’t give a fuck.   In some ways, I think starting on the road, particularly *that* road  in Philadelphia (and MSG, to some extent), was beneficial. Playing  hockey on the road requires that extra bit of mental fortitude,  keeping you locked into the game and the details of what you’re doing out on the ice.

After the embarrassing end to last season, this kind  of strong start is at least a little bit encouraging. Getting the crowd at Madison Square Garden to boo their own team the first time you step into their barn is priceless and will never, ever get old.  Ever.

As I said before, though, these were not two perfect performances.  Mental lapses, sloppy passing, poor timing – the Penguins will need to  work on these things as the days pass, even if some of the sloppiness  and timing can be attributed to the understandable amount of rust for  some players.

I could do without Geno basically handing the puck to Rick Nash on a platter, and I think it’s going to take Simon Despres  some time to find his stride (yeah, um, can people please finally shut  up about him being a replacement for Martin, by the way?).

I will be  watching the James-Neal-on-the-point power play with a close and  skeptical eye. But you have to like some of the things that have come out of games 1  and 2. James Neal is picking up right where he left off, demonstrating  his uncanny chemistry with Evgeni Malkin. Paul Martin is playing  confident, smart hockey and anchoring a top-2 pairing with Brooks  Orpik. Brandon Sutter has made me forget that guy who looked like Big  Bird’s hotter and kind of trashy cousin. Marc-Andre Fleury and Tomas Vokoun turned in some solid performances, and I imagine 92 will start  around 24 more times.

What I like most, though, is that we’ve got a 4-point lead over two  division rivals in a shortened season. The worst thing in the world is  having to rely on other teams to lose, and these two games could prove  to be huge as the playoffs approach.

The Penguins open at home on 1/23 against the Toronto Maple Leafs, so we can basically be assured that their road dominance will be followed  by a puzzling performance at home against a team that should be blown out of the building and into the Allegheny. That could be the cynic in  me speaking who’s afraid to believe the hype that I saw with my own two eyes. It could also be me bracing myself for injuries that could derail a team that has the makings of a locomotive (one that can win the whole thing, I mean – sorry, Vancouver and Washington).

I approach the rest of the 2012(ha)-2013 season with cautious optimism. The Penguins basically ran shit against two of the best  teams in the league, and Sidney Crosby wasn’t a dominant player in either. When Stella gets her groove back, along with the rest of these flightless birds, one would have to think that things will only get  better. Or, to continue with the “Move Bitch” theme, in Mystikal’s words:  “Better not walk in front of their tour bus.”

“Paul Martin supports cancer. #PaulMartinSmearCampaign”

“Paul Martin thinks that you’re supposed to pass it to the other team. #PaulMartinSmearCampaign”

“#PaulMartinSmearCampaign was just trending for me. And people say flyers fans are too harsh on their players, this never happened in philly”

When Philadelphia is calling you goony, you know you’ve got a problem.

I really have felt like Susan Powter many times when reading and hearing much of the conversation surrounding Paul Martin this past season. Instead of trying to remind people that diets don’t work, though, I’m trying (despite it being a gross exercise in futility) to remind people that he isn’t the worst defenseman in the world or even on the Pittsburgh Penguins. Not even close to it, actually.

While anyone who’s spoken with me can attest to the fact that this has been a season-long struggle of mine, and while I’ve touched on this in some of my previous entries, I never felt the need to dedicate an entire post to Paul Martin and his perceived suckiness, for lack of a better word. The newly hatched #smearPaulMartin campaign that popped up on Twitter this past week was the final straw that broke this bitch’s back, and it’s time for some real talk about the unwarranted and disproportionate amount of hate being heaped on #7’s shoulders. To borrow from my muse, Lady, in her song “Garbage Ass”: the way you hatin’ I would think you gettin’ a check to do it/you’re dedicated, you’re loyal, I mean you’re so into it.

I’m here to tell you what’s really hood, and what’s really hood is that the PaulMart hate is pretty out of line and that, at least in part, its magnitude can be linked to our ideas about masculinity and how they translate to play on the ice.

