We Can Re-Sign Him: Braden Holtby, the Six Million Dollar Man

holbty

The Washington Capitals’ front office – and presumably their mid and rear offices as well, depending on how feng shuied Kettler is – and goaltender Braden Holtby are currently locked in contract negotiations that are reaching Kissingerian levels of tension.

After a standout 2014-2015 season in which Holtby set career and franchise records for games played, consecutive starts, wins, shutouts, save percentage, saves, and the Capitals still didn’t win shit, the handsome bearded beau of Washington fans is fixing to get paaaaaaaaaaaaid.

How paid?

THIS paid.

Holtby’s camp and GM Brian MacLellan are fighting over whether Holtby is going to make $5.5 million every year, or $6.5 million every year. Not one time, not twice, but every single year for four to five years.

Let’s split the difference and call it $6 million, which is where I expect them to land.

Do you know what $6 million a year looks like?

I sure as hell don’t, but here are some funny-looking numbers:

  • If Holtby were getting paid twice a month every month like a normal mortal, each pre-tax paycheck would be made out for $166,667. One-hundred sixty-six thousand six hundred and sixty-seven dollars, twice a month, every month, deposited to his bank account.

“No two days are alike, except the 1st and 15th, pretty much.” – Jay-Z

  •  He could make buying 40 Porsche 911 Turbos an annual family event.

Holtby, on his way to deliver yet another Porsche to literally everyone he knows. This one’s for the 7-11 clerk.

  •  That’s over $146K for each of his 41 wins last season (a full half of the schedule).

Holtby protecting his money from haters and interlopers.

  •  He could afford to park in D.C. – Like, anywhere.

Bypassing the plebeians en route to his covered temperature-controlled concierge parking.

You wanna know what’s really crazy, though?

Ted Leonsis makes enough money to pay everybody.

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About Jason Rogers

Jason Rogers lives in D.C. and writes for PuckBuddys, Japers' Rink, and The Classical. Follow him on Twitter @HeyJayJRogers.
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