Ah, summer. Those pointless, hot and buggy several months without hockey. Thank god that’s over with. Time to put away the short-shorts, man up, and get down to the real meat and potatoes of the year. Pre-season games are already underway and memories of all those things I did to kill time so this summer would fly by are already fading. Those barbecues and lobsterbakes, kayaking, hiking, wine tastings, all the time playing in my garden (as well as, for pay, in other people’s gardens) were just a way to kick the can down the road till October 1 and the start of the regular season.

So what’s up with the Canadiens this year? Your guess is as good as mine. But I’m thinking it’s going to be a great year. Why so optimistic? Because look at last year. I mean before the flame out in the playoffs. Coach Therrien, much to my surprise, did turn the team around from last place to a 2^nd place finish in the East in the regular season. With many of the same players from the previous year no less.

This year’s roster looks very similar to the previous year too. There’s a lot of skill wearing bleu-blanc-et-rouge. What I’m looking forward to is seeing how much more developed some of our hotshot youngsters have gotten over the summer – keep an eye on Gallagher, Galchenyuk, and Eller as they blossom into big boys.

PK Subban, Mr. 2012-13 Norris Trophy, thank you very much, should be even more dazzling – and mature – this season. Carey Price will be back in net and, assuming his wedding over the summer didn’t sap his hockey hormones, will no doubt do right by Montreal. I’m standing by man. But I’m also glad Peter Budaj is there as a solid back up net nanny just in case. Hey, we might even get a rise out of the old farts on the team too – Markov, Gionta, and Plekanec can put a little more giddyup in their game and no one will complain. Too much.

Management has also tried to address two obvious weaknesses of the team – lack of strong defence and overall decidely un-Bruinish level of thuggishness – by bringing in veterans Daniel Briere, Douglas Murray, and George “It’s always Movember” Parros. I had been hoping for a little more young star-power than these re-treads but I’ll gladly eat my words if time proves these were good additions. I’m guessing the idea was to bring in some experienced players to sync with the young stars we do have. Still, I was let down that the Habs didn’t draft a 7 foot tall Cro-Magnon man to counter Captain Chara of the Evil Empire. I’ll have to drop a little note in the GM’s suggestion box so maybe he can address that issue in next year’s draft.

No doubt it will be another year of Therrien fiddling with lines till he comes up with the perfects combos. Even more likely will be a whole season of Twitterites bemoaning some of the line experiments. Que sera sera. With the largest fan base of any NHL it will be hard to please everyone. I judge by results.

So are we a contender for the cup? You know, I think so. I really do. I feel it in my bones. That other tingling in my bones besides arthritis which I’m solving now thanks to this article I read Joint Pain Hack review.

It’s our time to shine. It’s been, what, 20 years now. We’ve been nice and let others play with our cup. But play time is over. I think come June 2014 we will see the great hockey towns of North America flaming out, angels singing over the Saint Lawrence River, the billowing and glowing clouds will part and the Gods of Hockey shall deliver to the Habs faithful a tall, shiny chalice named Stanley. Hopefully it will also absolve us of our sins as it’s gonna be a long, rough season.

You may have wondered what I may have been doing while I’ve been AWOL from writing Habs articles for the bestest and gayest hockey site on the entire interent. The short answer is that I’ve been going through the stages of grief as the Habs’ season has continued its agonizing implosion.

The stages have gone like this:

It started with the rending of clothes and obsessive house cleaning like a deluxemaid. I then proceeded onward to the “why me, oh lord, why my team?” stage. There was a long stretch of disbelief (a/k/a denial), followed by a brief manic explosion of hope, and then the dark days of January and February where I turned catatonic. When I snapped out of that I was bitter and looking for people to blame. There was plenty of blame to go around. The angst felt like it was crushing my very will to keep watching the train wreck. But I persevered, having now watched all but 4 Habs games this season. The return of Markov rallied my spirits, but that proved to be brief and illusory.

By late March I have settled into the melancholy, jilted lover mode. Dust covers everything in the house. Cobwebs have filled in the corners. And I, I sit in front of the TV on game nights, periodically gazing at the 24 mini replica cups on the table and wistfully moan. Miss Havisham has nothing on this bitch.

But not for one second did I ever considering abandoning my team even though it was clear for a long time this season was going nowhere. I noticed that this has been the prevailing sentiment of my Twitter friends who are Habs fans.

There has been no stampede to exit the virtual, online Bell Centre before the end of the game. I have heard no one say “Gee, the Habs suck this year, I guess I’ll become a Leafs fan” or “Maybe those Bruins aren’t so bad after all”.

Max Pacioretty

There doesn’t seem to be any clear, single reason for the lousy season. We’ve been losing a lot obviously, but not losing by much usually, and lots of OT’s and stupid shoot outs.

It appears that there’s a combination of mediocrity and numerous crappy factors that have all mixed together, with tragic results.  If I were to choose two of the biggest issues I would say the coaching (both Martin and Cunneyworth as well as some of the assistants) and the defence have been the two major factors. But nothing stands out as completely bad, just that there’s mediocrity across the board.

Josh Gorges and David Desharnais

Or almost across the board. There have been some stand out players for sure. Price has done an amazing job in net- which would reflect in his stats if he had a little help – any help – from the defence. Cole and Pacioretty have both now scored 30+ goals each and given the fans something to cheer about.