The hate he gets certainly isn’t justified if we’re looking at numbers and statistics. For the uninformed (and that would be an embarrassingly -large portion of the Pittsburgh Penguins fan base, it would seem), those are the pesky bits of information that can be tested and verified and confirmed and stand up to repeated analysis. Because there are some wonderful people out there on the internets, I don’t have to present them; you can read these posts to see why, from a statistical standpoint, it’s pretty obvious that Paul Martin is the Penguins #2 defenseman behind Kris Letang (and for good reason).

Please note that I am not saying he has been perfect, nor am I suggesting that his play during the beginning of this past season was up to par. Martin has also acknowledged shortcomings in his game this past year. What I am, however, attempting to do with these links is once and for all dispel the notion that he’s even close to as bad as a lot of people believe and want you to believe.

Even the folks behind Pensblog, not exactly the most Martin-friendly guys out there, engaged in a statistical analysis that showed that, hey, maybe he isn’t making anywhere near the amount of mistakes that are attributed to him. (Note: I do, however, think that a direct comparison to Sergei Gonchar is flawed in and of itself since they aren’t even the same type of defenseman. “Puck-moving defenseman” isn’t the same as “offensive defenseman,” and I think a Letang/Gonchar comparison is far more useful and relevant, especially in terms of their roles on the roster. I realize that letting Gonchar go and bringing in Martin/Michalek lends itself to a head-to-head comparison, but I think that’s because it’s easy and lazy above all else.)

Oh, and for the people who are playing the he-makes-$5 million-so-he-should-be-X-Y-Z: take his contract up with Ray Shero if you don’t like it. I’d be cool with him making less, but let’s once again keep it real – if Shero didn’t pay it, someone else would gladly have paid that or even more to have him. Dennis Wideman’s in the same money league as Paul Martin, so y’all can just simmer down on that. And considering some of the folks making more than PaulMart, I’m fine with his cap hit.

I really don’t like calling people out individually, and I am not doing this to publicly shame anyone, but I think we need to take a look at some of the examples of the Martin-bashing that are out there to help illustrate my point. This blog post is perhaps one of the best recent examples upon which I can draw.

The author starts by assuming that the reader thinks Paul Martin is a joke, which speaks to the degree to which the Martin-bashing has caught on (or is perceived to have caught on) among Penguins fans. She also notes that she wished she had the time to include more statistics but couldn’t due to lack of time (hey, I understand that) to prove her point that the #smearPaulMartincampaign is justified.

Underneath all of the made-up stats and fabrications (seriously, just read the CBS article I linked to earlier and cross-reference that with her analysis of his play with regards to his concussion…and when it actually occurred) and her repeated mentions of how she “feels” that Martin’s a bad player, her main point and problem with Martin is simple: Paul Martin isn’t physical enough.

Let’s also take a look at some comments left in response to the above-referenced articles, as well as from around the internet. It’s admittedly a little hard to find anything more substantial than, “Paul Martin sucks,” or, “Paul Martin is terrible and the worst,” out there that would indicate why, exactly, they have arrived at such conclusions, but those that do echo the sentiment of the above author:

“Yeah, sorry, I couldn’t find the ‘soft play’ statistic anywhere, darn it.”

“He is certainly a whipping boy within the fan base because of his soft/finesse style.”

“…his most physical play is the poke check.”

“I rather believe that it is Martin’s style of passive, positional defense that seems to offend many.”

“let me tell you the main reason I hate paul martin. He looks like ellen degenerous. (sp?)”

That last one was just too ridiculous to not include. Sorry.

Let’s not forget the mentions of him being quiet and soft-spoken, too. While these characterizations aren’t done to paint him in a negative light – they’re simply ways to describe his personality – they become important when viewed within the larger context of the ways in which he’s criticized and the reasons for said criticism.

Now, these critiques obviously aren’t new in hockey, and they aren’t only leveled at Martin. Rather, these should sound extremely familiar, particularly to anyone who’s ever had a European player on their roster. How many times have we seen the word “soft” used to negatively characterize a player (often from Europe), after all?

