The Caps just announced the Red Rocker tryouts will take place July 9 and 10.
Fifteen very attractive young ladies comprised the 2010-2011 squad and we’ll do a little more research on who the RFAs and UFAs are so we can better determine who we might see next fall.
Requirements to make the squad are pretty straight forward, and we’d consider tossing our pom-poms into the ring, but we don’t think our GED suffices for the necessary highschool degree:
“Candidates must be 18 years of age, a high school graduate and be able to commit to a minimum of 25 regular-season home games. An outgoing, energetic personality and the ability to perform in front of large crowds is a must. Auditions will involve fitness tests, so participants are asked to dress appropriately for physical activity.”
We’ve made sport of these Caps ambassadors in the past, cheekily calling them the Red Knockers, but next to the guys on the ice, they may have the hardest job in the Booth. They have to put up with and play second fiddle(s) to Slapshot after all, and are always in constant risk of burrito-related, on-the-job injuries.
Something else surfaced upon a closer look at the required qualifications; gender is not specified. We’re probably not alone in wanting to see a little diversity on the squad and bet a few puck bunnies and Scarlet Caps may feel the same way. Although the vast majority of the Rockers have been curvy women, not too long ago there was a member of the squad with an entirely different set of contours. Meet David (below, second from left, if it wasn’t obvious) from the class of 2008-2009.
David is splashed all over the Caps website but the links are hard to find. A month-long PuckBuddys’ I-Team investigation uncovered the lost pages documenting his tenure with the team, from his tryout, onward. David’s audition was captured in this Caps365 video and his Rocker gallery page had a number of his pictures. This is him posing with the other members of the squad in a group shot:
On his bio page, we learn this about him:
University Name: Towson University
Profession: Software Trainer
Hobbies: Golf, tennis, fantasy baseball, fantasy football
Favorite Athlete (any sport): Tiger Woods
Favorite Food: Cheese Steaks
Favorite Movie: Matrix
Favorite Book: Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut
What is your guilty pleasure? French fries
Do you have a favorite charity/cause? Red Cross
David is one handsome customer as this hat trick of photos will attest.
We’ll see if any guys tryout for the squad in July, and we hope that if one does make it, he won’t have to put up with the adolescent vulgarities that metastasized online about David a couple years ago. Some Internet toilet called Boston Barstool thought they’d make sport of him and in April 2009, asked: “Is David of the Washington Capitals Ice Girls the Gayest or Smartest Man Alive?” Beantown Neanderthals puked and misspelled their way through almost 60 comments on ‘elpresidente’s’ Question of the Day.
Not to be outdone, and obviously lacking original ideas of his own, some fuckstick named Richard Manfredi on SportsByBrooks trawled in the noxious wake of the Barstool clowns and piled on by asking, “What’s up with that male Capitals Cheerleader?” Seven anonymous comments from a select group of knuckle-draggers followed. Har-dee-har-har; a veritable Algonquin Roundtable.
We could care less about which way David leaned; he was part of the larger team, the Washington (Fuck You Boston) Capitals and that’s all that matters. We protect our own and the smart money says David is hotter than any of those sad-ass, limp-dick chowderheads who probably don’t even have the stones to be full-fledged bullies.
Good luck against Tampa tonight. Don’t let the broom hit you on the way out.