David Desharnais (despite his diminutive stature, roll eyes, as I’ve heard too many times this year) has been great too. Gorges has been one ray of hope in front of Price.

But, um, other than that, we start to go downhill from there. Emelin and Eller have been surprisingly positive but uneven contributors.

Tomas Plekanec

Subban is improving his game slowly but it is agonizingly slow. Plekanec hasn’t shined this year – if half of the breakaway chances he’s had this year became goals he’d be king – but he’s a good workhorse in setting up plays and assists. And I like his hot green coffee East European sizzle. Leblanc and White have added some missing skills to the team. So there’s a core of players to whip till morale improves, I mean to rebuild with for a better team next year. The rest are pretty much expendable – especially that sad sack Scott “one goal” Gomez if that were possible. But we’ll see if the Habs even stick with and sign Subban and Price when their contracts are up soon.

In the last month or so the Habs have gotten noticeably more assertive. As in more heavy checking and fighting. I don’t know if it’s out of desperation at this point or if it’s an acknowledgement that the soft touch in the first half of the season didn’t do us any favours. There’s been plenty of experimentation in lines and power play combos, all to no avail. The General Manager, Gauthier, was recently fired, and the current coach was never meant to be more than a place holder for the rest of the season. So next season we’ll see a total change at top. And no doubt a lot of change in the player line up. Maybe they’ll figure it out.

Meanwhile, in Montreal and the far flung Hab hinterlands, the gloom that has set in is forecast to lighten up upon the final death of the season in a couple of weeks and the beginning of a new team. It will be strange to not have a post season, like usual. And I’m at a complete loss as to who support in the playoffs besides whoever is playing against the Bruins. Cheering on other East teams just doesn’t come naturally to me.

Fortunately, the Leafs aren’t going to be in the playoffs so there won’t be that awkward moment when I’m asked to support the Leafs in the playoffs and I have to say sorry dude, I don’t swing that way.  It’s safe though to support Western teams – and I hope for the best for the Wings and Canucks. The Wings have shrewdly snatched up some of UMaine Black Bears’ finest alumni so they have my whole hearted support.

Carey Price

The Habs fan family has been very supportive of each other and that has helped us all through the dark times. Over the summer we can collect ourselves and work through the final stage of grief. That would be accepting the fact we just did not have enough cute players on the team this year. Price carrying all the hunkiness factor AND being both goaltender and 4/5 of the defence is a lot for one man to bear all on his own. So while I ride off into the sunset with Carey for the summer, Molson better get us an awesome coach, a new GM, and some better, stronger, faster, bigger, and cuter players for us for next year.

Follow Matt Skolnikoff on Twitter: @mattsko

“When you live in a small town like I do you get used to being a character in a never ending soap opera where even the smallest details of your life are not only noticed but are discussed in intimate detail, subject to wild speculation peddled as fact, and ultimately argued about in vehement terms by two sides that are willing to stake their first born children, life savings, and beer can collections (sorry, that was redundant) on the outcome of their fervently held yet intellectually impoverished opinions. Celebrities get similar treatment. And so do hockey teams. The only difference is that in small towns people pick you apart if you succeed and with hockey teams they tear you apart if you are losing.

This year the Habs have been the stars of what can only be called a parody of a mockumentary about a reality show about a professional hockey club.

Halfway through the season and we’re still #24 in the NHL, we’re almost to the point where it would be impossible to get into the playoffs even if we won every single game here on out, beset by injuries, have multi-million dollar players playing at Bantam league calibre, and management that makes the Keystone Kops look like a viable crime fighting force. What makes this even more unbearable to the Habs fan base is that we are not used to being in this position. The Blue Jackets we are not.

To add insult to injury, we are now the laughing stock of even serious hockey fans for management decisions that included firing an assistant coach on the day of a game (to little effect), firing the coach right before a game (which was long overdue and will no doubt pay off in the long run), and now firing (OK, trading) a first line player DURING a game. As a part-time management consultant I can only roll my eyes at the poorly executed and very publicly humiliating ways in which the Habs executives have pulled off some of their decisions. The decisions I mostly I agree with, the method and timing I most certainly do not. If the Habs were indeed just a reality TV show trying to one backstab-up other shows for ratings that would be one thing but this kind of melodrama doesn’t improve ratings or sell merchandise. Hockey is, has been pointed many times, a business after all.

If you were hoping that you’d be reading an article analyzing all the many factors contributing to the Habs craptacular season then you’ve come to the wrong place. Likewise, if you were hoping to hear the dying wails from a die-hard Habs fan you won’t get satisfaction from me. I can flog myself, throw myself on my bed and bite my pillow, and jab my Chara voodoo doll full of pins on my own time, thank you.

Instead, the rah-rah-rah-sis-boom-bah cheerleader complete with miniskirt, push up bra, and tastefully coordinated pom poms is coming out! That’s right! We’re going to talk about positive highlights that give Habs fans a modicum of dignity and hope for the future. Here’s what I can come with:

1. COACH MARTIN was fired. Though the positive effects have not been as immediate as hoped I think in the long run getting rid of the coach that put together astonishingly idiotic lines; favoured poor, veteran players over better, young ones; apparently did not work the team hard enough or intelligently enough; and inspired no confidence by the team or its devotees will be positive.

Lars Eller

2. SOME PLAYERS are doing well. It gets lost by the fact that others are not doing well and because of said bizarre line combinations that don’t meld skills well. But my hat is off to Price, Eller, Cole, Moen, Pacioretty, Kostistyn, and Gorges.