With all of this in mind, it is my firm belief that Paul Martin wouldn’t be the subject of nearly as much criticism if he played a more physical game and if he were a bigger hitter. Just as Brooks Orpik gets a free pass for his numerous mistakes (and, uhh, there have really been plenty of those this year, guys) because he doesn’t hesitate to lay someone out in the neutral zone, Martin absorbs even more finger-pointing because he doesn’t engage in those highlight-reel affirmations of masculinity. Martin also doesn’t have goal-scoring and flashiness to fall back on like his most recent defensive partner, Kris Letang, who also regularly throws the body (and who also somehow escaped the wrath of fans after his playoff meltdown).

He’s an anomaly in the Penguins defensive corps with regards to hitting, especially with the departure of Zbynek Michalek (who was often the subject of similar criticism and performed far worse than Martin over the course of the year but never became the target of such concentrated hatred and ire).

Again, I don’t mean to suggest that Martin be immune from legitimate criticism (Paul, might want to mention your concussion symptoms right away and not hold the puck so long sometimes…). But what we’ve seen happen is an irrational fan hatred whose flames were fanned by social media and fueled by our bias, especially in Pittsburgh, toward more Orpik-style hockey. And it’s really, really embarrassing. Here’s a guy who has stated he wants to remain in Pittsburgh and acknowledged that things didn’t always go as planned this past year, and instead of fan support, he gets a slew of disgusting personal attacks in the form of a trendy hashtag. Way to go, guys.

Ray Shero came into the NHL Draft saying he’d like to trade 1 or 2 defensemen, and to the dismay of many, Zbynek Michalek was sent away while Martin remained. Shero has stated he’s not “actively shopping” Martin despite other teams’ inquiries, but we’ll see what the future holds. The numbers, as well as public statements, would seem to indicate that Ray Shero and Dan Bylsma have faith in Paul Martin, and those same numbers tell a story that will disappoint his haters. If he’s back in Pittsburgh in the fall, I’m fully confident he’s going to play steady, solid defense – even if it’s never going to be enough to satisfy a lot of people here in Pittsburgh. And if he’s gone, I sincerely hope he lands someplace where the fan base will know better than to engage in such disproportionate, disappointing scapegoating.

I’m sure you’re probably laughing, but I really don’t care. Joke’s on you. #knowledgeispowerbabygirl

In a great turn of events, my ears have finally stopped ringing from the boos that flooded the arena whenever the Philadelphia Flyers were on the board to make their next selection. Nail Yakupov was taken first overall, as was expected, and the weekend was full of an excitement and energy I’d never before experienced firsthand. And now that the dust has had a little time to settle, let’s take a look at what the Pittsburgh Penguins did, ‘cause they certainly made some noise of their own.

The Penguins were slated to make their opening selection with the 22nd pick. After the Minnesota Wild were called up to make their first-round choice with the 7th pick, I left the media area to rejoin some friends with whom I’ll be sharing a season ticket package this coming year. We chatted for a while and caught up, getting ourselves ready for the Carolina Hurricanes’ pick. And then Gary Bettman approached the podium as he had done earlier to announce deals like Višňovský to the Isles and Ribeiro to the Capitals. He had, it seemed, another announcement to make, one “of particular interest” to the crowd on Friday night.

At that moment, Jordan Staal, who had earlier in the week rejected a contract extension that the Penguins put in front of him, was shipped to Raleigh, North Carolina, where he and his brother, Eric, will suit up together in the fall.  The crowd roared, partially in disbelief, partially in celebration of what the Penguins got in return in the form of Brandon Sutter, defensive prospect Brian Dumoulin, and Carolina’s 8th pick. It was a truly electric moment that I felt lucky to be able to experience from inside Consol.

Oh, and it was also Jordan Staal’s wedding night. (Side note: girl, why you gettin’ married on a Friday?) With that 8th pick, the Pittsburgh Penguins selected defenseman Derrick Pouliot, a puck-moving defenseman who doesn’t have a ton of size but possesses quite a bit of skill. He fits right up in the same class as Despres, Morrow, and Harrington, all recent draft choices made by the Pens. As I told my friends, Ray Shero certainly has a type.

