Author Archives: Jason Rogers

No Miracle Here: Team USA in Sochi

North America Ain’t Big Enough for the Both of Us: USA vs. Canada God, Jesus, Buddha, and Vishnu sat around a table, watching hockey. They loved it, but Buddha turned to God and said, “What if we took the NHL, … Continue reading

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Merry Leonsisvus!

Merry Christmas, family! Season’s greetings to you and yours and theirs. This past week the Caps unwrapped a home-and-home with Flyers, splitting it right down the middle likely a finely roasted chestnut. Let’s take a ride with the Ghost of … Continue reading

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What The Turducken – A Capital Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving Eve, family! I hope your cranberries aren’t too jellied after the week the Capitals had, because there’s new hockey to be played. We must first look back, however, and give thanks that last week is over, and a … Continue reading

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Cap Your Pens – Wednesday Pensday in DC

Happy Wednesday, family! As the sun also rises on yet another Wednesday Pensday in the District and beyond, we pause and reflect upon the mystery of Karl Alzner’s mustache and its terrible, haunting beauty. A Requiem for a Shaving Cream. … Continue reading

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The Good, The Bad And The Meh

Happy Tuesday, family! As this most odious of weekdays dawns let us take a moment to remember that hockey is being played, that there is no lockout, and that life is good. Amen. Now, when we last met, the Caps … Continue reading

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Caps at .500: Taking Stock, Looking Ahead

It’s 8:25am on a Tuesday, and the patient has just woken up. It is the first time he’s done this in almost five weeks. Patient: Where…where am I? Doctor: Easy now, baby steps. You were in an accident, but you’re … Continue reading

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Let’s Get Well: Caps-Rangers Game 4 Preview

This is your captain speaking. We’re experiencing some slight turbulence directly over New York City. Uhhhhhh…I just want to let you know that this is perfectly normal, folks. With so muchhhh uhhhhh….hot gas coming out of the city, a little shake … Continue reading

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Ranger Danger: Caps-NYR Game 2 Preview

Today’s abbreviated Game 2 Preview comes less than twenty-four hours after the Caps 3-1 victory over the Rangers in Game 1, and less than twenty-four hours before what is sure to be a systematic dismantling of the Rangers in Game … Continue reading

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Off Broadway: Caps-NYR Game 1 Preview

Playoff hockey is back in the nation’s capital, and for the fifth time in six years, the Washington Capitals will face the New York Rangers in the postseason. Familiar like a rash that won’t go away and gritty like bad … Continue reading

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Agony & Ecstasy: Caps’ Canada Week

As I’ve said before, the distance between winning and losing is the width of a skate blade. Witness Mike “The Slot Machine” Green: the puck bounces off his skate and left, and the other team has a layup on the … Continue reading

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