3. THE RIVALRY issue seems to have been getting more settled. Get with the program, folks: The Bruins are our main enemy not the Leafs. From a purely hockey stand point the Bruins are not only our nemesis (how many playoff rounds have we had to go with them?) but our opposite.

Over the years I’ve noticed they play a style of hockey that is very different from the Habs’ style. You could say that the Bruins style is superior in that they won the cup last year and they are #3 so far this year. But the Bruins style of hockey is not the goonish style of hockey that I, or most Montreal, Maritime, and Maine fans like to watch. The only reasons I see anyone thinking of the Leafs as our bete noir anymore is out of ancient tradition (get over it, girls!) and the never-ending Toronto-Montreal and Anglo-Francophone hostilities that I, as an American, gladly do not have to take part in.

4. MY BIRTHDAY. The Habs gave me the best birthday present I can think of, other than Carey Price in my candlelit boudoire asking me to drive one hard into his crease, on January 4th with a spectacular win over the Jets that featured a hat trick by cute blond twink Lars Eller – topped off by an amazing penalty shot said same Eller managed to get past the Jets’ goalie with both skill and a little over the top finish. Video clip here.

5. CAMMALLERI TRADED. I have been shouting in favour of this for over a month now, as my Twitter buddies can attest to. And now it is finally done. That it was done in such a dramatic and humiliating way I’m not so cool with but he had it coming and it was, ultimately, a fittingly dramatic end for a drama queen. I’d like to think that the Habs finally listened to me because the team is owned by Geoff Molson and my, um, very enthusiastic support of their products during my years living in Montreal bought me a seat at the table. Hockey is a business. And beer drinking used to be mine.

Cammalleri, known affectionately or derisively as Cammy (or even Tammi!), was a prima donna that was all chiseled good looks and bags of beauty products in the lockeroom for touch ups during intermissions but not, in my opinion, much of a hockey player. His playoff glory days now behind him, the last two years have been nothing but a disappointment. Being an almost useless six million dollar a year man on a team that is up against the salary cap and needing fresh talent has been one of many impediments to future glory.

Rene Bourque

We sent Cammy, a reserve goalie I’ve never even heard of, and a #5 2012 draft pick to Calgary for Rene Bourque, Patrick Holland, and a #2 2013 draft pick. I like this trade, for many reasons besides getting rid of deadweight.

We got a bigger player (which we sorely need), a higher round draft pick (which will be good for the multi-year rebuilding process), and got a player that likes to shoot on net a lot and from areas the Habs are notoriously weak in.

But almost more importantly we got value. Someone on Twitter today pointed out that although Cammy and Bourque have similar numbers of goals in recent years the fact that Bourque’s salary is almost half that of Cammy’s means we got the same amount of goals (in theory) for almost half the price. You don’t need a fancy management degree from an Ivy League graduate school like I do to realize that makes sense.

Also, because the Habs were up against the salary cap and we just downsized our payroll we will now have the funds to retain Price with the salary he deserves (and no doubt will demand if he is to stay in Montreal) when the time comes later this year to renew his contract. One of the only things keeping the Habs from being at rock bottom is Carey Price. We need to (and now can afford to) keep him while we retool the rest of the team.

Getting rid of Cammy was also good because of the distraction he was causing the team. Apparently he was not well liked by his teammates, his vanity and ego turned off many people, and his recent comments to the press about the team having a “losing mentality” were not helpful. For a guy who was not scoring or assisting on goals, not checking or hitting, and basically not giving his all to the team it was a tad hypocritical and over the top on his part to say what he did. There is no “i” in team, Tammi. Pack your beauty bags and go!

6. GREAT FANS. The Habs fans are a great bunch of people and it’s been a blast  getting to know more people with the same passion that I have for a team that will, mark my words, return the cup back home to Montreal one day soon. Especially nice to get to know Habs fans in the Maritimes! But I must say that I have yet to come across any other Habs fans who are gay and that makes me sad. It strange, because I know I’m not the only queen who loves the Canadiens!”

His or Her Royal Highness, Matthew, commands you to follow him on twitter: @mattsko

“What a difference a week makes in the life of the Canadiens. And their fan base. When we last left off, the Habs were #29 in the NHL and going nowhere fast.

A dismal pre-season turned into a one victory regular season through the first eight games. Much of Montreal, one of North America’s largest cities, was, I heard, morose. 

No doubt vandalism and assault rates skyrocketed in the C.U.M. (Communite Urbain de Montreal) as fans took their frantic frustration and angst worthy of an army of Sartre characters out on both animate and inanimate objects around them. I, myself, was reduced to rending my clothes, pulling my hair, and muttering obscenities in both English and French while staring at the wall instead of working.

Many bloggers and journalists were calling for the coach’s head. On October 16th the Habs took on the Flyers. The first period passed by agonizingly slow with hardly any SOGs by either team. Plekanec looked like he was skating about as fast I can (that is not a compliment) and the Habs defence seemed absent minded as usual. I rolled my eyes.

Max Pacioretty

But then the second period started and there was a noticeable pick up in the pace of the game. Sloppy still, but faster. Then Kostistyn got a garbage goal, followed quickly by a pretty goal by Pacioretty – surprising everyone since he had an injured wrist and no one expected him to even play that night. Price was no longer flopping around like a bee got under his gear but diving and sliding like the skilled goaltender we know and love.