When it came time to choose again, they nabbed Olli Määttä, yet another defenseman. He’s bigger, he’s stronger, and he’s going to need to work on his skating, but he was, in my view, a pretty solid choice.

I was frankly a little surprised he was still available when the 22nd pick came around, but there were certainly plenty of surprises in the department of folks who went lower than anticipated (see: Forsberg, Grigorenko).

The Penguins weren’t done, though, after the first round had come to a close. While most folks were leaving (or had already left) Consol for the night, Ray Shero was making trips back and forth between his seat and the Phoenix Coyotes’ table on the floor. Speculation seemed to point to a deal for Keith Yandle, but he wasn’t part of the trade that was concluded. Alas, one of my favorite Penguins, Zbyněk Michálek, was sent back to the desert in exchange for Harrison Ruopp, Marc Cheverie, and a 3rd round pick. It’s clear that this was a move to free up cap space. If there were whispers of the Penguins trying to land Parise and/or Suter after the Staal move, this trade certainly dispelled any doubts about it.

On Saturday, which was rather anti-climactic after Friday’s insanity, the Pens grabbed the following players in the remaining rounds: Teodors Blueger (C), Oskar Sundqvist (C), Matt Murray (G), Matia Marcantuoni (C), Sean Maguire (G), Clark Seymour (D), Anton Zlobin (RW). Heavy up the middle, another defenseman, and a winger with their final pick. No real complaints from me, save the question of whether or grabbing a winger a little sooner might have been beneficial. But, hey, this is all a guessing game on some level, anyway, so there you go.

On a personal note, I’d like to thank Craig and Doug, and the NHL for allowing me to attend the Draft on my home turf. It was full of unforgettable moments and experiences (you know, like meeting Patrick and Brian Burke and thanking them for their efforts, which tops the long list), and I hope to be fortunate enough to attend again sometime in the future. I’d also like to send a shout-out to all of the lovely people that I met and to those whom I was very, very happy to see again after meeting in Toronto last month.

Before signing off, I’d also like to thank Jordan Staal and Zbyněk Michálek for their contributions to the Pittsburgh Penguins.

Jordan Staal was an integral part of the Penguins roster; he will be missed. He helped bring the Stanley Cup back to Pittsburgh, and his tireless work at both ends of the ice will never, ever be forgotten. And he deserves a special mention for doing all of these things with Tyler Kennedy on his wing much of the time. Just a couple pieces of advice, Jordan: never let your hair get that long again, keep rocking that backhand shot high to the glove side, and try not to hurt anyone who’s standing 2 feet to either side of the net when you inevitably miss a one-timer from the slot or circles.

Zbyněk Michálek spent 2 years with the Penguins and, in his first season, displayed the kind of shot-blocking, stay-at-home defense that the Pens were sorely lacking. His second season was rockier; he never quite found the same form that he had during his first year. That said, I know I’ll miss him back on the blue line or, perhaps more accurately, sprawled out on the ice at the edge of the crease in an attempt to block a pass or shot on the penalty kill. He’ll do well back in Phoenix just as he did before he came to Pittsburgh. I have to think he’ll enjoy being back out in Czech Republic West and wish him nothing but the best.

Next up for me? Giving Penguins fans a serious tongue-lashing in response to the whack-ass, embarrassing #smearPaulMartincampaign that set Twitter aflame.

Carson Daly was minding his own business and hosting TRL on MTV back when, you know, I guess people still cared and watched MTV. Everything was normal and going as scheduled, but a moment before cutting to commercial, a woman started to sing. Carson and the audience were obviously surprised, and from behind the curtain emerged Mariah Carey, dressed in an oversided t-shirt she probably got from the airbrushing stand at Six Flags while eating a giant turkey leg and pushing an ice cream cart she likely stole from a terrified and perplexed vendor on 41st and Broadway.

