There’s just one more way that Obama can improve Cadillac One:

Westboro Baptist Church “pastor,” provocateur and noted miscreant, Fred Phelps, is at it again.  Taking some time off from his favorite outdoor sport of spreading his blasphemy at military funerals, he’s now chasing the headlines and is trying to inject his noxious views into the AveryReynoldsGoddard affair.  As we stated in January, “Have you no sense of decency, sir, at long last?  Have you left no sense of decency?”

Fred Phelps: Pittsburgh Penguins fan

No matter what the language, Matt Cooke always spells trouble.

Maybe we’re treading in waters where we shouldn’t be.  Not hockey, that should be obvious by now that we’re strangers in a strange land, but in this case elsewhere – the adolescent exotic realm of comic books and superheroes.

We’re slightly out of our depth as informed critics because while we might be gay, we are not nerds. 

Marvel Comics’ Jesus, Stan Lee, (or one of his Korean sweatshop animators) was given free rein (and a huge check) to design a set of superhero NHL team mascots as part of the January 30 All-Star Game.  They brought us The Guardian Project, and their gift to DC: The Capital.  Many of our colleagues already kicked out reviews on this – but we like to think our best contribution to the world of hockey is bringing you last week’s news today. 

Let’s go to the DNA lab for analysis: He’s feathered, overly stylized and hyper masculine.

Slapshot + Tom of Finland = The Capital

Other breeding techniques and freaks of animation imagination come to mind:

Peter Griffin's Angry Chicken + Foghorn Leghorn = The Capital

 No one asked our opinion and The Guardians appear to be a success, judging by the 15,700 Facebook likes.  That’s 15,699 more than we have.  (Thanks Mom!)

Later this week, we’ll float the name of a write-in candidate for the job.

Our heartfelt thanks to Caps team mascot Slapshot and the entire front office for the warm and gracious welcome they extended to the PuckBuddys.  Seen here at last night’s game before the player intros, our feathered friend lets his freak flag fly.

This kind gesture was rather surprising considering a somewhat awkward run-in we had with Slapshot a while back @ Verizon.  He was his usual playful and animated self, mugging and hamming it up for the fans on the concourse before puck drop.  I pushed a few 10 year-olds out of the way to get my picture taken with him (her?):  “Hey Screech — Over here!” 

Ever see a team mascot mime “Loser?” (He doesn’t like having his beak yanked either).

Let’s Gay Go Caps !

Editor’s note: This will be the last we see of the Rainbow. Only red and white matter.

Westboro Baptist Church pastor, provocateur and noted fucktwit, Fred Phelps, was spotted picketing the Verizon Center today.

“Have you no sense of decency, sir, at long last?  Have you left no sense of decency?”