There were, for once, even noticeable attempts at defending the goal by defencemen. Cole was like a man on fire all of a sudden. I went from quivering in excitement, to trembling, and eventually to convulsions as I watched my team finally get it together. With the additional goals by Cammy, Cole, and a second one from Paci the Habs won the game 5-1 and Price got his 100th winning game. After the game Price said that Paci “had some pretty big nuts playing injured”. Maybe so, I’ll never know, but big nuts or not the Habs turned their game around.

Up next were two games against the arch-rival Bruins. Though the Bruins were not having a great start to their season either, they are the reigning Stanley Cup Champs and beat up on the Habs fairly consistently last year. I figured there would be a lot of penalties and fighting in the two games.

P.K. Subban

The first game didn’t start off well, with Plekanec basically scoring a goal on Price off a faceoff to give the Bruins the first goal of the game. Not good. The Bruins seemed to focus in on slamming Subban as often as they could, his goading possibly being the cause of it. Nevertheless, the Bruins kept falling for it and racking up penalties. Marchand and Subban had a game stopping fight, which they later laughed off in post-game interviews. Which is pretty big of them considering it was a laughable fight. Cole got a goal. But then there was lots of back and forth, but no penetration, through the rest of the second.

Tomas Plekanec

Price performed a miracle save on a Bergeron breakaway and I actually saw Diaz defending the goal effectively. All good signs. In the third the pace picked up further and the Habs, despite having a problem winning faceoffs, kept hammering the Bruins goal and poking every one of their holes till finally Pleky slammed one in. In the right net this time. Habs won 2-1. And I had to have a post-game cigarette because it felt like I just had 60 minutes of rough sex.

In fact, winning against the Bruins, in my book, is almost better than sex.

The second game against the Bruins started out where the last one left off. Frantic and speedy to and fro. Surprisingly, the first penalty didn’t come till 16 minutes into the game. Pleky scored on that power play, with Eller scoring about a minute later to bring the Habs up 2-0. The Bruins were noticeably getting agitated and kept pulling their harassment and roughing antics both during play and after the whistle was blown.

In the second period Desharnaies got a goal shortly before Eller missed a wide open B’s net. The Bruins scored and then denied a Paci breakaway. The B’s goaltender came way out and threw himself under Paci’s skates, sending him and the puck flying to the end boards. Apparently the only reason this was legal was because the goal tender managed to touch the puck first. In the third, the Bruins came out hitting and slamming, driving hard shots down low. With 1:46 left in the game Seguin scored for the Bruins. But Pleky came back and answered with an empty net goal to end the game with a 4-2 victory.

Erik Cole

So what on earth turned the Habs around? No one had a definitive explanation. Factors that contributed to the 3 game winning streak included: Plekanec and Cole playing like they were on fire, the firing of an assistant coach in charge of special teams, Carey Price getting rid of his pink leg pads (such much for breast cancer awareness – pink and hockey apparently just don’t mix), Gomez (who had been a big hole in the defence) being injured and out, actually putting defencemen in front of Price, and more coordination of plays.  My moving my lucky Habs beer cozy to a new lucky location in my living room no doubt helped out as well. Feng shui, baby!

Goaltender Carey Price

But I think the main reason for the turnaround was due to psychology. Confidence, and the focus of keeping your eyes on the prize, returned. “That’s all it took, just a couple of wins. Now the guys are excited to go to the rink again” Carey Price was quoted as saying. I’m wondering if the Canadiens didn’t hire some sports psychologists to work with the team to get them back into the winning mood in the first place though. Then after that win after win after win it just wound the team up into a force, finally, to be reckoned with. Hal Gill described obtaining the positive or virtuous cycle of success a little differently:

“God, I hate confidence, because you need confidence to win and you get confidence when you start winning,” Gill said. “It’s more about trust in your teammates and playing as a team than confidence. With that, you get confidence as a team together. That’s what we need.” (from an article on NHL.com by Arpon Basu). But it’s got to start somewhere!

Creepiest.Hockey.Pic.Ever

I also think that the evil Chara jinxed the Bruins by wearing a pink bunny suit for a charitable event before the two games against the Habs.

Pink, as I said before, just doesn’t mix with hockey for some reason. The photos of him in the silly suit were widely circulated before the game and no doubt Habs players saw them and saw their opponent in a new, and vulnerable, light.

Better watch out, Markov is coming back!

Markov is now back in Montreal and should be good to join the team later in the month. With him back, and if Cammy and Gionta step up their game, the Habs will be looking really good.

However, what seems a mystery to most people is why did Carey’s Price game improved so much recently – to the point he was named one of the three stars of the NHL last week. I have the answer to that too.

I dressed up as a female teenage fan. Donned a wig, slapped some diamond studs in my ears, put on my favorite sweatshirt, grabbed my taupe vinyl handbag I wouldn’t normally be caught dead wearing in public and headed down to the rink to give Carey a good luck kiss. 

And THAT’S all it took to turn the Habs around. There’s NOTHING I won’t do for my team! Me and Carey sitting in a tree…”

Follow Matt, or that hot chick on twitter: @mattsko

Ce n’est pas moi ou ma maison

When I’m depressed I clean. I take out my vacuum cleaner and do the sad back and forth. My house has never been cleaner. A friend asked me “Why so glum, chum?” and all I could do was look over at my Canadiens beer cozy and my eyes welled up. He told me that maybe I should let the straight guys worry about professional sports and get on with my life.