And for the next 3 to 4 minutes, she meandered about the studio discussing how this was her much-needed moment of therapy and, naturally, disrobing and making absolutely zero sense. You could see Carson and the audience begin to fear for their own safety as she passed out half-melted Drumsticks.

Mariah Carey was having an epic meltdown live and in front of everyone’s eyes, and it was a God damn mess.

And, really, that’s kind of what happened to the Pittsburgh Penguins in the first round of the 2012 Stanley Cup Playoffs: a meltdown. The Pens were poised for a deep playoff run, and many experts touted them as Cup favorites (which is a sure way to curse a team, but hey). Everyone knew the series against the Flyers was going to be tough, but nothing went down the way anyone expected.

Game 1 started out in promising fashion with the Penguins jumping out to a 3-0 lead. They were skating, they were hitting, they were going north and not giving up much the other way. In short, they were playing the kind of hockey that made the experts seem like the oracle at Delphi. Maybe the series wasn’t going to be so tough after all, you know?

False. Leave it to Danny Briere to give the Flyers life, despite the fact that he was obviously offside. The Flyers put another behind Fleury to make it 3-2, and things suddenly got a lot more interesting. Jordan Staal hits the pipe and fails to put the Penguins up 4-2, and the Flyers even it up. Letang and Staal stand around in OT and Voracek pops home the winner. The Pens lose a home game in the playoffs after being up by 3 goals. Oh, here go hell come.

Really, that set the tone for the whole series. For whatever reason, the Penguins forgot how to play team defense and Marc-André Fleury turned in a Gigli-like performance in net which led to them bowing out to the Flyers in 6 games. The series didn’t look anything like the others that were being played. The Pens somehow managed to put ten goals behind a combination of Flyers goalies in game 4 to avoid elimination.

The team to score first lost every game before game 6. The Flyers power play cashed in on over half of their (numerous) chances. The Penguins gave up a ton of shorthanded goals. Again, nothing made any sense.

I waited a while to post something because I wanted to take the time to just sit back and watch what would happen after the Penguins got bounced.

Between the finger-pointing and moaning of Penguins fans and the pants-creaming of the rest of the league, it sure has been an interesting week. I’m not going to go on at length about it all, but I want to touch on a few key points:

1.) Marc-André Fleury played like he did the last few weeks of the season. Which, you know, was like crap. I mentioned it in my previous post, and it didn’t get any better. My take is that he was tired, frankly. We didn’t give him much rest this year with Johnson hurt and a reluctance to play Thiessen, which came back to bite us in the cul.

To be sure, this isn’t all on his shoulders, but this wasn’t the same guy who made back-to-back Cup runs a few years ago. Even so, the amount of criticism from pundits and fans alike is laughable. It was the series his haters were waiting for so they could scream, “TOLD YOU SO!” from the mountain tops. Which, fine, feel free and have a good-ass time doing it. But I’m pretty sure this is an exception, not the rule, going forward.

2.) The Penguins forwards didn’t bother doing a damn thing in their own zone. The centers were especially bad, actually, and Jordan Staal being lazy and out of position for the OT goal in game 1 was a perfect illustration of this.

Letang and Fleury

3.) Kris Letang was embarrassing. He was the worst Penguins defenseman not named Ben Lovejoy, yet he’s somehow escaping criticism. For all the fingers pointing at Paul Martin, it was actually his partner in crime who was making most of the positional mistakes and, more importantly, losing his composure. Just disappointing, and note that the same problems persisted even after Martin went down with an injury and didn’t play in the final 3 games of the series.

Remember how I said the Penguins could win in 5 if they did three things, the most important of which was to stay out of the penalty box? Yeah, well, they didn’t do that, and look where we are now. The complete and utter lack of discipline came back to bite them, and they only have themselves to blame. I really don’t have any problem saying it, and it’s not like they aren’t painfully aware of it, you know?

GM Ray Shero

The offseason will, per usual, lead to some interesting discussions and changes. But the funny part is, to me, that the adjustments that need to be made are more mental than anything.