After rolling my eyes in disgust I told him sports has nothing to do with being gay or straight.  Habs fan are used to being cocky and full of bravado, deservedly so in most years.  But this is not most years. The team has won something like 2 games, including the pre-season, and is now 29th in the NHL with only the Blue Jackets faring worse.

Telling a Habs fan “it gets better” is not an easy sell since there seems so little to hope for at the moment. After being #1 during many years, telling a Habs fan they are #29 elicits the same response (anger, denial, hate) as you would get if you told a red state citizen that no, actually the US is now only #1 in the categories of total amount of national debt and nuclear weapons.

Let’s review the highlights and lowlights from the three games…

SABRES 10/18: The Habs lost 3-1 despite the fact that they outshot the Sabres with 41 to 23 shots on goal. Diaz lost his virginity and got his first NHL career goal. The Habs seemed fast and aggressive but coordination amongst the players appeared haphazard.

Max Pacioretty est flexible

The defence kept leaving Price wide open to the Sabres advances, though Price was working his ass off flopping around the net and dropping to his knees. Subban exhibited tons of energy but no focus. Max Pacioretty deservedly got 2 stars for his 27 shots fired at Miller. But one player does not a team make, and I wondered why Plekanec and Gionta weren’t doing their fair share of the play making – especially since Cammaleri was out due to an injury. The Montreal power play was lackluster and unproductive, a fact made worse by the appearance that the Habs were relying solely on power plays for making goals.

PENGUINS 10/20: Coach Martin had reportedly been yelling at he team and extending practices but the result was still disappointing: Another 3-1 loss, despite the return of Cammaleri to the lineup.

Carey Price

Price seemed to be playing in slow motion and once AGAIN seemed to be defending the net all by himself – the defence just standing around and watching the Pens shoot on goal. I lost count of how many times the Habs iced the puck.

The Penguins, smelly Antarctic water fowl that they are, were hitting hard. Gomez was injured and left the game. Pacioretty also got injured but came back shortly afterwards. Gionta bowled Fleury over and miraculously was not penalized. The Pens led in all stats by the end of the game and sent the Habs packing.

MAPLE LEAFS 10/22: Gionta once again pulled his goalie roughing stunt, smacking Reimer in the face and sending him out of the game. Hardly of the same caliber as the infamous Chara hit on Pacioretty last year, but cringe worthy even for a Habs fan.

Brian Gionta

One Leafs’ fan’s comment that Montreal should be burned down in retaliation I thought was overboard – an offensive. Moen’s short handed goal early in the first period restored my team spirit but anger over the hit on Reimer was palatable and Price was the target of the Leafs’ wrath even though he wasn’t the one that made the hit.

At one point Grabowski actually mounted Price’s face, something that I think he should have left for me to do after the game. The Leafs also seemed unusually focused on ramming Subban every chance they got, beating down Montreal’s haphazard defence even more.

Travis Moen

The Habs kept getting penalties, including twice for too many men on the ice – incroyable! The game was fast and extremely aggressive, as I predicted. The power play continued to be pointless (zero shots on goal) and the icings abundant.

Price flopped around like a fish out of water, but with little assistance the poor guy must’ve been exhausted. The Moen-Pacioretty-Eller line was by far the best line of the night. The game went into Overtime, where the Leafs quickly scored the winning goal. Score: 5-4.

So what the hell is going on? Everybody has their theories. My observations include incoherent teamwork, defencemen asleep at the wheel, sloppy discipline as far as avoidable penalties go, way too much icing of the puck, and the absence of key players (Spacek will be back this week hopefully and Markov sometime in November). Many fans, bloggers, and reporters have been calling for coach Martin’s head, wondering if Assistant Coach Muller’s departure left a big hole, blaming the youth of the team (so many players under age 25), seeking trades, and bitterly noting the pitiful power plays.

So is there hope? Well… we can’t sink any lower (the Blue Jackets aren’t likely to rally). We’ve got some great players and they have been firing off an amazing amount of shots on goal.

So maybe some more practice, especially on the special teams, and working on coordinating plays as a team would be a good start.  Beefing up the defence is a must. A little more hitting would also help – it sure helped those filthy Penguins.

This next week includes 4 games – with two against the Bruins at the end of the week. Nothing would restore team pride and fan allegiance than at least one victory over the Bruins. It sure would be nice to have something to smile about and celebrate for a change. I’d be glad to let the housecleaning slide once the Habs are back to their winning selves – and hire a dejected Bruins fan to do the windows instead, or why not the cleaning services Surrey BC to do the whole house!

At least it’s some comfort to know that the whole Puckbuddy’s team is out there, spread across the continent cheering our respective teams and each other.

Thanks to Erica at the AllHabs.net Blog for the compliments and linking to my Habs articles here on Puckbuddy’s. Chalk another one up for the enduring straight women – gay men alliance.

And a big thanks to my idol, recent Canadiens alumni, Georges Laraque for taking the time to read my last article and retweet it. What an honour!

Georges Laraque, Hero

I say that he’s my idol in all sincerity because he brought the Habs the heavy hitting they are lacking this year – often done with a disarmingly radiant smile that belied a good heart.

I recall he once said that all the hitting and fighting he did on the team was “just his job”, implying that he was just a nice guy who had to beat up Bruins and other nefarious critters because he was getting paid to do it not because he was a jerk. He is also my idol because he’s the only NHL player I know of who’s participated in gay pride parades and who’s gone on after his NHL career to help make the world a better and more fair place to live – by being a leader of Canada’s Green Party.

I know many Habs fans are feeling like Nancy Kerrigan after Tonya Harding’s goon whacked her in the knee… screaming whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy? But don’t give up Canadiens fans – it WILL get better. Cup #25 is still coming our way!

1993 a été un moment très longtemps

 S’il vous plaît suivez Matt sur twitter: @mattsko

“OK, I admit it’s been a rough start to the season for the Canadiens. However, unlike some of the bloggers, columnists, and fans (especially after the crushing defeat in the home opener against the Flames) who slammed the team, walked out of the Bell Center, and otherwise yelled and moaned about glaring problems, I remain a positive and an enthusiastic supporter no matter what. By definition, that makes me a true fan. Or at least a polite and patient one.  So, what the hell is going on?

Michael Cammalleri: Out for up to two weeks

First off are the injuries.

We’re starting off the year with as many injuries as you’d see at the end of the season: Cammaleri, Markov, Spacek, and the guy who looks like he’s one of the husbands on the Real Housewives of New Jersey (Campoli), are all out at the moment.

That would be one of our star forwards and a good chunk of the defence.” 

“Then there’s been some lackluster defence amongst those who are still skating – P.K. Subban has admitted he’s doing a crappy job so far.

"Do I look worried?"

Dreamboat goaltender Carey Price has also admitted he’s not fully up to speed either. During the shootout in last night’s Avs game he seemed like he was barely trying and/or just lacked confidence. There’s been a noticeable lack of red-blue-and-white around the net in the first several games, the defencemen appeared disengaged while Carey had to fend for himself.

Maybe Jacques Martin is having a hard time figuring out how to put together effective lines with the players he has on hand at the moment.

But, ye of little faith, there is hope. To paraphrase Carey Price, you don’t win the Stanley Cup in the first few games of the season. The season has just begun and although it would be nice to win all 82 games I think that’s putting a little too much pressure on the team. So, without sounding like that guy who donned a wig and made a crying plea to lighten up on Britney Spears (Leave Britney alone!), I say relax, crack a cold one, and get ready for the next game.

There’s a lot of good to cheer about with this year’s Habs. We may not have lots of big guys (like the freakish Chara) but we’re fast and smart. And Carey Price, at 6’3”, covers a lot of the goal. Though I do admit that after one Avalanche goal through his five hole I did yell “Close your legs!” Not something I’m normally known to yell…

I see other strengths as well. The team can be very disciplined when it wants to be. There were, for example, minimal Canadiens’ penalties in the latest game and fighting has been mostly absent. No doubt they’re saving that for the trip to TD Garden on October 27. The Habs have been great in the dots and hammering far more SOGs than they’ve seen in return. Speed does count for something in this game after all.

Tomáš Plekanec

And there’s some players that have really started out at full trot. Max Pacioretty, God bless him, got a well deserved standing ovation at the home opener, has been playing exceptionally well and Plekanec (that hunk of East European man), is off to a great start to the season, as he usually does. Lars Eller has also been surprising with his awesome playing so far.

So, once we get Cammy and Markov back, Subban gets his act together, Price keeps his eyes on the prize, Martin figures out the best line combos, and the whining and belligerent critics take a chill pill, the Canadiens will be a force to be reckoned with. After the Sabres on Tuesday, it’s the Penguins, and Leafs – none of those games will be walks in the park.

Lest we forget, the Canadiens have won the Cup more than any other team. We consider the Cup to belong to the Canadiens and often magnanimously “lend” it to other teams some years. However, politeness only goes so far.  We want our Cup back.  In my fantasies I see the Habs dispatching the Bruins, Penguins, and Leafs in the playoffs in four games each and then going on to play the Red Wings for the Cup. Since the Wings are my way, way second favorite team I’d like to see that series go seven with Montreal winning in OT. 

Lovers and other strangers

It’s been great connecting with the PuckBuddys team and sharing stories, jokes, insults, unique perspectives, and knowledge with each other. OK – there’s some flirting, too. Most surprising is a new found camaraderie with Leafs fan, Andrew.  This is akin to a Palestinian and an Israeli getting it on. Besides sharing a wicked sense of humor, our mutual hatred of the Bruins and Penguins has triumphed over years of Leafs-Habs antagonism. Except on nights the Habs play the Leafs. Then the gloves come off.

I especially liked one commenter’s remark here, to the effect that he is not a gay hockey fan, but he’s a hockey fan who’s gay. Well said!  Unfortunately, it does have to be said since both overt homophobia and seemingly harmless gay slurs abound in hockey, as it does in other professional sports. After the losing Habs-Flames game, I had a Twitter exchange with a writer from a popular Habs site:

Him (@everyone): “Well, that game was gay. Rough home start for our boys”

Me (@him): It was a crappy game, but how was it “gay”?

Him (@me): Sorry, just my language I guess.

My little flippers were flapping but I kept my cool and bit my tongue. ‘Gay’ is not synonymous with ‘lame.’ If it was, at any given point during the season, half the NHL would be ‘gay.’  Very gay.