I don’t think there’s any need to hit a panic button and completely overhaul things. I don’t think Shero needs to ship out Martin and Michalek (uh, remember 2 years ago?), and I don’t think they need to re-think the 3-center model. I do, however, think they need to consider their attitude and their approach going forward.

Now, as for the rest of the league in these playoffs? Kings and Coyotes will battle for the West crown, and the Flyers and Rangers will duke it out for the East (much to my chagrin since I’m pulling for the Devils). I do think (and hope) that the Cup winner will be the team that comes out of the West.

God, I hate being on the sidelines this soon.

Follow Adam on twitter. Do it now! @adamkno

Take the Flyers’ 19.7%-effective power play (and Hartnell’s 16 PP tallies) out of the equation and you’re a giant leap ahead. Ensure that your own 19.7%-effective power play converts on its handful of chances, that’s a series-changer.

Finally, remind Bryzgalov that he’s been average (at best) in the playoffs by planting a seed of doubt and reminding him he should fear 71, 87, 18, 14, 9, and 11 just as much as brown bears trolling the forest for fresh meat and drunken campers.

That being said, I don’t expect that it will play out quite as nicely as that. Realistically, I see this being a 6- or even 7-game tilt, and I side with my Penguins. I have a deep pit in my stomach when I think about this matchup because I don’t think any other team in the NHL matches up as nicely against us as they do.  In fact, I think that the winner of this series is probably going to be your contender out of the East and probably the Stanley Cup champion (sit down, Vancouver).

Last year I wanted to play Tampa and we went out with a whimper. Granted, our roster was a hot mess of injuries that landed Mark Letestu on the top line, so it’s not even a really fair comparison, but I tend to think that the Penguins step up to the plate when up against the best. We’ve taken out the Flyers very, very recently in the playoffs, and I expect the tone of this series to be quite similar. It’s going to be high-quality hockey from both sides, but I have to like a team whose core won the Cup a handful of years ago. And despite some kind of meh goaltending from Fleury in the closing week and a half (he was brilliant prior to that), he steps it up when it matters. Always. He’s due for one bad game per series, but he has a history of bouncing back from those in dramatic fashion.

I hate that one of these two teams won’t see the second round. I loathe the Flyers more than pretty much any other team in the league, but it will be a damn shame to see such a strong, talented team go home so early if they (hopefully) don’t survive against the Penguins. But, um, know what? Too fucking bad.

I want to roll over the Flyers so I can point at laugh at Bryzgalov’s giant contract, giggle at Jagr choosing them over the Penguins (even if I really don’t care that much and think he did what was best for him), and chortle as I remember that we’ve ended the Flyers’ Cup dreams yet again.

I’m wearing Penguins socks, my Paul Martin shirt (he’s going to score a key goal during the Cup run, just you wait), and I have a lawn sign taped in my front window above three statues of Mary. I’m ready for the best time of year to begin.

Oh, and what about those other series? Here’s my take:

EASTERN CONFERENCE

1. New York vs. 8. Ottawa

Ottawa could beat New York. They might get close. But I think Lundqvist shuts the door and the Rangers advance in 6.

2. Boston vs. 7. Washington

You know, I don’t think this will be the cake walk a lot of people think it should be for the Bruins if the Capitals just say, “Fuck it,” and fly. They should still move on in 6.

3. Florida vs. 6. New Jersey

Devils in 5. Sorry, I love you, Florida, and Fleischmann kind of makes me wet, but let’s be real.

WESTERN CONFERENCE

1. Vancouver vs. 8. Los Angeles

Kings in 7. Shut up, I’m serious.

2. St. Louis vs. 7. San Jose

I actually struggle with this one. Blues in 7.

3. Phoenix vs. 6. Chicago

Mike Smith and Radim Vrbata send the Blackhawks packing and remind them why a good goalie is, you know, kind of a big deal.

4. Nashville vs. 5. Detroit

I can’t be the only one who thinks the Red Wings aren’t exactly done yet. Red Wings in 7.

No matter who you’re cheering for, Follow Adam on Twitter: @adamkno