"Je suis d'accord Matthieu. Les Bruins suce"

I  hope he considers linking to a post or invites me to do a guest column once I’ve established my blogging credentials and demonstrated my tribal loyalty to the team that we both cheer (and weep) for. I know this will be the beginning of a beautiful friendship. Habs Hockey, is there anything it can’t do?

It’s going to be a fabulous year to be a gay Habs fan. And there’s no way I’m the only one.”

You can follow Matt on twitter: @mattsko

Carey Price

We’re nearing critical mass, and as our attorneys have warned, restraining orders, cease and desist letters, and defamation suits – but we continue recruiting fresh voices in the NHL markets to cover their teams. Et voila! A Habs man. Matt reached out to us about filling the long vacant Montreal Canadiens position. The recruiting process is rigid; it takes fandom, gaydom, and a good command of the language, ideally English, but we’ll consider French-speaking applicants too.

Matt gives us a rundown of his bona fides and passion for the Habs. A straight woman expressed some interest in covering the team but negotiations broke down when she refused to write under the nom de guerre, “Habs Hag.” Her loss, North America’s gain. Bienvenue! -Craig

“I’m interested in being your Montreal Canadiens correspondent- but will leave it to you decide if I’m qualified:
 
Pros: I’m gay (yay!), I love hockey (yay!), I’ve been a Canadiens fan since the 80’s (Go Habs Go!), and I’m literate (one of my jobs requires me to do a lot of grant writing, which I’m very successful at, yay!).
Cons: I’ve never played a game of hockey in my life and can barely skate, and I haven’t lived in Montreal for a while now (but I can still speak French pretty well).
 
I religiously follow the Habs on NHL Center Ice and go to at least one game a year in Montreal or Boston, more often if I can. The Bruins suck, by the way; that shiny silvery Stanley Cup thing notwithstanding. I grew in Boston but I never felt like I fit in, like I was different from most everyone else. I had yearnings, yet I wasn’t sure what I yearned for. All I knew was that neither girls nor the Bruins did anything for me. When I moved to Montreal as a teenager I quickly discovered what it was that I needed to make me whole – boys, and the Canadiens.”

It's always Habs o'clock!!

“After I left Montreal my interest in hockey waned for a little while until a friend of mine, a motivational speaker, was asked to speak to a gathering of players’ “wives and significant others,” at an NHL All Star game some years back.

She told me that at least 10% of the “wives and significant others” were in fact men, that this was all well-known and accepted within the NHL because, at the level of playing, they were mostly professional players with some level of maturity and were no longer homophobic high school thugs.

I could have plotzed when she told me that. I had been edging away from hockey for a while before that because of the homophobia in and around the game. It was certainly a major factor in why I never took up playing it to begin with. But once I learned that, hell, even if some of the players in the NHL could be gay; it all changed for me.
 

"Nothing. Just thinking about Carey..."

I’m the kind of fan who loves my team no matter what – whether they’re winning or losing. But I’m not the kind of fan who can tell you about every player who’s ever played on the team over the last 100 years. I’ve never even considered rooting for another team ever, though if the Canadiens aren’t on and I still need me some hockey action I’ll gravitate toward the Red Wings (which is totally safe, because they’re Western Conference), the Capitals (because Ovechkin is awesome), or the Lightning (because LeCavlaier and St.Louis are not only Quebecois but quite the duo on ice).
 
It’s a good thing I love my team no matter what because this pre-season and the first regular season game (versus Toronto) have not gone so well. From what I’ve seen so far the forwards look good, dreamboat Carey Price (does YOUR team have a half Native American hunk for a goal tender who, when he smiles, makes every teenage girl and most gay men swoon?) seems like he’s getting up to speed again pretty well… but what happened to the famous Montreal power play and HELLOOOOO!! – could we beef up the defense a little?

Andrei Markov

Carey Price can’t fend off a team of marauding opponents, an army of teenage girls, and me all at the same time!

Chris Campoli seemed like a good addition to the defense but then he went and got injured in the first game and will be out for several months. Andrei Markov would be welcomed back any time now. In a big way. It must be pretty obvious where the problems are if even if I noticed it.

I assume they’ll get right on it so that by the first time we play the Bruins everything is good to go. Because this year, baby, it’s Chara’s turn to cry!”

Please follow Matt on twitter @mattsko

Deadline, what deadline?  As we’ve said before, we’re happy to yield the first round of reporting to our colleagues, who, like the Politico, will win the morning.  We’re happy just to play for a tie in the afternoon.

You get what you pay for:  We took the game in at Verizon, from the cheap seats in 428.  We’re used to seeing the Caps play just 20 of a 60 minute game, but we’re used to seeing a third period big effort rather than one in the first. 

Caps up 2-0, one goal via a PP?  I asked PB Doug what was up with that. “Do the Habs kinda suck or are they just playing like the Caps normally do in the first period?” 

The answer came soon enough.  We played craptacular hockey for the following 40.

Day-Tripping:  MP85 did it again.  He shows up in town and he lights up the board and the team. 

Maybe, just maybe, Coach Boudreau and GM2 should think about cycling other members of the team to Hershey and bring them back 24 hours later.

No Laichy:  Six penalties and a costly Carlson mistake may have helped the Habs more than anything else.  Just two goals, courtesy of Brian Gionta, is all that the stinkin’ Habs needed to tie the game.  Locker’s words from a few weeks back still haunt us, “Good teams take advantage of mistakes.” 

THE Russian Machine:  Varly.  Again, the man.

Jamie Squire/Getty

He stopped 34 of 36 and kept the outshot Caps from being outscored more than they were.  

OTs and SOs suck for us, but at least Varly got us there and stretched the night a little longer. 

We love his colleague Neuvy, but who’s Number One in the net?  You even have to ask?

Because we like aviation video:

Always look on the bright Side of Life:  The PKs were flawless.  Oh, and we scored a PP, too.  That two minute skirmish looked like another missed opportunity until Knuble was the right man in the right place at the right time.

Kid Dino-Mite: It was Dino night at Verizon and the newly inducted Hall of Famer dropped the ceremonial puck. 

Maybe we should’ve sent him to the dressing room right after to suit up. 

We sure could’ve used that feisty guy last night.

Robot Chicken: Dino wasn’t the only old-timer returning to the ice last night.  Slap Shot 1.0, Winger, made his less than triumphant comeback, too. The years have treated Dino very well, but with Winger, not so much. 

He appeared so slow and flat-footed, we thought he was playing on one of the second period lines. 

We knew it wasn’t going well when we saw him wrestle burritos and Papa Johns from some of the fans in 117.

Clyde has the best pic of Winger’s return and a spectacular shot of Alex launching Subban.

Sasquatch SashaWatch:  While pushing the countless Mike Green lady fans out of our way during the warm-ups last night, we’d hoped to see the 28 blazing around the rink.  No luck.

Sasha in the lineup was a game night decision, and the decision was no. 

He’s was back on the ice at Kettler this morning and maybe, just maybe, Sasha finally unleashes his pent up fury on the Bolts Friday night. 

Teams we hate: Another Bolts win last night.  Of course they did.  And they have us dead in their sites for Friday night on their home ice – part of their 20 game home stand.  Then it’s Super Sunday and THOSE guys again.  If there was ever a week for things to start clicking with the Caps, now is the time.

Patriotism:  I’m actually starting to like the Canadian National Anthem, but wonder where the missing “Oh’s!” are. 

Chalk it up to Bob McDonald.  That dude has some pipes.  So much so that he can fill Verizon without a mic we bet.

That’s a Wrap:  A nod to that Howard Hawks classic:

“You know you don’t have to act with me, Steve.

You don’t have to say anything, and you don’t have to do anything. Not a thing. Oh, maybe just whistle. You know how to whistle, don’t you, Steve?

You just put your lips together and… blow.”

We know how to blow. 

We learned how watching the Caps 2nd and 3rd periods last night. 

Beagle's Back, Baby!

OK, now that we’ve all woken up returned from the NHL All-Star snoozefest spectacular and burnt put down our Guardian Project train wrecks graphic novels, it’s time to get drunken and bitter serious again about Capitals hockey. And what better team is there to get serious about than the Canadiens?

And of course the Internets today are full of “Oh What Ever Will We Do??” teeth-gnashing from Caps fans as we head into our make/break second half of the season.  (Eh, go find ’em yourself.  We don’t feel like linking to any more belly-groaning today than we have to.)  (And that’s what your comments are for, anyway.)

courtesy Comcast Sports Network

Look, we get it.  We all get it.  The coaching staff gets it.  Every dope buying $8 light beer at Verizon gets it.  That jelly doughnut Coach B had for breakfast and spilled on his shirt this morning?  Gets it.

There’s no secret about what has to happen with our Boys in Red the next two months.  Tighten up team play during PPs, less dancing and more goals from the offense, get our goal-minder sitch stable and get our boys-with-the-owies, like T-Po and Sasha, healed and back on the ice.

And there’s no better time to start getting on with it than tonight with the Canadiens.  Home crowd?  Check.  Jay Beagle back from the Bears? Check check.  An opponent who knows how to show up and play?  Double check.

Speaking of, Coach Jacques Martin and his boys in bleu blanc et rouge come to town looking to bring the Caps a little comeuppance, following their last meeting where Varly turned in a perfect performance, leading to a 3-0 shutout.

Sure, star players like Cammalleri, Kostitsyn, Wisniewski, Plekanec and Hamrlik (What is this?  The Hamtramk phonebook?) get all the attention.  But there are plenty of vowel-challenged Habs who are worth a second look.  Or third.

Take Jeff Halpern.  Gladly!  The Potomac, MD-born center has made his travels of late – the Stars, Lightning, the Kings, and now the Habs.  We’re thinking anyone would be happy to get out of any of those places…and we’re betting Montreal’s front office is happy with their acquisition, too, the way he’s been finding the twine.  We’re just happy to have found this shot of him.  (And yes, we know he played a stint with the Caps, don’t get your bustle in a bunch…)

Then there’s Alexandre Picard.   Ten years younger than Halpern, the 6’3″ Quebecster also came to Canada via Tampa Bay (booooo!) and hasn’t yet been up nord long enough to make his mark.  On the ice at least.  But we’re shallow and think he’s adorable.  Make it so, Picard!

Then there’s Carey Price, who at 6’3″ has been handsomely filling out the Habs net, if you follow our drift.  Price, Greenie and Ovie were team-mates at the All-Star game, although it didn’t look like either Cap was really that thrilled about it.

And because…well, because we’ve just run out of things to say today, we’ll just leave you with this little curtain-lifter into Carey’s life.

See you at the Phone Booth!  Vive La Sainte Flanelle!